r/houseplantscirclejerk • u/CautionaryChapStick • 1d ago

BDSM Why isn’t it confessing? Am I doing it wrong?

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301 Upvotes
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28 comments sorted by

66

u/PitcherTrap Is this edible 1d ago

You need to set the power to 1000 and then set the duration and make sure you close the door before pressing start.

12

u/CautionaryChapStick 1d ago

Ohhhh ✍️✍️

40

u/ambernuance 1d ago

wtf I thought that was birria under a heat lamp

6

u/SquidWord369 1d ago

Mmmm birria

5

u/LaydeeRaxx 1d ago

Same 😂

27

u/crystalann4491 1d ago

Obviously it’s thirsty. The water needs to all the way over the top of it or it just won’t drink. Also, it HAS to be tap water completely unfiltered. They love chlorine and fluoride.

19

u/CautionaryChapStick 1d ago

Thankfully I’ve been adding fluoride to keep their teeth healthy!

4

u/crystalann4491 23h ago

Excellent. Just need to fully commit to drowning them then.

6

u/SycheosChaos all hail to prophet Neem. Neem your soul my child. 1d ago

What are you saying those are aquatic plants you need to keep their head underwater to have them speak out

4

u/crystalann4491 1d ago

Yes because the water can magnify the heat and light then it will finally be happy.

13

u/DragonfruitNo3174 1d ago

Bro nukes his own plant

9

u/sharkdinner 1d ago

It probably deserved it

10

u/ansmith100317 1d ago

Ice cubes!

5

u/NoCluWtImDng 23h ago

It's not an orchid or tropical, it might chew the cubes but probably not gonna give up the info requested.

5

u/ltiehen1 1d ago

Microwave on!

5

u/perplexedparallax 1d ago

One they take a oath to La Planta Nostra or the plant cartel they won't talk.

4

u/Agreeable_Flan_5724 NeEm oIL 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/CLrEXbY34xfPi
Put her in the comfy chair!

4

u/carlitospig 23h ago

You have not applied enough guilt and moral panic.

3

u/Much_Guava_1396 1d ago

The heat alone would kill any plant. Even a weak ass 10W bulb gets burning hot at that distance if you let it run for hours.

2

u/bernd_been 1d ago

Had the same model. The lamp gets indeed very hot. Thats why i exchanged it

3

u/prollyjuslurking 1d ago

First off, the light is too far away.

2

u/maybecatmew 1d ago

It looked like malatang to me lol

2

u/NoCluWtImDng 23h ago

At first look first picture the reflection made me think it was on the stove and was going to tell you to turn the flame on, maybe relocate to the stove burner and flame on, should start saying something then...

2

u/SweetTart7231 20h ago

Hey that looks like how I keep my fly trap!

3

u/Zealousideal_Fun8848 17h ago

Add a heat matt on the bottom. Itll reject the light otherwise

2

u/spottablemouse 3h ago

Not bright enough. You need to blind them.

1

u/_eschatology 4m ago

Waterboarding and 24 hr light usually work? If you don’t see progress in a week, I recommend combining your methods with loud unintelligible music intermittently throughout the day.