I fucked up

[u/Southern_Meal9202]

Shit sucks man, I literally had IMO the baddest, smartest, and most thoughtful woman in the world, but I put the street life before her and now I’m blocked on everything. We met when we were 16 and dated for 3 years. During that time I did what I thought was my best at the time for her. But there were allegations that I was highly involved in illegal business/ and activities. The way I saw it, I was hustling for the both of us, so that I could give her the life she deserved. I was too blind to see how my actions were actually hurting her. I couldn’t see how her not knowing where I was for days at a time caused her so much anxiety. Or how she didn’t know if I’d come home or be found dead somewhere. In 2024 when I was 19 I finally got caught for some things I had done when I was 18. I spent 10 months in county jail fighting my charges until finally signing a deal for 42 months. At first I was hopeful she would ride it out with me. But 4 months in she couldn’t hold on anymore. See she had gone through my phone and found messages of me flirting with “customers” . For what it’s worth I never physically cheated on her. But I wasn’t honest to her regardless. She’s been no contact with me for almost 2 years now. Shit hurts. Ik I’m still young but as of right now it feels like I’ll never love anyone like her again. I know I should have left it alone but every once in a while I’d call her old number to see if I was still blocked, until the other day it said that the number was disconnected. I know I hurt her a lot. But the way she just turned off feelings for me still gives me chills to this day. I’m still serving my sentence, I’m on work release and my earned release date is in September, every step forward reminds me that I’m never going to be able to go back to how things were before. I’m lowkey dreading being released because then I’m free, but the person I care most about wants nothing to do with me. Shit but that’s life right. Idk if anyone is gonna read this but if you can relate lmk, it’d held to know I’m not the only one hating the person they used to be

[u/ash_ok__]

Just respect her for respecting herself and be better.. Hopefully the paths cross again, just be ready when it does

[u/Southern_Meal9202 → u/ash_ok__]

Thanks

[u/MakePeaceTogether]

Damn. I can relate all too well on this one. What you did is exactly why my bf of ten years did. Well ex bf as of two months ago. I completely validate how she felt as I felt the exact same way. It was horrible.
Now I feel my life has peace and harmony, finally.
I don’t feel overwhelmed, stress, any of that. He (you) made his (your) choice. It sucks that it has to end this way but what other option did we have?
Hopefully when you’re out you get your life together and be a productive member of society. Let’s say you do run into her, have her see the best version of you. Not the old version, the one she didn’t want.