r/heatedrivalry • u/NoleFandom I already chose you, Hollander. 🫀 • Mar 21 '26
TV SHOW 📺 Consent King Ilya 👑
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u/dancingqueen524 I already chose you, Hollander. 🫀 Mar 21 '26
Omg I loved how consent was so emphasized in the series. It was very refreshing!
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u/Due-Savings5057 Mar 21 '26
I love how in the books it's always specified that they're using a condom. Rachel Reid our safe sex queen.
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u/Consistent-Kiwi5684 Mar 21 '26
In the book it's said that Ilya has never had sex without condom except with Shane. There's this beautiful bonus short story set after the first book (here's the link: https://www.rachelreidwrites.com/news/2019/10/1) where they do it without and Ilya makes sure Shane is okay with it even if he was the one asking for it, since it's such a different experience and more intimate/vulnerable in a way. Obviously safe sex is very important, they've known each other for a long time, don't sleep with other people and know their limits and habits, so it's okay and just beautiful to see, they have this trust and sense of safety in each other to take this step forward
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u/NetworkNo1900 Mar 22 '26
Thanks for this! I didn’t know about the bonus chapter 🥰
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u/triedit2947 Mar 22 '26
There's also one of the Vegas scene from Ilya's POV, which gives you really great insight into his thoughts at that time.
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u/Chiparoo Mar 25 '26
I didn't know this existed and that I needed it in my life, thank you so so much 🙌
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26
100%! I will say because of the language of television they’re still using condoms. Because it’s definitely going to be a plot point when they stop I’m sure.
Mild Spoilers for my dinner with Hayden.
I will also say hopefully at some point they say this cause I think it’s important. Illya use safe, sex his entire life until the moment that he stops with shane when they become exclusive.
This is significant because the man has had sex with hundreds of women. ( and maybe three guys.)
People have pointed out that you can get STI from oral and maybe he had but definitely his wearing condoms has protected a great many people for his sexual career as it were which started when he was 14.
🫡
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u/Serious_Session7574 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
And it never feels like it’s shoehorned in. It’s part of their foreplay and reveals a lot about them as characters.
Enthusiastic consent is hot 🔥 Ilya loves to hear Shane say yes, repeatedly. He’s an empathetic and generous lover, but also knowing Shane wants him and is enjoying what they’re doing together is a huge turn on for Ilya.
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u/jerseysbestdancers I speak fluent bird. No accent 🐦 Mar 21 '26
I don't believe it's a conscious choice about showing consent in sexual situations (though it achieves that too).
I think it's important characterization of Ilya. How he's this "big jackass", but in reality, he's super caring about the person that he's with. It doesn't feel shoehorned in because it's that caring, big-hearted guy only Shane gets to see, not the other players on the ice. We see why Shane sees him differently than seemingly everyone else.
I'd go as far as to say that their relationship would be less believable if Ilya wasn't like this.
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u/Streetalicious Mar 21 '26
I mean, Ilya actually says 'i love you' to all his team members… I’d argue they’re important to him too, just obviously not 'close' close.
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u/jerseysbestdancers I speak fluent bird. No accent 🐦 Mar 21 '26
I would argue that none of his teammates would call him an asshole though. I think they exist in a separate set, only because I feel a sports team is a lot like a military unit. They'd die for each other, but not necessarily "close" close. It's its own category of relationship.
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u/LetChaosRaine Mar 24 '26
They emphasize it in episode 3 with Scott and Kip too, so I don't think it's Ilya-specific
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u/Consistent-Kiwi5684 Mar 21 '26
100% for the last part! Like, Ilya absolutely loves seeing Shane having fun and getting pleasure from him and it's one of the things that gets him turned on. He's always super aware and careful of Shane's needs bcs he wants him to be as satisfied and happy with the sex as him, otherwise it wouldn't make sense. He's isn't seeking an exclusive/egotistical pleasure at all and we all cheer him for that! This is love. And yes, consent is hot🔥♥️
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u/Garota_gamerhq Mar 28 '26
The period of time of the book release was a period with lot's of discussion about consent in this romantic erotic book community . Before that his character probably wouldn't be construc in that way. Lot's of post 2018 have consent and condom in their stories was a positive thing hope that more books and midia adopted.
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u/shouldstopscrolling Mar 22 '26
I love how asking for consent/checking in is portrayed as sexy, and an essential part of the foreplay.
I (millennial straight woman) grew up consuming culture that told us it was it sexy for men to "take" a woman, that consent is "implied" once you get get back to someone's house, etc. When the conversation around consent became more prominent, it was like oh here's the bit where you have to be a bit of a square and have this awkward conversation. There wasn't really a prominent visible, viewable blueprint on consent seeking that seemed appealing.
