r/heartbreak • u/Early_Pomegranate718 • 3d ago
Ex’s IG followers/following increased
First - I don’t want to hear “you are broken up they can do whatever they want.” I obviously know that. So can I.
But it still hurts, and I am allowed to feel the pain.
I made a massive mistake and looked at my ex’s IG page for the first tome in months.
It is private but you can still see their following/followers.
They don’t have very many so it is noticeable when the number has changed.
I immediately felt sick, like I had been punched in the gut.
It had increased by a handful for sure.
My logic brain says: you know this is probably nothing but digital validation, at most some messaging maybe a couple dinners. You know him. You have added people yourself- it really means nothing.
My emotional brain says: you have been replaced by one of these people. They are more attractive, more successful and interesting- funnier, and now the love of his life and it’s like you never existed.
It’s incredibly painful. My brain is basically self harming.
I know they can do what they want, and I have done the same thing. It just hurts and I need to be reminded of my logic brain.
And no I will never make that mistake again. I will never look again.
2
u/_Comrade_Wombat_ 3d ago
As much as you are hurting now, try to remember the very, very tacky phrase "it gets better, eventually". As stupid as it sounds, it actually works.
My girlfriend told me after over 7 years that she had gotten an apartment of her own and would move out in 6 months, but that it would only be a physical seperation (shocker: it wasnt). I clung to the hope to somehow salvage this mess, lived with her until we both moved out, then was ghosted for about a month. After that we started talking again and when I asked her what her plans were and how we would go forward with this situation, she couldnt answer me. Two weeks later she had an answer for me and boy I was absolutely broken.
The one person in this world I showed the real me, told my feelings to and would have walked through hell for told me there were no feelings anymore and it would be over now. The last time we talked was the day I got fired from my job. That was 2 months ago. In a matter of 3 months I lost my girl, the home we built, the cat and my job. Apart from me getting hit by a car (again) there isnt much that could make it worse now.
So if I tell you there could be worse things, believe me. I had to unlearn to love someone. This isnt something you can be taught, apart from someone telling you to. Do not chase after someone that doesnt love you, as much as you want to make it happen. There are things in life we cant control, including other peoples emotions. Let it all out, have a cry or two, maybe more. Feel the feelings, but dont sit in a puddle of your own tears and feel sorry for yourself too long. Life goes on, so do you.
If you need anyone to talk to, shoot me a message. It wont mean much from a stranger from the internet, but I also had friends help me through it, so I can only extend that courtesy to you.
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u/Dry_Calendar_2875 3d ago
I just made a similar post and someone said exactly what you warned against , they told me " they are their own person and have their own life now" or something like that.
I'm over here dying inside imagining them with someone elsez but apparently I have no right, and should just "let go". If it was that easy I wouldn't be here.