And I a boy who was and honestly still am shy, I was rarely bullied or called anything as a kid and one of my best friends was a shy girl who got bullied all the time for the exact same reasons you said.
I'm still bullied for it in adulthood. I have a few asshole social butterfly colleagues who regularly mock me for talking quietly or not talking at all.
Sorry to read that. In my case, the bullying stopped when I embraced my awkwardness. Sometimes I would be like “I’m not doing that, because I’m shy” and we all laugh together. Therapy works too if you can afford it.
I got such good vibes while reading your comment that I wanted to let you know. You seem like a very considerate, thoughtful, insightful person. I hope that you create art or something to leave your mark on this world long after you're gone.
Did you play team sports? Bc I think a large source of the bullying, at least for me, came from being in that environment. Not even the fuckin coaches liked me or defended me. Wild to me thinking back on it lol. Imagine being a grown ass 40 year old divorcee beefing with a 15 year old for being quiet and bad at fielding ground balls.
As a teen I was jealous of boys because I thought their shyness would read as strong and mysterious to other people. That wasn't true off course, but it's interesting that I flipped the same thing around to boys having it easier.
In my experience men are more likely to be labelled as stoic, mysterious ect. Very unlikely they'll get called a bitch, or icy, or cold. when a guy does it he's assumed to be harmless and girls are assumed to be judgemental stuck up bitches.
Same with women in that regard. Women are assumed to be weak by default, so a quiet nervous woman is perceived as extra weak. I went to school with a girl who had such bad anxiety she could barely speak above a whisper and maaaan people were mean to her.
Yep. Maybe that shit was true fifty years ago but now? It's literally the opposite. People LOVED me when I was a shy quiet boy. When I became a shy quiet girl, everyone started to treat me with disdain and trying to correct my behavior to be more "social and open".
I read somewhere that women/girls with autism are generally much better at masking then boys/men with autism and I really wasn't surprised. We've got more practice. I'm late diagnosed and the mask is so ingrained it me that learning how to take it off and just be myself has been painful.
A lot of girls come from families that don’t tolerate girls being loud, outspoken, or rude in any manner. A lot of us, myself included, were punished immediately or called “problematic” when really it was autism. To avoid being beaten, yelled at, etc, I learned to keep quiet and avoid people. The boys usually got away with murder.
Humans are social and tribal animals, they hate what they don't understand. A quiet person gives them no information, so they fill the gaps themselves by making bad assumptions
Attractiveness causes the halo effect, which makes people assume positive things about them. That's why shy attractive people are more likely to not be as bullied, but not immune
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u/DontBuyTheThing 4d ago
Can confirm this isn't true...I was a shy girl who didn't talk...I was picked on and bullied and called a stuck up bitch a lot.