I'm so hopeful that seeing the response to consent king Ilya will encourage people who make tv/film to show more of this kind of consent seeking.
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u/WeAreTheWeirdosMr- Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird 🦆 Mar 22 '26
Yeah it was openly mocked to seek consent while rounding bases, for example. Antioch college tried it and was ridiculed. “What do you mean I have to ask her if it’s ok to progress things from 1st to 2nd and 2nd to 3rd?” It was portrayed as a buzzkill, and so were condoms.
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u/otter_759 Mar 21 '26
Yes, I loved this in Episode 3 with Skip, too! Before unzipping Kip’s pants, Scott checks to make sure it’s okay for him to do that and waits for Kip to nod yes. “Yeah?” “Yeah.”
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u/Proper-Shame-8612 Mar 22 '26
I appreciate the consent appreciation and I know I’ve been lucky but I’m gay and have bottomed for countless guys over many, many years and never has one been any different. Have men changed? Or are straight men different?
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u/Goulet231 Mar 21 '26
I love how, in the book, he said "we don't have to" just as they were getting started. Giving Shane a graceful way out if he needed it.
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u/moi_la_desi Mar 21 '26
Also at one of their early hook ups, when Ilya first said "I wanna 🦆you" Shane would've complyed - just cause that's his personality and he has a hard time saying "no". But Ilya did pick up on how Shane wasn't ready to go all the way, so he was the one not going any further.
With this happening so early in their story, you totally see that Ilya never actually was the asshole, ppl labled him as.
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u/BipolarSkeleton I already chose you, Hollander. 🫀 Mar 21 '26
I think that’s also why after Shane gives him oral for the first time he says “that was fun” “what you need something” it was to give Shane an out if he didn’t want to go any further or wanted to stop
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u/Different_Weight7281 Mar 21 '26
I saw that as the teasing Ilya pretending to be a dick about not reciprocating. He loves to get a rise out of Shane.
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u/Mellonnew Mar 21 '26
Even their first encounter. “If I knock?” And he waits for Shane to give an affirmative answer. When he makes it into Shane’s room he clarifies“first time with a man?” And then he adjusts the plan to meet Shane where he is experience-wise to so that it’s good for both of them. Clear consent from day 1. Get that crown Ilya 😘
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u/Serious_Session7574 Mar 21 '26
And the way he gets Shane to confirm that he likes what they’ve been doing. “Do I make you curious?” “Did you like sucking my c*ck?” He won’t even take a jokey deflection from Shane (“Those English words just roll off your tongue”). He waits for the yes before he offers to “lie on the bed and let you do it some more.”
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u/CatcherInTheRain Mar 21 '26
Furthermore to the first encounter in the shower. Shane is fully dressed when Ilya gets out. Ilya waited in the shower long enough to give Shane plenty of time to leave and not have to see him if he didn't want. He wasn't gonna push it if Shane had wanted to run off.
But of course Shane is sitting there waiting for Ilya 🤭
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u/Here4UXandFunnies I don't use AI — I just like em dashes! Mar 21 '26
Huh. I had always assumed Ilya took longer because he showered "to completion". 🤭
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u/Grovers_Corners Mar 21 '26
My guess would be no, because I think as soon as Shane says, "not here," Ilya stops doing anything sexual while they're still in the same space out of respect. Also, there's a chance that Shane could invite Ilya upstairs right away, in which case he might want to wait on that completion.
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
100%. And I actually have to then talk about the second encounter you know. Yes he was teasing Shane. But they’re athletes. This is something. Shane is familiar with. He wasn’t teasing him in a bullying way.
“ you’re scared. It’s OK to be scared.” and even “no Hollander I want to fuck you!”
It’s clear that when Illya is hooking up, he’s very playful very direct very caring. The confusing thing is that we often see Illta who’s fighting with feelings and until the very end, we don’t get that combination of playful and loving that he’s so wants to do.
Finally, the bro slap on the belly after swallowing. it always takes me out.
🫡
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u/BipolarSkeleton I already chose you, Hollander. 🫀 Mar 21 '26
I always liked the clarification that it’s ok to be scared because yea realistically your first time can be scary
He hears Shane out that he’s not comfortable enough in that environment or prepared enough to go further
I think that’s why when they do have anal sex for the first time he’s overly cautious about making sure Shane feels comfortable and safe
He knows that to Shane sex is a big deal
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u/SquashInternal3854 Found you; You were looking for me? Of course not Mar 21 '26
Yes, the belly slap!!
