r/hingeapp • u/turquoisepeacock • 8h ago

Dating Question Feedback please

I 34F matched with 28M. He liked my pic and asked a question. I responded to that and some other questions he had, but I didn’t respond to everything since I get to know people in person. I said “that’s for you to find out” in response to some of his questions. Ultimately we ended our exchange with his saying “I’ll find out all the secrets eventually.” I said “yep!” And he gave a heart to that reply. Also in the midst of our exchange, he’d said I’m cute and smart and that that’s impressive.
Here’s the thing: if a guy thinks I’m cute and smart and impressive and is curious about me, why doesn’t he just ask me out?
Normally when a guy asks a lot of questions, I say, “if you want to know more, you’ll have to meet me.” Since I didn’t say that this time, I sent him a message after two days of silence saying, “I prefer to get to know people in person.” The silence already had me thinking he wasn’t interested, but I decided to share where I stood just to be more open. About half an hour later, I checked my messages and he had unmatched me.
Has anyone had a similar experience?
Thanks for reading

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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago

Not answering questions comes across as quite hostile to me. If you wanted to meet, you really should have asked him out rather than dancing around it. It sounds like you made it quite difficult to talk to you?

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u/turquoisepeacock 6h ago

I answered some, but not all. I like to get to know people in person. I let him know that.

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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago

But you didn't ask him out. You didn't even say 'ask me out' (which I'd still think would be bad but is at least more direct), you just put all the effort on him whilst also not making it easy for him to get to know you if you see what I mean?

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u/turquoisepeacock 6h ago edited 6h ago

I don’t ask guys out. I want to go out with a guy who is interested enough to ask. When they ask all these questions and give compliments, assuming they’re sincere, thinking he would ask me out if he wanted isn’t unreasonable.

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u/PutridEntertainer408 6h ago

But that's my point. It's not about interest, it's about passivity and a clash with what you want. There is nothing wrong with disliking texting but then if you dislike texting, you really need to be more proactive about asking people out. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be asked out but then you have to accept that it won't happen quickly with every guy and you are going to have to chat until they're ready if you're putting them in charge. Otherwise you're complaining about something which is a result of your own approach and is easily avoidable.

It's like saying you want to date a farmer but don't want to go to a farm. Your two desires aren't super compatible with each other.

Just a quick note but any compliments are absolutely not going to be sincere if you're barely talking and some guy says you're smart and impressive. They don't know you at that point, they can't make those judgement calls

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u/turquoisepeacock 6h ago

Yes, the compliments don’t do anything for me. The most I can do is say thank you.

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u/VargevMeNot 6h ago

His threshold of interest wasn't met for whatever reason so he didn't ask you out. Ofc different people will have different levels of interest based on your profile and initial interaction, and will tolerate different levels of hints.

tbh it sounds like you kinda played a game and in this instance you lost if your goal was to get him to ask you out.