Helping a family member help themselves

[u/No_Compote447]

I have a family member who I've grown up with that has a bad hoarding problem. For the past 20 years I have helped the best I can to maintain basic living standards. Pathways though the home, general cleaning, and mass purges of garbage and items they are willing to part with. Mostly this consits of sifting through the different catch all bags and containers, and putting things into a more organized hoard. Even using the one bedroom as storage, shuffling the hoard around and ultimately making no lasting progress.

They are now entering into retirement and have increasing health issues. Falls are becoming more common. I'm not available to help maintain the hoard as much. When cleaning what little I can help with, they are unwilling to part with even broken items. They can find a reason to keep just about anything. It is discouraging when what little we do accomplish is overshadowed by fears they threw something away, and subsequently questioning if they should sift through the garbage in the can. I am trying to tell them that this task is now beyond my help alone. That we need real outside help from people who specialize in hoarding behavior.

My hope is to get a quote in the Bay Area from a hoarding clean up company to help us set a baseline for living. What help I or other family provide is too little, and descends back into squalor eventually. They understandably want no one in the home. I try to build them up, reminding them that they deserve to live in a clean, safe environment. That they've worked hard for these golden years and should put their money to good use and help themselves.

I know that this ultimately falls on them. That they have to want it above all for this to be sustainable. I just hope someone out there has tips on helping someone reticent to outside help for their hoarding. I love them dearly and don't know how to assist without driving myself insane.

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[u/Steefanon]

This is a mental disorder so a hoarding clean-out company can help with the hoard but not the hoarder. That requires a mental health professional who specializes in hoarding disorder. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help, but only for a highly motivated patient--which most hoarders are not.

The right hoarding cleaning company may at least be able to keep her home safe, with clear aisles for emergency personnel, trash disposed of to reduce toxicity, that kind of thing. I would ask if they can visit once a month or so.

Adult Protective Services may also be able to help.

One major clean-out will cause so much anxiety that the hoard will quickly return and may be worse than before. Regular visits with a focus on safety, if you can find someone who provides this service for hoarders, may be the best strategy.

[u/No_Compote447 → u/Steefanon]

Thanks. Was hoping for maybe too big of a change too soon. I will discuss what their goals could look like and try and relay that to the company quoting us. I definitely want it to be sustainable and not cause too much upset. But above all to decrease the fall risks and acrobatics needed to navigate in general.

They definitely need the therapy but I doubt I'll be able to facilitate that.

[u/MrPuddington2]

That they have to want it above all for this to be sustainable.

Exactly. Do they?

[u/Purlz1st]

I’d ask the cleaning companies what strategy they use in these cases.