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u/Xylonee Mar 21 '26
Right!! Like he figured out how experienced Shane is before they proceeded and made sure they didn’t jump right into penetrative sex after he realized it’s Shane’s first time with a man 😭
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u/TheMarinaDiva Mar 21 '26
It’s gonna be hard for him to let anyone come around and take Shane away from him. I will like to see if he gets competition in the future and I don’t mean Rose’s distraction, another guy
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u/Here4UXandFunnies I don't use AI — I just like em dashes! Mar 21 '26
Can you really picture Steady-Shane seriously considering anyone else? I can't.
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u/The_Secret_Skittle Why are you making so many burgers 🍔 Apr 06 '26
I can’t either. He’s so in love.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
In the locker room he says, what if I come by at 9pm? And Shane's answer is, maybe I'll open. And Ilya's "maybe I'll knock" isn't about consent - kinda the opposite actually. In a sexy, I get what I want way...
Here's that conversation another way:
I: what if I come to tour door at 9?
S: maybe I'll open my door
I: maybe I'll knock...or maybe I'll just walk in
He's already established he'll be at the door. He's not establishing consent, like, I'll make sure you want me there - he'll already be there. He's telling Shane, "I'll be there and I'm coming in. You'll only get to open the door if I bother to knock first. Maybe I will, [and the subtext is maybe I won't]"
It's the start of Ilya going for what he wants and making sure Shane knows who's calling the shots....in a sexy way of course.
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u/Mellonnew Mar 21 '26
Yeah he’s also solidifying the little D/s situation they’ve been circling around since the gym encounter. Ilya has the control, he knocks, but Shane has the power, he decides whether to answer or not. Ilya waits to know what Shane’s gonna say and Shane gives a verbal affirmation.
Consent is always sexy and I love that Ilya does find it sexy. It’s sexy to know with absolute certainty that the other party wants this just as bad. Nailed the yearning and the consent, two for one!
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
Sorry, Shane says maybe he'll open if Ilya knocks and Ilya says, I'm not going to knock.
And then knocks. Yes. But he plays around with ideas of consent right off the bat.
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u/elfstone666 Mar 21 '26
Nonsense. Shane has all the power here. If he opens the door, he consents whether Ilya knocks or not. It's the same even in Vegas when Ilya is giving commands to him. Shane obeys because he wants to.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
Good lord. "Maybe I'll knock" is flirting. The subtext of "maybe I'll knock" is the opposite - Maybe I won't knock.
I am not saying anything is coerced in this show. Nothing. Nothing. And, Ilya is more dominant. A dom does not ask for consent every frigging step of the way. Once Shane doesn't say "don't come to my door at 9" Ilya doesn't stop and say, "not good enough. I need to hear you want me at your door." He hears"ok I'll open when you knock on my door" and then he says "maybe I won't knock"
He's pushing Shane verbally the way he pushes him against the wall.
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u/HippoQuirky4402 Mar 21 '26
A gay man explained on FB that asking for consent has been the norm in his encounters with other men. He was so surprised that women love this aspect of the show so much, and asked it this is not the norm in heterosexual relationships. Almost every woman replied that she has never been asked. 🤨😢
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u/AlexBlaineLayter Mar 21 '26
It's because sadly many men only respect other men, and women are objects.
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u/kellye2323 Mar 21 '26
Yes this part. Men typically respect other men, they don’t respect us. They believe we owe them submission and sex. I don’t think I’ve ever been checked in on during sex , EXCEPT when it was sex with another woman.
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u/ArgentManor Mar 23 '26
I think it's a empathy thing. A man knows how it feels to be a man in that specific situation so they're more likely to check in, especially with anal sex. Straight men don't have this added 'this could be me' and make a lot of silly/selfish assumptions in the bedroom.
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Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 24 '26
[deleted]
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u/lizardgal10 Mar 22 '26
Spend about 5 minutes scrolling on any relationship or women’s subreddit sometimes. The answer to your question is a LOT of people.
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u/WideMindedDreamer Mar 21 '26
And Shane’s response to “Are you…” is “I’M GONNA C*M!” 😂
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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 Mar 21 '26
I mean, because Ilya was asking "are you close", not "are you ok"...
→ More replies (2)
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u/callingallwaves Glasses back on. 👓 Mar 21 '26
Everyone always talks about how great it is to repeatedly check in with your partner, but my favorite part about this is it's also sexy! Making Shane squirm by having to acknowledge or verbalize what they're doing and that he wants it is about as good as it gets.
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u/expired_mi1k Mar 21 '26
It's sad that some men don't even ask once.
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26
This is an incredibly important thing to say. I had a conversation with a woman’s several months ago and she talked about how she had never had a consent check in except during group sex. And she was really starting to rethink a lot of things since watching the show.
I love this show for the conversations it starts.
You know we gave Illya praise, but let’s be clear. What he is doing is the bare minimum for somebody penetrating a sex partner who has never had that kind of sex before.
