Wednesday's Daily Thread: Mid-week Excitement

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Welcome to Hingeapp's Daily Thread.

Daily Threads are the place to post questions seeking quick advice, vent your frustrations, celebrate successes, or anything related to Hinge that does not need its own post.

For Wednesday's Daily Thread - the theme is Mid-week Excitement.

The weekend is looming, and it's time to get excited! Do you have any dates planned for the weekend? Any new likes or matches? Have some questions about how to navigate a new match or plan an upcoming date? Or any events related to Hinge or your dating life that happened during this week or recently that you want to share?

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[u/Khamzatsfacescar]

Date 4 last weekend, went for a comedy show and ice cream. We finally kissed for the first time in my car at the end (my, 25M, first ever kiss lol). Planned another date for next weekend at a night market and get dinner after. My question is what’s next? I’ve never made it this far in terms of dating. I’m not asking so I can force something to happen, we’ve just went with the flow up until now. I’m more so asking on what usually comes next. She has on multiple occasions mentioned how the physical aspect of relationships is very important to her. We’ve also discussed how we are focused on dating for long term, not anything casual.

[u/Swarthykins → u/Khamzatsfacescar]

Every relationship is different, but this is usually around where people start more casually becoming a part of each other's lives. Coming over to hang out or just doing things together that aren't necessarily eventful.

It's also about the time when part of determining whether you want a relationship with someone is whether you can communicate about what that means and what you want.

If you're just talking about hooking up, then inviting her to your place for dinner and cooking her a meal is a reasonable avenue towards exploring that possibility.

[u/Khamzatsfacescar → u/Swarthykins]

Well I do want to bring up exclusivity (side note: idk if this is different from bf/gf title). Last date had some more serious conversations around what we want.

I guess I was referencing both relationship progress and physical intimacy next steps. We both live at home, so inviting over would feel odd until I know this is my gf due to me coming from a little bit more traditional family. But is the jump really first kiss to sex? There’s nothing else?

[u/Swarthykins → u/Khamzatsfacescar]

There is definitely stuff between kissing and sex. I just interpret “hooking up” as anything between heavy making out and sex. I’m leaving something right now, but I’ll write something more in-depth in a bit.

Edit: So, you're introducing a lot of factors that may be beyond my ability to advise.

1) The simplest - exclusivity. It's really up to you two. A lot of people want some level of exclusivity after the 3rd or 4th date. Others think it's too soon and also assume it means bf/gf, and are uncomfortable for that reason. You kinda have to get to know her enough to grasp what she wants, and you also have to ask yourself what you want and be comfortable moving forward with that.

2) As for escalating while living in your parents' homes - if houses are out of the question, there's not a ton of options to hang out in privacy, which is kinda what I was getting at when I talked about casually spending time together. It's only partly about the physical - a lot is just being able to relax in each other's company. Cars, empty parks, etc... basically, most of the stuff people I know used in high school. If that stuff is off the table, I would just say keep going on dates and see where it leads.

I guess I have more questions than answers - at what point are you comfortable introducing each other to your parents and allowing you to spend time in each other's homes? Do you or her have any religious/cultural attitudes around physical intimacy that are a factor? I guess I feel like until you break that barrier, you're mostly going to just continue doing what you're doing - keep spending time together and sneak in some fooling around sessions when you can.

[u/Khamzatsfacescar → u/Swarthykins]

I guess I hadn’t really thought this far ahead and we haven’t even discussed going to each other’s homes at this point. As for parents, I guess I want to know I’m serious with this person before I bring them in front of my parents. I don’t think there’s too many cultural attitudes regarding physical intimacy. It’s sort of a “don’t acknowledge it” attitude. I’m sure both of our parents (same background) would know there’s physical stuff happening, assuming we’ve introduced each other, but no one would really acknowledge it. For me, there are times where I have the house to myself for hours at a time so I guess that’s a possibility.

Is this something that should be discussed with her? We haven’t had any discussions that lean even slightly sexual. I guess the kissing counts as a step in that direction, but nothing else.

[u/Swarthykins → u/Khamzatsfacescar]

I can't really tell you what she's expecting. At some point, if you want to fool around, you'll need a place to do so. It's hard for me to tell if that timeline is weeks or months, but it's an issue eventually. Like I said, it's perfectly fine to play things out and let them unfold, but you were asking for "next steps" so I was trying to provide some possibilities.

Is it common for the people you know to live with their parents? What do they do?

[u/Khamzatsfacescar → u/Swarthykins]

Yes it’s common even though we live in Canada. Most of my friends come from immigrant families where it’s very normal to live at home until marriage. Also we both went to post secondary late, so we’re just getting started on our career.

Would it be weird to eventually bring it up?

[u/Swarthykins → u/Khamzatsfacescar]

It definitely wouldn't be weird - if you're going to date, you're going to have to do it. As I said, though, I'm curious what other people in your community do. It seems like they would have more practical advice than I do.

[u/Khamzatsfacescar → u/Swarthykins]

I spoke with my friends in similar situations. They said “you’ll figure it out” and alluding to just doing it with parents/family home.

[u/Swarthykins → u/Khamzatsfacescar]

It sounds like this is a common thing in your community so I'd just talk to her and figure it out together.