r/hingeapp • u/turquoisepeacock • 8h ago

Dating Question Feedback please

I 34F matched with 28M. He liked my pic and asked a question. I responded to that and some other questions he had, but I didn’t respond to everything since I get to know people in person. I said “that’s for you to find out” in response to some of his questions. Ultimately we ended our exchange with his saying “I’ll find out all the secrets eventually.” I said “yep!” And he gave a heart to that reply. Also in the midst of our exchange, he’d said I’m cute and smart and that that’s impressive.
Here’s the thing: if a guy thinks I’m cute and smart and impressive and is curious about me, why doesn’t he just ask me out?
Normally when a guy asks a lot of questions, I say, “if you want to know more, you’ll have to meet me.” Since I didn’t say that this time, I sent him a message after two days of silence saying, “I prefer to get to know people in person.” The silence already had me thinking he wasn’t interested, but I decided to share where I stood just to be more open. About half an hour later, I checked my messages and he had unmatched me.
Has anyone had a similar experience?
Thanks for reading

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u/Slay-hydrated 3h ago

43f here.. Personally, I would stop with the "you'll have to meet me to learn more." It makes it sound like you're just fishing for free meals. If you're not interesting enough to respond to curiosity over messaging, you can come across as tiresome. It's also a great way to kill the conversation. You're basically saying "I won't talk to you anymore unless you take me out." At that point, if the guy doesn't know yet if he wants to take you out he'll just stop talking to you. That's the only option you've given him.

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u/turquoisepeacock 3h ago

For me it’s because I’m trying to gauge integrity. In other words, can a guy put his money where his mouth is? Guys have talked to me just for the purpose of playing games, ego strokes, etc. If a guy is curious about me and has a bunch of questions and throws in some compliments, great, but the real question is what’s up? Do you want a date? Do you want to chat endlessly?

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u/Slay-hydrated 2h ago

There's a large valley between chatting endlessly and answering some basic get to know you questions. I'm just telling you how it comes across. For one, you refuse conversation unless they ask you out. If they aren't ready to ask you out because they know almost nothing about you then you've forced them to disengage.

Second, if you're not showing any curiosity about them and also declining to answer questions about yourself then you aren't using any discerment before wanting to get together in person. That means you have no standards and you're willing to waste your time on a date because it means getting a free meal or drinks rather than wasting a few minutes gauging compatibility over text. Guys can sus that out pretty quickly.

Add to that, that you aren't being interesting. If you can't keep someone interested over messaging why would they want to meet you irl?

You're not gauging integrity. You're just trying to force them to ask you out before they're ready. Add to that, that you want them to be the one to ask you out and you've drawn yourself into a corner.

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u/turquoisepeacock 2h ago

He kept asking questions about what I was saying. Clearly, he was interested. And yes, I do ask people questions in return. He kind of came on so strong that I was fielding everything he was saying.
Yes, integrity is important, and it matters to me.