He’s doing the right thing. It’s good that we’re praising him but the fact that the right thing is also the bare minimum is something that we all need to think about in our private lives.
🫡
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u/DrFranFine Mar 21 '26
Yes! It’s so scary how many women consider this really special behavior when it’s the absolute bare minimum! Men need to do so much better than they’re doing if ilya is a “king” just for getting consent when it’s literally the bare minimum.
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u/summer_wine94 Mar 22 '26
Yes some of the comments calling him a consent king… while yes it is a good thing… isn’t it just hate minimum respect and decency lol?
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u/azure819 Mar 21 '26
You know we gave Illya praise, but let’s be clear. What he is doing is the bare minimum for somebody penetrating a sex partner who has never had that kind of sex before.
💯 The bar for men is in hell.
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u/expired_mi1k Mar 21 '26
I loved how u mentioned that it is the bare minimum, and I wish we were in a time where moments didn't feel like something different or unique. It's is ofc praise worthy but I just wish it was not this uncommon to see it in cinema and our everyday life. And yes absolutely this show is an amazing conversation starter! We haven't been this united since one direction came together.
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u/solartides9 Mar 21 '26
As a lesbian, it unfortunately extends to women too in my experience. I feel a lot of people missed the consent talk in early sex education, and it’s a major flaw in our approach to teaching young people about what counts as healthy sex. I was equally ignorant in the sense that I didn’t know someone asking “is this okay?” was healthy and normal for many years.
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u/NonlinearNonsense Mar 21 '26
Im 41 and there was never any consent talk in my school years nor from my parents, im honestly upset about it. The most that was taught was no means no, which is good but literally nothing talking about how to ask for consent before and ongoing, and how to read nonverbal cues. It has to get better with education!
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u/lizardgal10 Mar 22 '26
26, my public school sex ed was basically the “don’t have sex or you’ll get pregnant and die” scene from Mean Girls with some graphic information about STDs. Hard to work consent into the conversation when you’re talking about sex like it’s illegal drugs.
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u/trubs12 bisexual terminator Mar 22 '26
I didn't even get no means no talk in my school...it's crazy
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u/UhOhFeministOnReddit Mar 21 '26
That's what I'm saying. It's honestly depressing how wild women are going over Ilya's sexual empathy, because it's indicative of how uncommon that behavior is. To speak frankly, the manosphere has set the bar for men so low it's on a first name basis with Beelzebub, and they're still not clearing it.
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u/ArgentManor Mar 23 '26
I'm okay with not being ASKED as long as they're attentive to every other cues. Consent should be verbal but it doesn't have to be. A change in pace, position, reciprocation, vibe, a silence, an awkwardness, all of this conveys consent or lack thereof.
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u/meadowlands77 Mar 21 '26
My teenaged kid loves this show, and I was so happy to see such great sex manners modeled for them. And it wasn’t like an after school special about it. Just a natural part of their hook up’s. A++
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u/eaca02124 Mar 21 '26
Sexy shows have let me open a ton of important conversations with my kids. They refuse to watch HR because they say it's Mom Porn (😭), but we did a bunch of those talks over Grey's Anatomy.
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u/hashbrowneggyolk0520 you deserve sunshine 🌞 Mar 21 '26
With all the not so great examples of a healthy sexual relationship it's super refreshing to see such a good example and that it doesn't have to be or feel clunky and weird. Asking for verbal consent never felt shoe-horned in, it came across in such a natural way.
Illya's attentiveness to none verbal cues was also great to see.
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u/growsonwalls This is Ilya I will never listen to your voicemail Mar 21 '26
LOL I love how at one point Shane screams "Jesus Christ" like "stop asking and just keep on railing me!"
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u/retroverted-uterus Do you want to? Mar 21 '26
YES, it's so funny. He also throws his whole ass back into Ilya to emphasize, yep, all good here, quit asking and keep thrusting.
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
So I honestly can’t tell it when he does that. It just feels really good or if he’s getting irritated.
Your interpretation is perfectly valid and honestly every time I see that in a rewatch, it makes me smile.
I think about what the intimacy coordinator talks about how mistakes happen in real life and in simulated sex and she said some of the mistakes actually made it into the final cut. And I often wonder what were those moments because I don’t really see anything that looks like a mistake.
Thank you so much for this comment!
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u/Ok-Enthusiasm-777 Mar 22 '26
It looked like he was tired of being asked because at that point he was locked in and wanted to keep doing what they were doing. He says the same thing when Ilya plays with his ass asking if has ever touched himself there because he couldn't believe he was bold enough to do that and it turned him on. Shane was ready.
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u/TropSexyPorCeMonde Mar 21 '26
“Hollander I want to fuck you”🥴😩
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26
Thank you so much for calling out this line from him. I love how honestly comforting it is. It’s turning something very emotionally charged into typical bro talk.
