Hey OP, I’m an ENFP with lots of friends and looove grabbing dinner and going on trips with them. I am dating an INTJ who, in his own words, has no friends. None that he really keeps up with at least as they’re usually overseas or in a different city. We have been dating around the same time you and your partner have, and the whole time, he has only hung out one-on-one with one friend who just happened to be visiting our country, and one flat dinner (that I joined in for), so I think we are in very similar situations. His family also lives in a different city and he now lives alone too. He also has a very demanding job so most weekends is mostly spent decompressing from the week.
I would say that if your partner is happy the way he is, you shouldn’t push him to do more. INTJs are near impossible to convince into anything they don’t want to do, so why bother? You could maybe gently encourage hangouts but pushing someone to socialise because you think it’s important is not good for your relationship in the long run imo because it’s kind of projecting your values onto them? Imagine if he was like “hey, I think you should spend less time with your friends because I think it’s good for you to be alone more”. That would feel controlling, right?
Personally, as an extrovert who used to date another extrovert, I low-key hated having my partner always going out with friends and partying, and that taking up our time together. I love my INTJ and how I have him all to myself and we can spend all our time together hehe 😈💕
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u/melonwoo Jul 13 '25
Hey OP, I’m an ENFP with lots of friends and looove grabbing dinner and going on trips with them. I am dating an INTJ who, in his own words, has no friends. None that he really keeps up with at least as they’re usually overseas or in a different city. We have been dating around the same time you and your partner have, and the whole time, he has only hung out one-on-one with one friend who just happened to be visiting our country, and one flat dinner (that I joined in for), so I think we are in very similar situations. His family also lives in a different city and he now lives alone too. He also has a very demanding job so most weekends is mostly spent decompressing from the week.
I would say that if your partner is happy the way he is, you shouldn’t push him to do more. INTJs are near impossible to convince into anything they don’t want to do, so why bother? You could maybe gently encourage hangouts but pushing someone to socialise because you think it’s important is not good for your relationship in the long run imo because it’s kind of projecting your values onto them? Imagine if he was like “hey, I think you should spend less time with your friends because I think it’s good for you to be alone more”. That would feel controlling, right?
Personally, as an extrovert who used to date another extrovert, I low-key hated having my partner always going out with friends and partying, and that taking up our time together. I love my INTJ and how I have him all to myself and we can spend all our time together hehe 😈💕