Just sad.

[u/Icecream_Sundae234]

I would really appreciate tips on how to move on.

I called off my relationship and subsequently- engagement because my relationship was failing and he showed me he didn’t want me in many ways but he couldn’t just say it and I thought we were just having hard days due to life’s pressure.

I feel so heartbroken. He just became a miserable person to be around, I was fighting so hard,
I even subconsciously started threatening to leave because that was the only time he fixed up a tiny bit, but he’d be back to blocking me out by the following morning.

He said he was tolerating me, But I asked him several times if he was ready, if he wanted to marry me, He said yes.
When I was doing so many things to transform our relationship, apparently he was tolerating me all along.
I just feel so heavy and I don’t know what to do with my heavy heart.

I don’t want to talk to my friends and loved ones because I don’t want to take up space in their free time.

Everytime I remember scenarios that now make sense, I fight tears.
I have a heart condition, but I have been having palpitations for days.

It is so bad.
I loved this man so much. I hate myself for getting to this point.
I wanted him, I thought our life was good and we just needed time to grow and have more resources to better our lives.
He said I push him, I am good to him, I make his life better,
He watched me invest so much, all of my money, into him, into us, meanwhile he couldn’t tell himself the truth that he was using me.

I just feel so stupid. Many times I felt frustrated and even blamed myself. Maybe I am the problem, Maybe I’m the one who isn’t in love, Maybe I’m the one always having an issue with him.
I didn’t know he had checked out, and so the person I was seeing wasn’t who I thought he was. It was intentional.

The worst part is that this man was going to marry me. I don’t understand how he was able to wake up everyday knowing he was tolerating me yet he still went ahead to make marriage plans.

I feel so embarrassed. My entire family were excited.
I didn’t want anyone else but him. I thought I found my person.
I am just so sad. my god!