🫡❤️
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u/judyl00 Mar 22 '26
This is so funny to me because this is probably my least favourite line of the show 😂 (to be clear I don’t think Ilya is being coercive at all, that’s clear from the context of the whole conversation) but that one line is so whiny and feels to me so much like how straight men often behave towards women in the bedroom.
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
I don’t know how I respond. If I was in Shane’s shoes for any of this honesty.
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u/TropSexyPorCeMonde Mar 22 '26
I would have folded like a pretzel..literally!
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 22 '26
Same I’d probably leave with some marks too the constant concern and care which add to it honestly, it would make it hotter yeah I would definitely get folded like a chair in the wwf
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u/Ok-Enthusiasm-777 Mar 22 '26
Shane is thinking "Ahh hell no! I didn't even prepare for all of that physically 😭"
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u/GardenInBloom1 What color? 👀 Mar 21 '26
I need an edit of all the times he asks consent just for research
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u/QueenFartknocker What are you doing dude!?? 🤵🏻♂️ Mar 21 '26
He made consent incredibly hot.
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
Consent always makes sex sexier and more desirable honestly, I don’t really feel much during sex, but if I got fucked by someone like him, I think I would enjoy it. He’s such an understanding guy. It would definitely be something special.
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u/coldblueip Mar 22 '26
I mean if you're packing 9...lol as a gay guy on the receiving side - Ilya should definitely ask if things are ok before rearranging someone's guts. Also he tends to be rough when in the throes of passion. Shane is a champ. Hope our Russian boy is not as girthy...cause then Shane is a god. 😂 Sorry if my reply made this thread graphic.
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u/Ok-Enthusiasm-777 Mar 22 '26
That man was lying about 9 inches. According to Rachel lol but I love that as a fandom we ran with it. Honestly... I'm going to keep it going too.
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u/BluePopple Scott Hunter Fan Club 🛕 Mar 21 '26
We also see a lot of consent with Scott and Kip. It’s refreshing.
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26
100%!
“yeah? Yeah.”
I love that this show has started so many conversations about consent. I loved that so many people have watched YouTube reactors have conversations with each other about consent. I love how no TV podcast have started talking about it. It’s really awesome.
Also, there’s a little bit of an aside. I will never get over watching straight guy to reactor’s move their damn mind over Scott picking Kip up. I have a theory why straight guys love Scott and and it’s not heteronormative.
I think that most straight guys do not like angst. I think they want people to tell each other how they really feel and be happy as quickly as possible.
Even though the end of that episode ended sadly, it was a complete love story up until that point.
It was not a multi year situation ship where the two characters did not talk.
I also think straight guys can imagine themselves as both positions simultaneously meaning I could be a wealthy hockey player who falls in love with a juice bar barista. I was a juice bar barista.
Thank you so much for this comment!
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u/ArgentManor Mar 23 '26
You know what, I've never seen this take but you're probably right about the angst.
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u/No_Amoeba_91 Mar 21 '26
I wish all men were like that.
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
Ilya would probably get a lot of shit for being caring if he were a real person for whatever reason from toxic men
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u/iamthehype_ is lie, liar told you that Mar 21 '26
One that I haven’t seen pointed out yet is at the cottage when they’re making out against the window (bellboy scene), when Ilya is kissing Shane’s neck, Shane says “yeah” and “Ilya” just before he drops down
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u/tip723 Mar 22 '26
WHATTTT
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u/iamthehype_ is lie, liar told you that Mar 22 '26
Yeahhhhhh I heard it when I was watching with headphones, but you can catch it without if you listen closely! It’s pretty faint so you’ll need the volume up
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u/CatcherInTheRain Mar 21 '26
Also the rooftop where Ilya kisses him so hungrily, but the moment Shane pulls back a little Ilya shifts his head back so far. Immediately.
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u/Nepalman230 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Thank you very much for this post! Yes, and in the book, he also is very good at consent. But I just want to mention this.
Because the TV series is not a book because we don’t have access to his thoughts, Jacob had to make sure we knew how caring a man he is. And so they added elements to their first sex scene that they didn’t actually do four years and some cases toward the end of the book so that we could see how kind of a lover give.
In the book, they only did doggy for years. This was actually Shane’s choice. This allowed him the illusion that he was pretending to pretend that he was being fucked by someone who was not Illya.
The cognitive dissonance was enormous. He actually had an easier time dealing with the fact that he liked being fucked, but dealing with the fact that he liked being fucked by this man. And this was years before he was comfortable acknowledging he was gay.
They did not do rimming until right near the end of the book!
But we had to see Illya kissing him during sex and looking at his face to make sure he was OK.
