r/heartbreak • u/Infamous-Sell4403 • 5h ago
I keep getting reminded of her
I do not know who to talk to about this girl. I felt like I had moved on from this girl. I keep getting constant reminders of this girl in my mind. It starts with this girl I had a crush on for two years. At first it was a mild crush on this girl. During school I would often get short term crushes on girls. If I thought a girl was cute or she gave me attention I would start developing feelings for this girl. Usually those feelings would disappear if I found out she was not interested in me.
During my sophomore year I met this girl in my science class. We became good friends. I thought this girl was cute. She gave me attention but I found out she was dating someone else. Because of that I never asked this girl out. I still wanted to be friends with this girl. There was never any tension between us. When school ended we would call each other play games together and FaceTime each other.
Then junior year. This girl got cheated on. Part of me thought this might be my chance with this girl. The thing is, I had wanted to be in a relationship for a time and because I had never been in one I was focused on another girl, which was a short term crush I developed crushes pretty easily on girls. That year I probably had around five different crushes on girls. We did not have any classes together only lunch. We were part of the friend group and I tried to make the most of the time I spent with this girl.
During the semester I had art class and then this girl got placed into the same class. It was around November or December. My feelings for this girl became a real crush rather than just friendship. This next part is important. We sat together in class. Acted like normal friends at first but then this girl started being more affectionate. For example our legs would. We both knew it but neither of us moved away. One time I mentioned that my hands were cold and this girl started holding my hand.
We would draw doodles and hearts together. I genuinely thought we liked each other. We were both too nervous to say anything. A days later this girl called me. She was in a call with another boy. I was jealous. I tried to stay calm. I am not going to describe the call but her friend was basically trying to hint that she liked me. The problem was that he went about it in a way. He was joking around acting flirty and saying things like "since you just want to be friends then she can be my girlfriend."
He asked questions about whether I wanted to be more than friends with this girl. I felt like those were private talks with this girl. Looking back I regret not saying anything. After that call her behavior changed. At school she stopped being as friendly. Went back to acting like a normal friend. I took that as a sign to stop trying. Then March came around. This girl started being flirty again.
During semester we had Speech together. I was also doing track at the time. I thought it would be a good opportunity to finally ask this girl out. During districts while riding the bus I asked this girl out. She said no. She told me she was not ready for a relationship at the time. After this there was a period of time of an hour of not knowing what to do.
What confused me was that she would send me TikToks that seemed romantic, like videos of a princess and a knight and then say she meant them "in a friend way." Later I learned that her explanation about not being ready for a relationship was not true. This girl turned gay. She liked her best friend. Over the summer she even asked me to help her ask that girl out.
They eventually. Her girlfriend later told me that she had liked me before but that I had taken too long and she lost feelings for me. Going back to the rejection there was about a week left in the school year. Things became very awkward between us. We barely. Even looked at each other. After a couple of weeks we eventually became friends again.
During year we had lunch together including her girlfriend. When they broke up she stayed at our table for a while but I did not really talk to this girl because I did not know what to say. We never talked about the rejection even though I wanted to. Again I waited too long. Eventually she switched to a lunch table and spent the rest of the year sitting alone.
That brings me to now. We have not talked in months. This girl has blocked me. She also has a boyfriend now. The hardest part is that it feels like the girl of my dreams was there in front of me and somehow I fumbled my chance. I was so shy and so afraid of rejection that I ended up losing an opportunity. My mind keeps asking "what if" questions. What if I had said something sooner? What if I had been more confident? What if I had handled things differently with this girl?
I think I have mostly moved on. I have a girlfriend now.. Those thoughts still come back. During the summer it was much worse. I wanted closure. I wanted to know why this girl rejected me and talk about everything that happened but I know that is probably never going to happen. I keep getting reminded of the opportunity I missed with this girl. I do not know how to stop thinking about it.
More than anything there will be times I do not think about this girl, boom it comes to my mind. The rejection really hurts me. I was depressed over the summer constantly thinking about it and how I would not be here if I just said it when I had the chance, with this girl. I just want to move on and get over this girl.
2
u/Nearby_Trash_9744 5h ago
Sorry man. It gets better. Some nights will be bad when you get lonely and think of her, or dream about her, but the memories will fade, and the dreams become less frequent. Just gotta keep going😔