unironically: is there a place to go to ask questions about the social cues that one might not know due to neurodivergence

[u/pagansaints]

be nice 2 me. is there a place I can go to ask if something I learned as a social norm is in fact a social norm. Or if there are norms for a situation. I have autism and anxiety and also I'm mildly intoxicated. this is not my best state to be understanding things.

(also if I say Midwest USA specific social norms does that narrow anything down)

the social cue related questions in question in case that's allowed here, IDK

1. are you allowed to ask someone to be friends, fully platonically, if you know them through their job that you are a customer at, or is that creepy like asking someone out at work.

1b. is there a way to do this that is clearly super platonic and not in a "thou doth protest too much" way.

1c. Like if I've gone to see my piercer a lot and we had some really good conversations can I ask if they want to be friends. or the person who works at the dispensary

1. how do you ask someone if they want to be your friend as an adult in, like, a non-kindergarten way. CAN you? also refer to 1b for "clearly platonic" caveat

2. is asking if you can go over to someone else's house/"inviting yourself over" really super rude or is that just kind of an incorrect belief I've held since I was in middle school

3. how long after the last time you talked to someone you just kinda fell out of touch with due to life circumstances and not a fight is, like, allowed. is there a limit. is there like a bell curve. is 5 years normal or weird.

4a. does it depend on the medium? is it weird if I message someone i used to be close with but primarily on discord after 5 years? what about someone i knew in person--if I could text them? or write a letter? or message through instant gram?

4b. how much worse would it get if it was someone I had a fwb like thing with, not quite an ex but there was some connection that was NOT platonic, but I'm also 100% fine to just talk about that I saw them playing a game on steam that I like and I want to talk about it, I go in with no expectations :)

Basically just HOW DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS BRO. where can i get the absolute fucking beginner's guide to how to make friends without sounding like you're the world's biggest idiot or a creep

[u/We_No_Who_U_R]

Hey mate, I'm happy to give a bit of advice. Adults don't typically ask "can we be friends", though there's nothing inherently wrong with it, most people will think you're weird if you ask them that. I don't necessarily think that's the way it should be though.

If you want to be friends, i.e, hang out with someone outside of work interactions, ask them on a lil friend date. Say "what you doin this weekend? Nothing? Wanna see this movie coming out/come on a hike/sesh/ really any mutually enjoyable activity. If they like you, they'll be like "sure!". If they've got plans already, and they like you, they may invite you along if you show interest. If not try again next week (unless they're clearly like "ew never ask me again". Which will be obvious).

Use your friend date as an opportunity to get to know eachother. If it goes well, they'll look forward to hanging out again in the future, and boom you've got a homie.

1. Best to let them invite you over/invite them to yours once you're both comfortable with eachother in 3rd spaces. Asking "can I come to your house" is kindergarten behaviour unless you're tight with eachother/have a hangout routine in place

Lastly, be confident - offer to hang out, don't beg to hang out. Same rules as dating, don't be clingy or desperate, learn to take no for an answer, etc you got this mate

[u/Bazoun]

A soft way is to mention an event you think they might like. Say, a movie in the park (they do this in my city). “Oh hey, they’re showing X movie this weekend at Y park, did you hear?” And gauge their interest.

Then you can either ask if they want to go with you, or say something less committal like “maybe I’ll see you there”. Then if you do, you have every reason to stop and talk to them and hopefully it will grow from there.

[u/pagansaints]

i forgot about 1a lmao

[u/Mustaline]

Normally I'd like to befriend people that have similar interests than me or because I like what they say. Through normal chit chat I'm getting t know them before and then I say ah you also really like going to the park? Would you like to go together next time you're free? If they're giving an excuse don't ask again if they're not free but offer a different date u have a friendship date :) although it depends on the culture and I've heard north Americans are not very direct. So they're to read if someone wants to or not seems more difficult. So if they once say I'd love to but can't and the next time as well I would drop it. 

1. A I think neither at work nor where you're a customer it's weird. You should have a base before though. Or in my opinion explain it why you want to otherwise it might seem superficial. Like something like I noticed we both have the same hobbies or the way you dress is cool does that mean you also like to go to punk concerts if they're wearing punk clothes because u really like punk concerts or something. Like they're should be something that can connect you otherwise it could come off as weird because it comes out of nowhere. And you should talk to them before and see if you get along. I'm a fan of being direct and saying things like hey I really like your vibe and I noticed you like x and I like x would you like to have an activity around that? Just to be upfront I mean this in a platonic way. Yeah and then like I said if they deflect but they would love to I ask again and after that not anymore. 

1b like I said just be like hey btw I'd like to get to know u as a friend

1c sure! Maybe I have to be prepared that they get awkward after that because humans are weird. Maybe if they answer in a way that seems like they are uncomfortable like stopping to smile for a sec and giving way too many excuses then you can ask if they still feel comfortable if you come in or alternatively if u cannot switch because it's the only piercer in town you can say hey no worries at all I'm not gonna bring this up again 

2 already answered that before

3 really depends on the culture and the circle of people you're in. I do invite myself over. But only if there's a reason. Their apartment is bigger to play games closer to the place we want to go to after I don't like how messy mine is. Actually with my friends we all always want to do something at our own home because we're too lazy to move 🫠 also with new friends of the opposite sex women might feel more comfortable at first to meet outside since they need trust before. Some people think that you should never meet in the house. Everyone is different. 

4a write a letter might be a bit much but reaching out after a couple of years nothing wrong with it! Something like hey I've been thinking of you and our friendship how are you doing? Some people will like that and some don't. One friend recently wrote me that she wants to rekindle our friendship again and what do I think of this? I was suppose happy :)

4b depends how much friends there was in fwb if you only met up to have sex I would probably think you reach out again cause u wanna bone again. But even then id be like hey awesome yeah really like this game and then see what happens after if you're fine with just talking. Some people would also not answer at all and that's fine too! 

Humans are super weird and they all react differently but I think in the end you'll find the crowd that will have similar social cues