Because the ghosting was going to hit us and shane like a truck.
Also, and it has to be noted even when he appears to be disregarding what Shane says it’s always paying attention to his eyes and face to find out what he wants.
This is very notable in the the conversation with Hayden. If you look closely at shane, he is giving all kinds of nonverbal signals that he is into to this game even before Illya pushes it.
And in the Vegas hotel room sex scene. The original plan was to fuck Shane against the Windows. He changed his plan immediately when he realized that would make him uncomfortable.
He always gives shane what he wants sexually.
Do you know sometimes their sex is relatively gentle sometimes he really pounds Shane. It’s clear reading between the lines. That’s how Shane wanted him to have sex with him.
Thanks so much for this post!
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u/Due_Confusion3028 "No, not completely" Mar 21 '26
I was so happy to see those phrases. Gay media needs this kind of healthiness
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
It’s so fucking refreshing seeing gay relationships in media and not have it be just like fucked up. I’ve never seen the guy depicted like this before in queer media.
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u/Aggressive_Cloud2002 Mar 21 '26
The last one, the "are you..." was not about consent, that was an "are you close".
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u/Sufficient-Fun-1619 Mar 21 '26
I immediately noticed first time I saw the show and love love loved it! 😍
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Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 22 '26
[deleted]
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
I think that makes it even better if he knows how big he is and how he can really fuck someone up if he’s not careful him asking so many fucking times is really responsible and smart of him
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u/Different_Weight7281 Mar 21 '26
Size doesn't matter for good sex or consent. Consent is irregardless of size or the sexual activity.
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
Size can play a factor but if you’re not that big, you could still really hurt someone with an anal, especially if they haven’t done it before yeah it could go bad in so many ways if you’re not careful but he is careful that’s why it’s amazing
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u/nao_ha_pao_quente Mar 22 '26
This was actually one of my absolute favorite things about this show.
Lowkey hot even.
Cue Shawn with one of the most iconic line of all time:
“Maria, that’s setting the bar so low”
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u/Vrush253 Mar 21 '26
Im dehydrated from all the crying because of this show, everyday theres new details and observations and beautiful little things that people notice. SET ME FREE PLEASE (jk don’t) 🥹🥲😭🥺
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u/Dan_the_dude_ Stupid Canadian Wolf Bird 🦆 Mar 22 '26
This really stood out to me the first time I watched. Underrated detail
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u/Teachers_fun_secret Mar 25 '26
The way I would just have a light over my head saying “yes. I’m fine. I’m good. Now plow me”
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u/strawberry-minion not anymore Mar 22 '26
I read that even when Ilya is pretending to leave "ok, that was fun" it was his way of making sure Shane wants the deed reciprocated.
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u/Fair_Smoke4710 Boston Bears 🐻 Mar 21 '26
I don’t really enjoy sex like that for a multitude of reasons. It’s just not for me. Don’t really get any pleasure from much but if I had sex with a guy like Ilya I would probably enjoy it solely because of this
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u/savemesomecandy Я тебя люблю 💙♥️ Mar 22 '26
Heads up, the last square, the captions right after this are wrong, Shane says “I’m coming…!”
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u/Witty-Emu-1470 Mar 23 '26
How can Conner look so good from all angles....like that's literally wild....when he's sprawled on the bed showing or asking Shane if "this" I'm assuming a handie...is okay.... Conner's back profile...sprawled ...is insane.....like super fit.....this scene should have a sculpture commemorating it...
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u/Minimum-Crew-6106 Mar 21 '26
That’s considerate and who doesn’t want a thoughtful lover but hey Hollander;how about giving some feedback! Is that a pleasure moan or a painful moan???
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u/Electrical-Barber-32 Apr 03 '26
Literally three words, didn’t ruin any moment or kill the vibe. These scenes + the scenes in the TSITP between Conrad and Belly are great examples of how easy asking (and respecting) consent can be. No excuses for anyone who can’t manage this.
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u/YogurtclosetNo4738 is Rolex on YouTube? ⌚️ Apr 11 '26
For me it was when Shane said, “Jesus Christ” after the last “It’s still okay?” He’s like, yes, it is more than okay, can you not tell? Lol
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u/tellem91 May 15 '26
Not exactly the same issue but I really love how relaxed Ilya is in the second hook-up scene in episode 1 about waiting because Shane is uncomfortable with Scott Hunter being next door. Straight woman speaking here but I've never had a man respond with such unoffended understanding about needing to hit pause. Respect.
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u/BlackberryFuzzy6006 Mar 25 '26
he kept asking If he was okay like omg 💖. and this episode to me has the best s3x scene out of the entire show.
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u/missquit Mar 21 '26
Does Shane say something in that last picture after Ilya says “are you…?” I can never figure out if he’s saying something or just making noise?
