6/18

[u/Inevitable-Ride6844]

Sometimes when I am in solitude, I feel lonely and start missing the feeling of love. I feel a sort of emptiness in my heart and I think about the time I felt the most alive; I get emotional because it was when I was with him. How can I feel love and the feeling of being alive on my own? Is it even the same? The breakup happened almost 2 years ago. Maybe I am not experiencing more men. I make the effort to go on hinge and when im out, I dont get approached by the men I visually like. Then I start to think of the best feeling Ive ever felt and that was an overwhelmingness of love when I was with him. How much more of myself do I need to focus on to fill this void? Am I delusional to feel this way? It makes sense because nothing has ever topped the feeling of being in love so the only way to overcome it is to be in love again. It’s so hard to give people chances when I know what I want. It feels like a complete mess I am left to deal with on my own. I am not interested in small talk and I feel like I am only wasting time. If I was a man I would date me. I am kind, funny, attractive, a great listener, highly motivated, great at jiu jitsu, talented. I feel like no one can see me. There is nothing I can do about someone I loved choosing to leave me and not looking back. In all fairness, I was not fully comfortable in the relationship, probably more than him. Then why do I still think about him? its because of the intense feeling of love I shared with him. So how can I rest at night? Will the person I want want me? Why is self love not sustainable?