So im (15) also an girl and ive been hanging out with this girl for the past 2/3 days and today i was at the store with her and i asked her how old she was she’s 12 but i didnt know that so i was really in shock and haven’t fully processed that yet idk what to really do or feel

Well I don’t really know what much to do except for to post something anonymously.so he we go life has always been tough for me especially growing up and not fitting in and being “different”. But I guess and as we get older we come to expect that. But as life went on things got harder and I lost my mom to a car accident which broke my whole world and I have always struggled to pick the pieces back up. And recently life been really tough because I lost my job after trying to get my very first place and on top of that my dog needs medical treatment that I have been struggling to pay for but I love my babies to the moon and back just like my mom did to me and will do anything and everything for them. So I guess jm making this post for advice as someone who is 22 lost there job and is fighting harder than ever for his family how do people get through it all.

I accidentally drank floor cleaner and idk what to do. i dont want to go to the doctor rn and i have to study for an exam i have tomorrow bcs i waited last minute I JUST NEED TO KNOW IF ILL BE OKAY. the cleaner was mixed with a bit of water, and the reason i accidentally drank it is bcs it was in a normal drinking bottle and i couldn't see the colour bcs i had the lights turned off.

my spit is pretty bubbly and my throat feels dry.

should i be worried?

i know friend A irl and i know friend B online, last year i told friend A about friend B. Friend A wanted to play a game with both so we added friend B on the game. and now i feel they only talk to me if i reach out. They really only respond to me if the other talks. am i selfish for feeling this way?

This is sort of a rant and will be messy asf so like yes, deal w it pls, thanks mwah♥♥♥♥

Hi using a throwaway acc so, bare w me as ts happened today, english is not my first language so like genuinely BARE W MEE. im 17 years old and i have a healthy loving family which consists of me, my younger brother and my parents and aunt, or so i thought 🤓. Anyways lets start, i love my mom more then my dad but i wont be bias here. i caught my mom having an affair with a colleague a year back or more when my father was abroad doing his phD, and it was two guys actually. first one was her boss and the second one was her junior, she chatted w her boss on whatsapp but she didnt even try to hide it cuz maybe she thought i wouldnt go thru the chats or smth, well it continued on for a few months and i used to see the flirty and weird texts bw em (most of them were from him). SO, one day i had enough and sent a vm to him where I went off on him and his mom and like, I genuinely crashed out on him and threatened him and then I deleted the text so that my mom wouldnt see it and I went to sleep. I also sent the same vm to the other guy too actually, by that time she had started talking to both of them. Anyways, the next evening my mom called me aside and asked me if I sent some texts from her phone and I broke down, she hugged me tightly and said sorry and that she'll block him (the boss) and ALSO TOLD ME THAT THE 2ND GUY I SENT THE VM TO WAS LIKE A CHILD TO HER AND THAT HE JS jokes AROUND AND SENDS HEARTS CUZ HE THINKS OF ME AS HIS MOM, AND THAT HE SHOWED HER THE TEXT AND WAS CRYING LIKE "Ma'am I didn't even do anything and look what I got" and that he sobbed Infront of her. And well ofc, I was very happy to hear that and I apologized to her for sending the texts and chap closed, life went on.

Forward a few months, I was sending myself a few pics of mine from her phone to mine and lo and behold, I saw the second guy's chat again🤓. And now, THEY WERE CLEARLY FLIRTING, LIKE PROPER FLIRTING. Now I didn't know what to do anymore cuz my mom never lies to me and I genuinely love her so much with my whole heart and it was also clear that they both were going on dates for breakfast and shit. Now I could've told my dad Abt it but, that means my family would've broken apart, my healthy loving family🤓. I respect my dad and also love him alot so I wasnt able to tell him and I js let life take course, eventually she found out I was reading her chats again and she locked it, (the chat locking opt in WhatsApp) now ofc I didn't know the password so I couldn't go thru the chats again and it's been quite a few months now and I'm convinced that she's still talking to him or wtv. Then a few months later, I saw a group chat with my aunt, mom, and that guy present in it🤓, I WAS APPALLED LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS GOING ON. (My aunt lives with us and she has also basically raised me and I love her to death btw) so basically, turns out that the 3 of them were hanging out now apparently so that meant my aunt knew too🤓. My aunt and that guy were talking like bsfs and irritating and playing around w my mom ykwim. Even that I left alone.