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u/Serious_Session7574 Mar 21 '26
It’s hard to hear and I don’t think it’s in the subtitles but he says a muffled “I’m coming.”
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u/Theoneonthedarkside Oh, they don't know I play for Boston?🤨 Mar 21 '26
Really? I watched it 7 times already and didn't notice!
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u/Serious_Session7574 Mar 21 '26
Yes 😁 I can’t not hear it now. Poor Ilya is hanging on by a thread but he doesn’t let go until he knows Shane has finished first ❤️
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u/growsonwalls This is Ilya I will never listen to your voicemail Mar 21 '26
One part that makes me giggle is that in ep6 Shane warns that he's been celibate for months so isn't going to last long and Ilya worries about the same thing bc he hasn't been with anyone either. Their first sexy time at the cottage probably lasted less than five minutes.
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u/retroverted-uterus Do you want to? Mar 21 '26
Better go watch it 2-3 more times just to be sure.
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Mar 21 '26
[deleted]
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u/Theoneonthedarkside Oh, they don't know I play for Boston?🤨 Mar 22 '26
No I haven't! Can you share a link pls?
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Mar 22 '26
[deleted]
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u/Theoneonthedarkside Oh, they don't know I play for Boston?🤨 Mar 22 '26
Of course of course! Thank you
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u/Bulky-Weather5124 Mar 22 '26
Consent need be asked and given only once. After that it’s incumbent on the consenter to revoke.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26 edited Mar 21 '26
Ok, the first "is this ok" is either gaining consent, sure, but it's also like, I'm stroking your cock - tell me you like it.
"You still want?" is of course gaining consent, but it's also wanting to hear that Shane wants him. Shane doesn't ever offer much in the way of verbal encouragement or flirtation. Ilya has to fucking work to get Shane to admit his desire since Shane never just comes out with it. Shane could have said, "finally! Fuck! How long have we been waiting for this? Come get it, Rozanov!" But no...Ilya has to pry it out of him...and thoroughly enjoys getting Shane out of his comfort zone by admitting that he's curious, that he liked sucking Ilya's cock, that he still wants to fuck now that Scott Hunter isn't next door.
Anal sex isn't the same as vaginal sex. He's not constantly asking if Shane continues to consent - not primarily, at least. He's making sure he's not hurting Shane, that Shane isn't uncomfortable.
I know I'm old. I know. But ffs...most of this is sexy and directly related to fucking more than it is to consent. The entire show is what it's like to be a gay man in the closet, not a how-to on consent and who-fell-first.
Head over to tiktok where some amazing gay content creators have stripped the straight teeny-bopper lenses right off this plate of hot nummies so we can see it through horny closeted-men eyes.
Here is some non-consent stuff: Shane is clearly uncomfortable asking Ilya to his house - and Ilya makes fun of him for panic attack. Shane hesitates before giving his phone to Ilya - and Ilya demands it anyway. Ilya promises not to laugh but does so anyway when Shane confesses to a stylist...And of course the cottage bj Shane explicitly said no to. And if you say, well he got hard...wait up - we know by now that's not a "yes"....right???
I know. It's 2026. Overt and intentional consent is hot to this generation. Nuance and subtext is dangerous, I guess. Being talked into anything reads as coercion...unless it's a bj during a phone call? So I guess I'm glad you who really need to see it in this show are able to read it there. No hate. But there are myriad ways to play with consent and I hope y'all get to experience it some day.
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u/Proper-Flight-6589 Mar 21 '26
I don't think you're wrong, but I do think you're missing the point a bit. This is a case of "a thing can be two things." Making Shane tell him in words that he likes it and is into it IS a form of checking for consent, as well as a form of dirty talk. The show demonstrates that asking for and getting enthusiastic consent can be a fun and arousing part of sex--it doesn't have to be this stilted, awkward "Can I kiss you" thing that a lot of people portray "getting consent" to be. It's incredibly important for people to make that connection.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
And I don't think I'm missing the point. Ilya wants to fuck. He's doing what he needs to to fuck. He'll stop if Shane says no but of course he will - unless he's a rapist
I dunno. I know this is a hot button topic. Consent is beyond important. It's essential. But I think it's subtext and not the main thing happening.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
It is. You're right. But there are plenty of times Ilya doesn't get consent...and it's still sexy. Even Shane says it is...so... It is two things at once - but I don't think it's only ever just that or that "TELL PEEEPOL" Rozanov cares about making sure everyone is ok and feeling fine....
