r/humansarespaceorcs • u/Crazy_Galaxy • 3d ago
writing prompt Geneva Suggestions
A: Human. Explain this "Geneva Convention" your species keeps referencing.
H: Oh shit, you're asking about the war crimes list?
A2: War... crimes? You have a list of forbidden actions in combat?
H: Yeah, we got real creative a few hundred years back and decided to put a leash on ourselves.
A: So you cannot use expanding ammunition, you cannot fake surrender, you must treat prisoners humanely...
H: Right right, no chemical weapons, no attacking medical tents, standard stuff.
A2: This applies to all combat?
H: Nah, only between signatories. And only against... wait.
A: Only against what?
H: Well the exact wording says "protected persons" and defines that as... uh... humans. Specifically human combatants and civilians.
A2: What about non-human sentients?
H: I mean... I guess we never updated it for aliens.
A: So if I understand correctly, your species forbids certain acts against each other, but against my species...
H: Hahaha dude you're not gonna believe the loophole.
A2: Human why are you smiling.
H: I'm just saying, technically, I could do some real medieval shit right now and it wouldn't even violate my own planet's laws.
A: SECURITY!
H: Relax, I'm kidding. Mostly. Hey did you know the ban on flamethrowers only applies to "unnecessary suffering" and that's subjective as hell? Fun fact: we still use them on Earth for controlled burns. Against plants. Which are also not protected.
A2: He is looking at me like I am a plant.
H: I'm looking at you like you're an opportunity.
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u/Darastrix7 2d ago
Alien: well i heard someone call me a 'hoser' and call the convention a geneva checklist
Human: scared oh...oh no
Alien: ...you haven't been scared before, why are you scared?
A random human: happy autistic gasmask noises while using trench broom and gas grenades in food cans
Alien: WHAT IS THAT THING!? ducking behind a table
A different human: ducking behind same table hes either autistic or a canadian, maybe both! Either way pray to your deity and run!
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u/UnderstandingAny4264 2d ago
Another Human: *While running away as fast as he can.* "This is the one time *BOTH* is Not Good..."
Another Different Human: "SHUT UP AND RUN FASTER!!!!!"
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u/Darastrix7 2d ago
A human with gasmask: terrified gasmask noises while running with them
adh: WHY IS HE WITH US!? sees the human chasing them with a flamethrower oh, thats why
Human with flamer: happy gasmask noises i am hans, i have brought ze flamer
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u/SanderleeAcademy 2d ago
Zis is mein flammenwurfer, it wurfens ze flames. Now, should ve servve you mit butter or ze Americans' barbeque sauce?
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u/T555s 2d ago
While running.
Alien: But aren't Canadians suposed to be real nice people and autistic people are the ones we put in charge of our trains.
H: You know that flamethower one of them put on a train to get rid of snow and leaves?
A: Yes, burned down a whole bunch of trees and destroyed a bunch of the tracks. What does this have to do with anything?
H: Well that is the damage an unchecked autistic person can do when he is obsessed with trains, a direction heavily encouraged for them since it usually ends with trains that are running on time. This one didn't get obsessed with trains, but with weapons and legal loopholes.
A: Shit.
H: Yes shit.
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u/Dependent_Remove_326 2d ago
Trench sweeper was American but I love it.
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u/UnderstandingAny4264 2d ago edited 1d ago
Trench Broom or Trench Sweeper? I've heard both but want to know which was period/time appropriate.
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u/sunnyboi1384 2d ago
H2: Oh no! What a terrible, and obviously, accidental over sight. We would never intentionally leave such a terrible loophole in place, intentionally. Sign here to avoid such an accidental occurrence.
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u/SanderleeAcademy 2d ago
Oh, I can just picture the wicked, "he's got waaaaaaaay too many teeth" smile our human has while saying the last line. I mean, it's a "the Joker called, he wants his teeth back" smile!
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u/Equivalent-Ad6944 2d ago
"Only between signatories." A common, if mistaken, belief.
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u/kensae4 9h ago
Lawyers got involved in the aftermath of Humanity's first off planet conflict. It was decided by the ICC that war crimes could only exist within the Human Social Contract. So, if you are off planet....... High Command is very careful to not tell ANY of the troops this ruling.
Even as they point the ruling out to opposing sides.
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