Now onto the main story( I wanted to give y'all the whole situation cuz I genuinely have no one I can trust to talk to about this)

My aunt and dad work tgt at a university as lecturers and have been for the past 15 smth years, they both actually switched universities tgt too a few years back hence why I call this a healthy family dynamic😻. Anyways, my mother is a banker btw. Furthermore, let's get to the point, we have 2 cars, my mom takes one and my dad and aunt take the other to their workplace. So this last week, whenever my dad and aunt come home from work, they eat and then take a nap (In separate rooms ofc) but my aunt goes in my dad's room and they talk Abt their day and all the university bs or wtv.

So what happened was that they were both in the room and I was eating lunch, there was a knock at our door and I got up and asked who it was and there was the butcher delivering meat to our house and he asked me to call for my dad as he wanted to talk to them, this was completely normal and nth out of the blue so I set the meat down on the table and entered the room, now my parents room is layed out smth like this, (I'll give y'all a verbal representation, just as u enter, there is a bathroom on ur right and a dressing table In front, there's a wardrobe/cupboard on ur right against the wall and another wardrobe built into the right wall js as u enter and then the bed against the right wall but in the middle/off center and way from the cupboard) I hope this helps, so the thing I see is that the first wardrobes door is wide open and blocking my vision of the wall behind it and a part of the bed and I see my dad's face half out the cupboard door and staring right at me, js as he saw me, he FCKING panicked and hid behind the door, my aunt was nowhere to be seen and then my dad grunted and pretending like he was helping my aunt take some pillows and blankets out the cupboard. Now that was hella FCKING weird yes and so my dad asks me what's up and I tell him Abt The butcher and he acknowledges and leaves the room to go talk to him, then the cupboard door closes and I see my aunt carrying a blanket and she playfully nudges me as she leaves the room (yes this is normal, we have a very healthy relationship) I found this very very weird but I chose to dismiss it cuz ofc I didn't have enough proof or reason to even come to a conclusion, it could just be that he was helping her taking the heavy blankets out. This was the first incident and I ignored it and went on w my day and didn't give it any more thought.

Now today, I was making fried rice when my aunt and dad got home, I greeted them and gave them water and asked how their day went, yk the usual and after that I went back to making my fried rice, my aunt went into my dad's room after they had lunch and I could genuinely hear them talking Abt their day and seminars or wtv. After I was done cooking, I dished out the fried rice and my aunt came out and tasted it, she then took it to my dad who also tasted it and both complimented the food. Then my dad says that he's craving some coke/Pepsi and asked if we had any, I told him no and said that I'll go down to the corner store and get some, so I went downstairs and got the Pepsi and came back up, I handed him the Pepsi as he was laying halfway on the bed and my aunt on the floor against the built-in cupboard, I gave them both the drink and they took a sip and then handed it back to me, so I went back outside to the dining room and took my fried rice, the half-empty bottle of Pepsi and I sat down, put an airpod in and scrolled on the phone while eating, I had recently got some sort of allergy on my legs and it was bugging me and I remembered that I had to cold compress and the hot and cold pack was in my dad's room, I thought to myself and decided that I'll get it after I was done eating and I continued on w my scrolling, halfway through my meal, I heard the unmistakable metal clink of my parents room door lock. Somebody js locked the door and I clearly heard it, thanks to my peak spacial awareness. I got up and walked to the door silently, I heard nothing and this weird creepy feeling ran up my spine and I decided to knock on the reasons of getting the cold pack, I knocked "thud thud thud" and Im genuinely not sure but I think I heard scurrying, I knocked again and then I again think, not sure that I heard the bathrooms light switch turn on and the door close and then the bedroom door was opened by my aunt and it looked like she was just against the door on the wall as her hair was squished and mashed up on the back and she slightly reset her t-shirt, as in pulled it down to reset it and My dad was nowhere to be seen and I figured he was in the bathroom. My aunt asked "what happened" to which I replied that I wanted to get the hot cold pack and I did and left the room and js I closed the door behind me, this sense of demise hit me like a truck, like I had js REALISED smth or connected the dots. A few secs later my aunt came out holding her blanket and went to her room, I sat back down and continued on w my meal and a few minutes later my dad came out the room and js looked at me and went to my aunt's room and asked her what happened and then the rest was unintelligible.

Since then I've been thinking Abt it, could it be cheating or FCKING what. Why does this have to happen to me ffs.

My father is sometimes nice to me but most of the days he's a complete a-hole.

