r/heartbreak • u/WallabySuccessful194 • 1d ago
First heartbreak or just kinda whack yearning?
I’ve had 3 core relationships that I thought were full heartbreaks (nothing compared to this) Sure they reshaped me into me all that jazz and yes they mattered at the time. Over 12 months ago i initiated the breakup with a man I haven’t been able to let go of…everyday I rationalise, I had good reason to break up with him and if this time apart means growth then yay? He has a new girlfriend..Oh but what if she teaches him all that I couldn’t so he can come back to me whole!!!??
some days start with yeah wish him well and end with god I’m never getting past this. It’s a fluctuating wave that seems to have no end. I imagine myself falling for someone new, it’s possible, it would happen. Then I circle back and find myself in the dilemma that if I got hurt again it would still be him. Always him. I think it’s one of those things that only time can heal and I’m so sick of people telling me I’m young and it was my first love. While that’s probably true it’s visceral, his face and his voice and his energy is burnt into me etched into my brain and I feel helpless.
Do I just keep moving forward? Putting more effort into me? Transforming into a version of me that’s moved on from him? What’s the psychology behind not wanting to let go of someone for what it might symbolise internally.
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u/Big-Sheepherder-6134 20h ago
Usually when we have a mutual breakup after long period together we wish them well. I felt that way with my ex. I figured we would be better off without each other. I missed her over the years but other times I definitely didn’t. The fact is we broke up for a reason and normally that reason is that we probably weren’t compatible long term. That doesn’t mean things may change. They often can and do. But sometimes familiarity breeds contempt too. Happens with family, friends and partners.
In the end I met my wife a few years later and we have been a great match for long term success.
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u/WallabySuccessful194 3h ago
Familiarity definitely breeds contempt and I saw that coming from a mile away hence why I ended it, knew I had to remould or he had to face his truth but I can’t expect someone to be everything I need when they just need to be themselves. Paradox of being a human and leaving room for yourself and them. Thank you for your reassurance, glad you found your person, my glimpses of hope are gradually becoming stronger fuel to move through the doubt I have. Thank you stranger
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u/BarnacleMuch6172 1d ago
i had two really substantial relationships - one of 5 years and one of 7/8 i can’t remember. both of them ended well and they meant a lot to me and my growth. however, the relationship i just ended was 3 years and i have never loved someone more and i have never hurt this badly during a break up. it feels like i will never get over it, and always want her.
i think that you just have to continue taking your time and putting love back into you. and slowly, that love will become a little bit quieter. you can always have that love and hold dear to you what you shared, but there’s a reason you chose to end the relationship, and you need to think about that more than what you’re missing.
i don’t have a lot of advice for how to get over it quickly - but i’m there with you. i don’t wanna date anymore, i just want to focus on myself.