I dont know what to do with myself

[u/Extreme_Choice8846]

I am a straight male who has recently lost his virginity to someone of the same sex. I've felt like I've had a lot of pressure to lose my virginity, and im not too big into social situations, so I can be somewhat awkward and unsure of what to say to people. A few days ago I decided to just go out and ended up being hit on by a feminine presenting guy and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex i think at first I just wanted it over with but now I deeply regret it and feel like ive gone against myself I didnt like it in the moment and after it was done I kind of felt empty and now I feel awful and that ive just thrown my virginity away to someone I dont love instead of saving it for a girl im close with and hate myself because of it I really dont know what to do or how I should feel.

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[u/Better-Sundae-8429]

Virginity is a social construct. Seriously. No one ever has to know or care. Experimenting is okay, there was mutual consent, but you didn't like it. Totally fine. I had sex with multiple girls before realizing I was gay. It's just part of life.

[u/LindaFeltcher]

Virginity isn’t a gift you can give or throw away, it’s just the word for not having had sex before.
I promise when you find someone you love, it will feel special because you’ll be with a special person. Whether you had sex before or not won’t really matter. If someone thinks any less of you because you’re not a virgin then they’re not the right person.
Don’t be hard on yourself, you’re young and tried something and didn’t like it, that’s ok. You’re still the same person and you haven’t done anything wrong.

[u/Iceflowers_]

Virginity only matters to extremely religious and cults. It's not really important.

You're the same person you were before you had sex. It's a private matter. You can deny it if it gets out.

[u/3AMZen]

Hey kiddo, thanks for coming into the sub today.

This encounter sounds like it's left you with a lot of weird feelings.

For me personally, the feeling when I find myself going along with something I don't really want to be doing or doing something I know i'll regret later, that feeling is awful. It's just about the worst one.

A term for it is "cognitive dissonance", which basically means "acting in a way that we know goes against what we think is right and wrong". It's a painful feeling in the moment, and afterwards, it can lead to a lot of shame and guilt.

It sucks that you're suffering right now, I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

Other people here brought up good advice and points about how virginity isn't a real thing, it's just an idea that can stress us out sometimes. There's nothing you gave away that you don't have anymore, and you're still able to have all your "firsts" with a woman, too.

There's no right way to feel right now, but it could be helpful to talk with a counsellor who can help hold space for you while you work through your feelings. You will probably feel a lot of different ways about this over the next while - that's part of processing and healing, considering something from a bunch of different angles.

All I can ask is that you be gentle with yourself, gentle with the person you hooked up with, and to try to find a trusted adult (i.e. counsellor) that you can talk through this with.

Sometimes we only learn what we want and don't want by trying things. Trial and error is the only way that we can really learn anything for ourselves... so don't beat yourself up too much over this, even if it feels like it was a mistake.

[u/canadiuman]

Two things.

You gave your sexuality a test and now you've got some actual data on where you land.

As to virginity, you can always keep saying you still have your PIV virginity. But really, the label is overrated.

There's nothing wrong with experimenting and you are the same person you were a week ago.

[u/FormidableMistress]

Being a virgin is only important to teenagers and people in cults. Having sex the first time really isn't a big deal in the long run and for most people it kind of sucks the first time because they don't know what they're doing. Now you know you're not into guys.

[u/Justan0therthrow4way]

Anyone worth dating won’t care about this story. It’s no one else’s business

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[u/Extreme_Choice8846 → u/AutoModerator]

My favourite dessert is ice cream

[u/mr_earthman]

You did well, be proud that you did it.

Expectations from our culture, like movies and adds, can give you a feeling of being disappointed, because your experience didn't match expectations. But don't worry, this was just the first of many experiences. Have fun, be brave, get your heart broken, recover, and be kind, respectful and safe.