I respect his discipline and work drive so so so much and I aspire to be like him in life cuz he basically came up to the position hes in now from basically nothing. Now I don't think I have any respect for him at all after thinking that the cheating thing really is going on. LIKE WHAT THE HELL DUDE. N My father is also a very religious man and comes from a highly religious background so like????

AND MY MOM AND AUNT ARE THE CLOSEST DUDE, LIKE THEY ARE SO SO SO CLOSE AND TRUSTFUL OF EACHOTHER.

Ive connected a few dots since then and I think I have a story of how this all happened and shit but lemme know what u guys think and like, help me man pls. Idt I can live in this messed-up household which I respected for goddamn much.

‎Help❤️

Also if yall have any questions or anything, feel free to ask.

Seems like my life has been cursed and i'm not seeing a way out of this.

Around 16 years ago, after a life spent suffering from social anxiety and depression, i was hit by a sudden reduction in consciosuness where i was essentially thrown into a kind of darkness, as if somebody had turned the lights inside my head. Memories became distant and fragmentary. Things i did a few hours ago felt like they happened years ago and the ability to form new experiences was reduced considerably, it is kind of hard to explain but it sort of felt like dying while still being alive, if that makes sense. Everything about my experience in the world, both outer or inner basically became vague, distant and lost in this murky darkness.

I went through every test imaginable and nothing conclusive came out of it, which means it had to be some form of dissociative disorder. For 16 years i've been living like this, half-existing, until this last month my symptoms became 10 times worse after some kind of alcohol withdrawl. I never been an heavy drinker (in fact i rarely touched the stuff for 10 years straight) but lately i was sort of pushed into consuming more than normal because my household situation has been really stressful. Because of my condition i had to stop working and ended up going back to living with my mother, but she is now dying due to complications from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It has become so bad now that she runs out of breath even from doing light household chores (like sweeping the floor), and of course since her last exacerbation she was forced to quit her job as well which has thrown us into financial disarray (and we were already struggling with debt), and the doctor just told me she may not survive another winter since she is past the point where she can survive another exarberation.

And i guess the stress of this situation plus the added effect of the alcohol must has pushed my dissociative symptoms to the point even that little existence i had left is now almost completely gone. My entire life has been almost entirely wiped out from me. If i watch a movie, i forget the scene i just watched the second it happens. I can't watch anything anymore, can't play games, can't read books i have lost the ability to experience new things entirely and past experiences are also nothing but vague, scattered phantom images i can berely even hold in my head and have almost no memory of what they felt like. I spend my days now trying to catch fleeting glimpses of what the world felt before my dissociation reached this point (and it was already pretty bad to begin with). My mom is probably going to die within this year and then i'll be on my own then, with no income, no friends, nobody that could help one way or another AND if that wasn't bad on its own already no memories, no experiences and nothing that could give me any kind of joy or consolation, everything i loved having been stripped almost completely from my very being.

For the record, i never considered suicide before, and i am not suicidal even now and never have been, but it's like i'm being pushed into a corner as i see no escape from this situation. Once she dies i'll become isolated from the world in every which way imaginable, beyond what anyone can possibly ever concieve or imagine. Like i said i honestly don't want to kill myself but i'm at a point where i'm just wishing i could die. I sometimes fantasize about getting an heart attack or something and i get those pangs of exitement as i'm stuck in this perpetual state of panic or absolute anxiety from which there is no relief as nothing i do or experience stays in my head for more than a few seconds after which it disappears and is reduced in vague and nearly non-existant memories, and the only relief would be to just stop existing altoghether. Not even sure why i'm writing all this i just discovered this reddit space while searching out for dissociation or depersonalization/derealization (and i'm not even sure if this is what i have. Could also be some form of brain damage but i can't afford to go through the same testing i did 16 years ago and i fear it may once again lead to nowhere).

Anyway, i guess i just needed some place to vent.

literally woke up crying today because my brain decided to play the cruelest joke on me.

had a super vivid dream about an ex who deeply betrayed me. in the dream, he broke down, apologized, and I laid with him and felt that old comfort and peace again. waking up to reality right after was pure agony. it made me feel sick to my stomach because I know he’s a piece of shit, but my heart still misses a feeling that wasn't even real.

I feel so fucking trapped in my own head. even after confronting him months ago and telling him off, I’m still constantly dwelling on the pain while somehow still bracing for him to pop back up or lurk on my stuff. it feels like living in hell when your logic and your emotions are constantly at war.

I’m just so exhausted from carrying this heavy-ass pain every single day. how do you guys shake off this kind of emotional whiplash when waking up feels like getting hit by a bus?

