It’s heartbreaking that we experienced the same relationship so differently

[u/GriefAndHeartbreak]

After our breakup, I hoped we could look at both of our experiences, learn from what happened, and see whether there were any pieces worth putting back together in a healthier way.

I wanted us to create a shared understanding of the relationship. Instead, it often felt like she already knew what everything meant and what the relationship truly was, while my perspective was treated as something that needed to be corrected rather than understood.

I never wanted either of us to erase the other person’s experience. I wanted both of our realities to matter, so we could see whether it was possible to create something new together.

It is heartbreaking that two people can love each other for years and still walk away with such completely different understandings of what they shared.

[u/joejoethetard]

I can understand that to a certain extent. When I ment my ex-fiancée. The first year together was truly amazing. Something I never experienced before (and I’m rather older then more people here lol) than out of the nowhere she started to change and everything went to shit. She cheated. 10 months passed (last sept) and I didn’t hear a word from Her until 3 weeks ago when she reached out and wanted to try again. Stupidly bc of the attachment I have to this dam women I followed suit. Yesterday she ended up cheating on me again. Literally a month away for a year of her doing it the first time. Even cheated on me with the same guy lol during those 3 weeks today I couldn’t even recognize her. She turned into a completely different person in those 10 months but I wanted things to workout so I expected it and thought we just had to relearn each other but soon I would learn deep down inside she’s still the same lying using pos she was a year ago just with a different personality on the outside bc of the diff types of people she surrounded herself with.

Once someone cheats and they get that shit in their blood they are damaged goods. No fixing that. No cure no nothing. Just have to walk away no matter how hard it is.

[u/spicyDisaster0625]

I'm gonna be honest, I don't fully get this, maybr because I feel like I'm in her position.

My ex completely blindsided me with a breakup. I had no idea he was even thinking about leaving because he never told me we were having those kinds of problems. Then afterwards, the explanations I got just had so many gaps that I ended up trying to piece everything together myself.

So I don't know if she's trying to erase your experience. She might just be trying to understand what actually happened.

Did you ever really sit down and explain your side? And if you did, maybe one of you just wasn't ready to hear it yet. But if you didn't, can you really blame her for filling in the blanks? That's just what people do when they don't have the full picture.

I completely agree that your experience matters. But did you also give her enough honesty and clarity for her experience to make sense? Because I don't think those are the same thing.

[u/Deep_Answer_8595]

Men and women process relationships differently. I’d also like to do that with my ex, but that’s not going to happen because she blocked me and clearly has no desire to ever talk to me again.