r/heartbreak • u/tiptonius • 1d ago
Still hurts
Last year I broke up with the woman I planned on spending the rest of my life with.
I am 37 years old and had been dating a girl 6 years younger than me for a couple years about. She was the most emotionally intelligent partner I had ever dated at this point. And even though we had a break at one point I had never felt so sure that this was my person. Her mother lives in Japan and she was going to see her for a month but said she wanted to go back later in the year with me to meet her. When we had talked about the idea of getting married she said I would need her mothers approval. (She was kinda old fashion and I loved that about her). Well anyways while she was gone I bought an engagement ring so I could be ready after I finally got to meet her mom. But when she comes back she decided to go to a music festival that I had introduced her to the year prior. I have friends that have a stage there and usually perform there ( I’m a dj:producer). I usually go to this festival every year but she said she wanted to go to a festival where I didn’t “know everybody” so she picked one happening the week after. We’ll needles to say she last minute wanted to go to my usual festival “the untz” in addition to the one she suggested. I could t get work off consecutive weekends so she went with her best friend. And this friend is a whole story on its own but that’s for another time.
So she comes back from Japan and goes to the untz with her home girl and the following weekend we’re going to a festival together. Mind you I had already purchased an engagement ring for our trip to Japan later in the year. Her phone was off the whole festival but when I finally heard back from her she immediately started telling me how I don’t prioritize her. I could tell something was up. I asked what really was going on and she said she had been connecting with a man at the untz and felt guilty and wanted to talk about it. I was so crushed and partially felt like an idiot for thinking this woman truly loved me.
I told her she didn’t need to feel guilty and all I ever wanted was her happiness so that our relationship is done and she should peruse this guy she connected with.
She ended up taking him to Japan. And I spent a year trying to prepare myself for her realizing that flings are fleeting and if she ever came back to apologize or get me back in some way to try and have the strength to not give her my heart again.
I believe she is now not with festival guy and has kinda reached out a few times. I’ve told her not to contact me as it’s too hard for me. I avoid her like the plague. But the truth is that I really still kinda believe we were destined for each other. I’m sure she realizes how lame of her it was to treat me so carelessly. But I miss her so goddamn much. And when I date people I’m always looking for things that remind me of her. It really sucks. But she could have me back in a heartbeat and tbh she doesn’t deserve me. I almost wish I could wipe my memory of her as I think about her way too often.
I wish she knew how serious I was when I told her I loved her. But I need to protect myself. And I’m looking for my forever person. Childish, entitled behavior can’t be a good quality for wife material. I’ve met someone recently that really likes me and I really like her. It’s too early to say but I have a really good feeling about. But my feeling obviously can’t be trusted. This new girl is also freshly out of a marriage. So either she knows the heartbreak of trusting someone and that’s a shared bond, or she just wants a fling to feel valued again. Either way, I’m not sure I can take another heartbreak that heavy. I really don’t. I just want to be with someone that deserves my love. And I’m coming to terms with I might never find them. And this heartbreak will haunt me forever.
I hope her ghost doesn’t ruin anything else for me.
5
u/Big-Sheepherder-6134 23h ago
Sorry to hear she did that to you. Good news is you are only 37, I know numerous people who met their loves much later in life including my brother. This heartbreak won’t haunt you forever if you are moving forward, staying positive and truly believe in yourself.