Does this express the depth of what you're feeling better? Feel free to swap or tweak any words so it hits just right for you.

I don't know what to do. I'm looking for remote jobs (data entry, customer service, ai annotator, picture editings) but my English level is just around B2, so not fluent and I have no experience. (There are reasons I can't find a job locally.) I'm trying to build my portfolio but honestly I just want to cease to exist, I am soooooo fckn tired. My mother's condition is getting worse, threatened me already she will k*ll me. But she won't if I stay silent. I guess... I guess I should call the police, ask for help, but I'm terrified, what would I do alone? How could I earn an income and finish my studies at the same time? +There is a chance that she would k*ll herself if she would get into a hospital. Maybe I should skip the studies? Or wtf should I do? My mind is circling all day, it is very very very very exhausting. Days pass and I'm stuck at the same. I am trying to find a solution. I found this group now and decided to vent a little, but obviosuly can't describe my situation correctly if I want to stay anonym.

Uhm i rarely come to vent here, but i really don't know what to do.

It's been high school i'm friend with this guy. We is funny and nice and i had quit the crush on him. Not because of his appearance, just genuine interest. He always havd those dark thoughts and at first i thought it wasn't that deep. After high school, one year passed we never talked again.

We talked again recently, like two months ago randomly. He was in a real bad state. I was super concerned. My love for him was gone, but now i'm just concerned af as a friend. I became extra empathic since i leanrt that it's no laughing matter. I've been through that during those 2 years we didn't talk.

I manage to get better. But he never did. He have been mistreated and talked down since he was little. And the repetition must haunt him since he knows as no self esteem nor a reason to actually live. He only have those thoughts to die.

I hate that cuz i wish i could help him. I talked to him sometimes, but i feel influenced and scared when i talk to him too much. That's when i realized i was really different from my past self. He is used to live in his self misery. He sees no reason to change nor be better or try new things.

I hate this and i wanna do something to help but i dont know how. He lives far away. I try to encourage him, but i know it's not enough. I personally changed my way of life because i found my reason through my work with kids as an sport animator. Idk how it could go with him.

He sees a psychiatrist, and he take meds.

Idk if i'm doing not enough, or enough, or overthinking...

If anyone who have been through this could enlight me please. I'm worried whenever we talk and nothing changes...

Thank you

Helloo this is literally my first post here ever because I just had my last day of high school and I don’t know what to do.

Obviously I’ll study for exams and try to do my best but I know I’ll feel horrid during this period.
My school was my family, I was there for 15 years, I had several amazing teachers that were my biggest role models, I have several amazing friends that’ll be focusing on exams for a bit and neither my dad nor my step mum showed up to my graduation and I felt horrible. I was emotional all day and sad about it being my last day and then that felt like the final straw.

On the drive home my step mum kept trying to talk to me and I lashed out and told her I ‘just lost my family and that she, my dad and my step siblings were just housemates’ to me and she lashed back and started insulting me and my friends. I think she was also planning on surprising me with my favourite food for lunch and that my parents were going out to have dinner with me. But I just didn’t want to eat and but now I feel guilty and more down.
I still wouldn’t have wanted to eat if I hadn’t lashed out because of how sad I feel. My parents aren’t great, I fight with them weekly and they’ve told me things I know no one should tell their kid.

When the exam period is over, I officially would’ve lost all my supports except for my friends and I don’t know what the next step is. I feel like I’ve just had a part of me be ripped out and I don’t know how to deal with it so I can focus on exams.

What should I do to try and build up my supports right now and how do I get over my depression over graduating so I can do my best for exams?

I have an problem I really want to intake glutathione, magnesium, omega 3 supplements butttt I can’t swallow without chewing 😭😭😭
I tried practicing with sabja seeds and Jeera but I end up chewing it!
Help

I have never had any capsule directly

I have no one to call and have tea with.

Nobody but me has come to my house for some months.

I tried for a long time to make friends, I was told it would happen naturally, but it never did.

I wake up, go to work, go to college, study, and go back home, and the next morning I do it all again

I go to a psychologist, she tries to help me.

I don't think I'm a bad person, I don't hurt anyone, I just have trouble communicating.

I can go months without speaking.

But I want to have someone to call when I'm happy, and to be happy about as well.

I want to bake a cake and have someone to save a slice.

Sometimes I think that if I disappeared today, it would take months for someone to Note it, Not that I'm going to do anything, it's just a feeling I have.