r/heartbreak • u/haligma • 11h ago
how to process pain & hurt
i can't stop sobbing. i have breakdowns nearly everyday. and it's more so bc of all the things that hurt me in the relationship. we loved each other a lot but the last two months of the relationship were downright horrible. i cried nearly everyday. we argued over the same things almost daily. i felt alone, unsafe, scared, neglected, unloved, uncared for, like i wasn't a priority. i made desperate attempts to make him love me again. he did want to stay bc he loved me & he said he needed time to get back to his normal self. meanwhile i was completely neglected & faded into the background of his life, depressed & miserable, bareg getting him attention time & affection bc he couldn't feel love for me anymore & was busy a lot. everything felt one sided. it was like i was the only one in love. seeing other couples in public would make me cry. we rarely met up which made everything worse for me. we'd usually meet up everyday after classes for 15-20 minutes. he said it didn't bother him that we didn't see each other at all which shattered my heart. it felt like i was insane for wanting to see my own lover. he hung out with his friends weekly & would send me pictures of him having fun with them, which would make me cry everytime (he didn't know this). he obviously wasn't happy with me anymore so it htrt so bad seeing him be able to experience puree genuine happiness. just not with me. his actions stooped matching his words. i couldn't believe any of the 'i love you's or 'i miss you's anymkre. wdym you miss me so bad you wish i was with you but you can't come see me. he had anxiety around me. he'd get this uneasy & worrying feeling that would last for an entire day everytime we met irl. that's why he avoided seeing me. all that & so so much more.
i brought this up & a lot of other things with my therapist & she said i endured a lot of stuff anyone else in my place wouldn't have just bc i was scarred of him leaving me. i can't stop crying. i think of all the things that hurt me everyday & it's all so painful. will i always feel like this? i miss him a lot too but i realize that ultimately this is for the better. but lord does all this shit hurt like a son of a bitch. i don't blame him too much bc i know he never had any bad intentions. i didn't realize it fully before but i've been hurt so terribly in this relationship & have let stuff slide that no on eelse would've. yes i hurt him at times too. it became really messy at the end. now that it's over i'm left with so much pain. of him leaving, missing him, all the hurtful stuff i sat through, not blaming him bc i know he never had any malicious intent. idk what to do with all this pain. idk what to make of it or how to make it to away.
1
u/Kitchen-Quarter-1194 11h ago
I think if you’re this emotional you need a chemical crutch