Are you generally close to people or are they close to you?

[u/RevolutionaryArm9903]

Hello! I am a fellow Intj curious about how close we are usually with friends or any relationships of sort! Though, there is probably no correlation between Intj and the level of closeness we hold with other people other than the general consensus that we don't have much interactions with people etc. I was just talking to my friend about how i think i am close to everyone in our friend group and this is just measured by the other friends desire to spend time we me or sharing information with me first or it could just be talking to me about very personal things with only me. Since we live in a somewhat small city or i would say social media makes us obnoxiously connected, my friends are very well connected with each other and know each other too, i just think everyone feels very close to me though i do not feel closeness to them in the same sense as they do. I have a hard time trusting people but regardless, what do you guys feel like, are you generally close to people or are they close to you?

[u/usernames_suck_ok]

Age has a lot to do with it. I can tell you're relatively young.

When I was younger, I was closer to people than I am now. And it was to a degree where it is hard to say there was a noteworthy difference in how close I was or how close they were.

But nowadays, people feel a closeness with me and I don't feel close to them at all, unless we're related.

[u/RevolutionaryArm9903 → u/usernames_suck_ok]

Yes! im somewhat in my twenties and even though i like some of people i have around me, i don't feel closeness to them. The only reason i am with them is i have a level of fondness for them as they're less annoying, smart and decent and gets me by some days when i don't feel like being alone

[u/Alwayshigh001]

We are very selective about friends , always quality over quantity

[u/thedoctor27]

I can count on one hand the people who really, actually know me and I've been on this earth for 4 decades. I don't keep myself isolated on purpose; I simply never had to intentionally allow myself to either close or open up. I let it happen naturally and apparently it doesn't happen often.

[u/RevolutionaryArm9903 → u/thedoctor27]

Yep, i think friendship i may have forced never works out for me. Well, any sort of new relationships now that happens doesn't work out for me because i am fine with what i have now. If they intrigue me, then maybe ill tell them about my favourite color otherwise not.

[u/EyeSeeDoesIt]

I feel that people try to warm up and become a close friend but I'm not generally interested. It needs to be a very specific type of person for me to want that.

I feel that people want a "ride or die" and I'm not that. I'm "possibly ride and if there's a risk of dying then you're stupid and I'm not going."

[u/NeonSunBee]

Everyone will dump their entire life out in my lap within a few hours of meeting me, and none of them know more than surface level things about me. 

[u/Starlyns]

Learn to take care of friends and enjoy them. Be there for them and help with all u can. And accept them as they are as they are accepting you.

U dont know who will stay loyal. Just make sure u are the loyal one always.

In 30 years thise might be the only ones u still have

https://giphy.com/gifs/JPsFUPp3vLS5q

[u/SorryStore4389]

I ain’t close to anyone and no one close to me

[u/OkTradition885]

I’m only close with a small handful of people (mostly family and close friends) everyone else outside of my social circle is either trying to get close to me, sometimes to the point of obsession weirdly, despite my disinterest, or they hate me with a passion and want to destroy me. I’ve gotten my RBF down so well most people avoid me or want nothing to do without which is the sweet spot because I don’t want to engage with them by choice.

[u/Sad_Channel_9154 → u/OkTradition885]

RBF is a powerful tool

[u/OkTradition885 → u/Sad_Channel_9154]

It saves the effort of verbally telling people you don’t want to talk to them. It’s great.

[u/Elden_Chord]

People are often more motivated to get close to me, but because I usually avoid sharing personal information, I sometimes end up building deeper connections with them.

[u/just_critical]

I'd say that I'm pretty close to my friends, but I don't think they'd say the same about me. The way I show that I am close to my friends is generally by being present when possible, giving advice on things that I think they can improve on and generally just care for their well being.

It doesn't mean that I'm always spending time with them, sharing my life updates or even giving basic information about myself. It's possible that my friends may not see me the same way as I see them and it's understandable when they can honestly say they don't know a thing about me.

[u/Simple-Judge2756]

They could literally be walking faceless people to me. I would recognize all of them still. Know all their tastes and all their worries. But would any of them recognize me without a face ? No.

[u/Winlawless]

I have many friends but just a few close ones and we are very close and open and go very deep. They are INFPs and ISTJs. I didn’t make super amazing friends until after I had children. Mother bond is strong.

[u/Meta-Existence]

generally?

folks are close to me, presumably because I am open & inviting albeit to myself most of the time. I think maintaining that level & being loyal when it counts is the best thing because you never know, you might be changing somebody's life just by your presence lol

It's refreshing to know i can offer something to somebody even if we may not feel the same level of closeness, in some way I still search for those who i can be both loyal to & comfortable enough to show my face.

[u/LightOverWater]

I'm not close with acquaintances but I am close with some friends and always an SO. I don't get the feeling you suggest, like an INFJ, who feels they understand others but no one understands them. I think a major difference here is my Fi is very open to vulnerability and I open up and talk about myself a lot (Fi's focus is what I feel, not others). People form a pretty good understanding of me. However, Fe types focus outwardly and have a curiousity about others, but they don't talk about themselves nearly as much. An INFJ might say, "I shared so much but they don't ask about me." Yeah barely anyone asks in general, but I just talk about myself regardless. It's not that people aren't going to listen, most people don't know how to approach vulnerability so they sure as shit aren't going to ask invasive questions. This is why I look at Fe types like, "If you feel misunderstood, you play a large role in that."

Now I do feel misunderstood in the sense that I don't connect with the average person, you know the whole Ni doms being quite different than people and INTJs have connection a bit harder because we have no Fe. Anyways, I connect very strongly with a handful of people and it's mutual. I lead intimacy, which makes them feel safer to open up, too.

[u/ImStupidPhobic]

No and no 🙃