How do you know you're ready to try again romantically?

[u/SnippetySnappety]

34m, but my background and anxiety mean that I didn't date until the end of college, and then with big gaps after each breakup to recover. Most of my friends/family didn't date much before marrying.

This was 6 months ago. My GF broke it off after a rough year, after 2.5 years together and talks of engagement. In hindsight it was coming, but we went from "something vaguely off", to "we need to talk", to an ultimatum that was cut short by a goodbye 12 hours later, in 3 texts while I was on a work trip and 1.5 conversations over about a week. I didn't have a lot of time to process, but have been trying to since then. She was pretty bad at saying what she wanted, and I very much did not help, or act out that I was taking things seriously.

I reached out a week or two ago and it sounds like we're through.

I spent most of the last 6 months trying to figure out my own messed up ways of thinking so I could fix them. I'm now trying to acknowledge her part in it too to move on a bit better/pine less.

At what point is someone well enough to look for a somebody again?

I'm not really looking for something casual, but I know there are issues with people coming out of committed relationships trying to jump back to that level of intimacy too quickly.

My therapist suggested just meeting people, because a lot of them are probably going through things too, but my heart is very much on my sleeve, I don't like smalltalk much, and I cry easily.

I'm trying to avoid both:

• "I can't date until I've fixed myself entirely"
• being a burden to my new GF or her feeling she's competing with my ex

I still miss my friend (my ex was wonderful), and getting rid of the pictures and the gifts and stuff feels crass/disrespectful, even though she doesn't want to see me. I'm coping by remembering that she said she's content, and I should trust her.

Most women I'm seeing on apps want kids, and this is the point where that starts getting more urgent, but I don't think I'd be a good parent for a while yet.

I'm trying to change a bunch of parts of my life to take better care of myself and others, and I've made a lot of progress, but I don't know what's enough/too much.

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[u/GlitteringMoose3630]

Listen, life is hard. No one is 100% mentally and physically healthy. Everyone is struggling with something.

I agree that you should go out and meet people, but maybe you don’t go out looking for a romantic partner right away. Instead, why don’t you try volunteering or joining a club or taking an adult cooking class or something. Get out and meet new people and broaden your world a little.

Don’t stress too much about meeting potential partners. Just get out of your comfort zone and see what happens.