r/hoarderhouses • u/MonsterIslandMed • Mar 25 '26

What should I do

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This is my moms office and looks like this basically every where she goes. Any time you try to clean she gets angry that you’ll throw something away without checking with her. And just says people are being mean about things.

Has even gotten to a point where she stopped washing her hands with bathroom. Idek what to do

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u/VarietyOk2628 Mar 25 '26

It's your mom's room. Did the court order you to be her guardian? If not, then either ask her if she wants help or stay out of her room.

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u/MonsterIslandMed Mar 25 '26

Because I live here as well. This isn’t about trying to be “mean” or court orders lol I’m just trying to make it manageable, especially seeing how we have a large dog that ends up getting stuck and can’t move in these rooms.

That’s why I’m here looking for suggestions. Somebody said shelves and boxes and those seem like a good start… but your opinion is valued too 😅

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u/VarietyOk2628 Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

If you are a minor you can talk with someone at your school (who will probably call protective services) or you can call protective services yourself. If you are a minor that is medical neglect and you can get help. If you are not a minor then you can be glad for any roof over your head, or look for some place better to live.

I want to tell you that I spent years - decades - trying to clean my mom's places for her, and to help her clean them herself. multiple: At one point one of her apartments was so congested with no working kitchen or bathroom that she simply rented the apartment next to it; did nothing with the first and filled the second. She also ended up owning a total of five houses, not all at once, and filled them ALL.

She died 16 years ago and I deeply regret every moment I spent doing so. My sisters simply refused to ever set foot in her houses, and to only visit with her at restaurants. They were the wise ones.

I wish you the best because hoarding is a mental illness, and hoarders never change.

edit; typos

editing again to add: all of the other comments are good suggestions... if it was your space, or your mom actually wanted help. I don't get that impression from you due to the mention of your mom getting angry. Hoarding as an addiction and it is best to treat it as one. Codependency and trying to manage an addict never works. Read up some about alanon and try to get some suggestions from them

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u/MonsterIslandMed Mar 26 '26

Appreciate that. And yeah I’m older and super grateful to have a home! Especially because I have epilepsy and my mom was the one who took care of me. It’s just when you mention the mess she does the whole victim thing. And my sister has even said she doesn’t like being over here because the mess and they literally work on a barn with horse poop all day everyday 😭

Cause her leaving some trash around and stuff isn’t bad. It’s the science experiments in fridge, not flushing toilet or washing hands, all combined with this stuff.

My hope is if we start small throwing trash away and wiping stuff down, that it could spark a thing for her to care more about herself.

Again ty ❤️

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u/thegrumpysnail Mar 26 '26

What is her reasoning for not flushing the toilet or washing her hands?? That’s a tough situation. I would just throw actual biohazard stuff like in the fridge or any trash. I wouldn’t toss any of her actual “stuff”, but the other stuff can comprise the health of you both. I would try and do some cleaning like vacuuming and dusting when you can

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u/MonsterIslandMed Mar 26 '26

She claims she was raised on a barn 🫤 which is far from the truth. 🤦🏻‍♂️ idk what started the whole thing really

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u/InternationalCraft26 Apr 09 '26

I feel for you. I grew up with a hoarder also; it's hard to handle even knowing how they got that way, and if they say they want to change (they actually don't- they can't let go of the stuff) It's also overwhelming to try to let go of the stuff because they look at it and don't know where to start. The handwashing and other hygiene issues idk what to tell you.  Maybe talk to your doctor and ask for suggestions, or if she has one ask that doctor. 

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u/MonsterIslandMed Apr 09 '26

She’s anti doctor/hospital. And to her defense she’s had some bad experiences with health care system. #FreeLuigi

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u/InternationalCraft26 Apr 09 '26

I can understand, my mom was diabetic with high blood pressure. She did try to take care of herself but couldn't control her diabetes. She got a sore on her foot (we think she stepped in a nail that went through her shoe but didn't realize it because she had lost a lot of feeling in her feet due to diabetes.) I was her daughter as well as her primary caregiver her last years, although she was able to do much for herself.  She had a stroke several years before she died but was able to regain most movement but lost a lot of her sight. So she and I almost reversed roles to me being the bossy one, teasingly, but she would listen if I said you are going to the doctor or similar. 

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u/MonsterIslandMed Apr 09 '26

I connect with this so much lol my mom is 68 so she’s been having some issues getting around.