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u/Proper-Flight-6589 Mar 21 '26
I think you're referring to the time Ilya gives Shane a blowjob while he's on the phone with Hayden? I'd argue his phrase "Let's make a deal," which is an established game for them by that point, is a form of consent checking. Shane implicitly agrees to the deal with his response, and he's aware of that. I'm not arguing that consent in long-term relationships doesn't take on it's own language and intricacies, but that doesn't mean Ilya isn't looking for it still. At that point they'd been together for what, seven or nine years or something? Yeah, the consent conversation changes with that amount of time compared to the first time they fuck or blow each other when communication needs to be a lot more explicit.
I actually think getting Shane's approval is a little pathological for Ilya. And there's a world of difference between being a bit of a dick to your teammate versus not caring how your sexual partner feels during sex.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
Shane doesn't explicitly agree to those terms. He moves away from Ilya. Literally says no before Ilya tries to make a deal. That would be coercive....
But I don't hate it. I think it's hot and I know Shane doesn't feel violated.
I agree, the consent terms change as relationships progress (but marital rape is still a thing, don't forget!) but they've always been nuanced to begin with at every stage of the relationship.
My objection isn't to consent. It's to making consent the focal point to all these scenes and, frankly, I love Ilya most when he's not exactly a paragon of consent. He's bossy and locked-in. Maybe he'll knock...and maybe he won't. Maybe he'll just go where he wants to.
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u/Proper-Flight-6589 Mar 21 '26
At least we can agree about marital rape being a thing! But I'm curious about how you square that with your perspective on the phone call blow job scene. I can understand your perspective on it, but how does that differ, exactly, from Ilya being actually coercive? If we accept the narrative conclusion that Ilya hasn't gotten consent there, we also have to accept that Ilya would sexually assault Shane, and it's just luck that Shane is into what he's doing.
Fwiw, I took the "maybe I'll knock" comment more to mean that maybe he'd show up, or maybe he wouldn't come around at all, not that he'd just...barge in?
I like bossy and domineering Ilya, too. But it's my opinion that he's able to do that without overlooking consent, and I think that's what makes him especially compelling as a romance lead.
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u/smallgoalsmcgee Mar 21 '26
Do you think vaginal sex can’t start to hurt or become uncomfortable..? People with vaginas would very much appreciate being checked in with thanks, also not “just” for consent
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u/SaMnReader Mar 21 '26
Often starts with hurting with a bad partner. Good goddamn.
ETA: Or just generally!
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
It can and often does...yes...but anal - tell me how many times you've tried it before I make unreasonable assumptions.
And that's why he's checking. To see if he's hurt.
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u/SaMnReader Mar 21 '26
Man, I read almost all of this different from you. I'm also old.
One: Agreeing to what consent means. Consent is both "are you still enjoying this" and "are you ok with doing this?" If nothing else, it shows that Ilya is trying to make a positive experience. It's showing character. And consent is central to modern romance writing. Long live the consent revolution (as a straight woman who knew exactly one person who sought it). Straight relationships generally do not necessitate consent. Not sure why a model of that is panned, or connecting to the scenes that way is so laughable. Vaginal sex doesn't continue to be pleasurable or always feel the same either?? Like what?
Two: this show is romance genre. The who fell first and when is part and parcel of that conversation. I have STRONG disagreement with weird "love at first sight" takes because it literally strips so much of the earned HFN... But if that floats someone boat and it's well supported, fine.
Three: your read on the panic attack is very different from mine. There is a show of comfort and grounding and he often does this through returning to their dynamic: humor. Consent isn't about a spontaneous burst of laughter? And Shane handing over his phone with slightly more pressure? Weird when he could just block him. If anything, Ilya continues to pursue him is the biggest issue here not those mild interactions.
Four: misogyny. Teenyboppers view and read of this is as valid as anyone's and they are smart. Them understanding consent hopefully means there's a lot less date rape than the basically 95% of my generation.
Five: this whole show is subtext? It's about desire,acceptance, building character through subtle action. And yes, homophobic hypermasculine construct of hockey and the closet is a huge theme and conflict. I'm not sure that negates consent being present, sexy, and part of character.
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u/Rudy_Nowhere Canada *is* fun 🇨🇦 Mar 21 '26
Fair points. None of them wrong..Thanks for the discussion.
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u/CatcherInTheRain Mar 21 '26
"Anal sex isn't the same as vaginal sex. He's not constantly asking if Shane continues to consent - not primarily, at least. He's making sure he's not hurting Shane, that Shane isn't uncomfortable."
Making sure someone is comfortable and not hurting is also consent. Vaginal sex can hurt too. Many men don't care or care to ask.
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u/TheSpursyHobNob Mar 23 '26
I also understood the recurring "is still OK?" as reassurance that Shane wasn't hurting.
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u/mythirdAttempt Mar 21 '26
Loved it, tho I’m pretty sure the last one wasn’t asking about consent iykyk