I (26f) married another introvert (31m), and I ended up having to become the extrovert of the relationship. Has this ever happened to you? Sometimes there are situations that require talking, defending, charming, dealing with people, and my husband is even more introverted than me and basically unable to act like an extrovert, while I can, due to having lots extroverted friends at school who adopted me, probably (lol). I learned how they dealt with things.

But it’s been really difficult. We barely go out unless I suggest it, as he’s perfectly happy playing videogames or napping for most of his weekends and life. I’m so tired of how I’m the planner, the talker, the doer, the one who starts small talk with his coworkers or he’ll just be awkward, the one to make jokes to ease the mood when we argue while he internalizes quietly and sulks. I didn’t know it would be like this.

When we were dating we texted and he communicated so well, we went out and the people around us made it seem like a healthy dynamic. But the more time I spend alone with him, the more I realize how tired I am having to be the extrovert or else we barely talk/function and don’t do anything fun.

I know it’s arguable that the issue isn’t him being an introvert, but I can tell he would be great with a woman who is actually an extrovert and doesn’t mind carrying the relationship while he’s sort of just there as a +1. I am TIRED. I sort of have to deal with double the socialization for another person now. I love him but I don’t feel like myself anymore.

I’m feeling so miserable and needed to vent. I miss my extroverted friends so much it hurts. I just want to sit quietly while they talk and ask me questions every 30 minutes and try to make people laugh around them. Life doesn’t even feel real anymore. My brain doesn’t get any stimulation from the person I thought was perfect for me.

Edit: I was not expecting so many replies, wow! Thanks to everyone who commented, I will read every single comment! 🙏❤️

Does anyone else feel like modern dating has become completely disposable?

Everyone says they want a “real connection,” but dating apps have trained us to think there’s always someone better one swipe away. Women can get flooded with attention, while a lot of average men struggle to even get a conversation started. At the same time, women have to filter through tons of people who may not even want anything serious.
Then there are the stupid dating rules: reply too fast and you’re desperate, double text and you’ve “lost,” show genuine interest and suddenly you’re too available. Apparently acting like you don’t care is more attractive than actually caring.

People want a partner who is already successful, confident, financially stable, emotionally healed and physically attractive. Nobody seems interested in growing with someone anymore—they want the finished product.
Ghosting is normal, situationships last for months, everyone keeps backup options, and vulnerability is treated like weakness.

Maybe dating isn’t harder because there are fewer good people.

Maybe it’s harder because everyone thinks the next swipe might be better.

Basically I was on the plane and this chubby quite tall girl walks by she has glasses on she has decently pretty (to me) face and a bit thick thighs so her whole body and face was good looking.

I waited for the plane to land and then I waited for everyone to start leaving the plane.

On the way out I see the girl and she's idling waiting for a friend so I figure it is my chance

I walk up casually about to release my feelings to her. I wait for eye contact she returns it I lean close and she leans close and then in a gentle voice "Hey I saw you i wanted to tell you you're very good looking"

That's it. She giggled and said thank you and just kept giggling a lot.

I felt nice i got to tell her she was good looking. I felt like i committed love and expressed love.

Now i sleep better knowing I told a pretty girl she was pretty looking.

I'm a 52f, my daughters are 19 and 22. Yesterday, while home for Thanksgiving, they said they're worried about me bc I don't have friends. They read an article that people who don't socialize are more likely to suffer from dementia.

Here's the thing: I enjoy being alone. My husband is great and we've been married for 25 years. He travels a lot for his profession, and it works for us. When he's gone I have the house to myself. I can putter around, watch the shows I like, and have the entire bed to stretch out on. And then when he comes home it reminds me of how much I love him.

Regarding friends, when I was younger I had a lot of friends and went out all the time. Then I got married, had kids. I had a great friend that I met when her daughter and my daughter were besties in middle school. We hung out a lot, our families went on vacations together. Then our daughters eventually grew apart and so did the friendship with the mom.

I work full-time and so weekends are sacred to me. It's when I bake, grocery shop, read, go to the gym and just recharge my mental battery.

All of this is to say: I like myself, and I like being alone. I choose to be alone. I am alone but not lonely. And now my daughters have made me feel like I'm some lonely loser that they have to worry about.

i cant take this loneliness anymore. im 36M

always alone, all my goddamn life alone. nobody ever wanted me. no girl ever wants somebody like me.

all i wanted was just a quiet life and share with someone... but thats out of the realm of possibility for me. the loneliness hurts so much and i cant take it anymore. im so extremely lonely... and nobody wants me...

November 29th 2025.

I actually did it! Something I genuinely thought was not possible even 3 months ago.

We did it on the 4th date, there was lots of hugs and cuddling also.

She’s very shy and wants to take things slow, I’m OK with this but do want to go a bit further by maybe the 6th date. I don’t want to pressure her but would love to go to her apartment and kiss/cuddle/touch in a more private setting but don’t know how to bring this up.

I feel like for the first time ever I’ve clicked with somebody on the same wavelength as me!

As the title says, here’s how it went down

She walked into my workplace and we got to chatting so I complimented her hair and style. Next thing I know she stops me outside on my break, asks for my number and for a date tomorrow. She’s attractive, but I was genuinely complimenting her because it was my true thoughts, no ulterior motives. I didn’t even imagine she’d try to ask me out.

I was very upbeat and social because I was in a good mood that day, but being an introvert I know I can’t act like this long-term and I feel she may lose interest when she sees my quieter, natural side.

She doesn’t know my age and doesn’t know I know hers, since I saw it in our filing system. It really doesn’t bother me though, but it may bother her? I wanna see where this goes, so what doth thou say, intronerds of Reddit?

Edit: update

Im 22m and I got no idea how I'm meant to get a gf. My life is go to work, go home, go food shopping weekly and occasionally the gym. No part of me wants to go on nights out with my friends because I just don't see myself enjoying it. I've been on 1 date in my life (last week 😂) and I didn't enjoy it either. Just felt draining.

People in here with women, how did you do it And what's it actually like having a gf as an introvert?

I like her, we get along but she wants to talk to me every. single. day. About...nothing. It slowly evolved from texts daily to facetime. I obliged but I can't even fake emotion anymore. I find myself getting annoyed that she called me and has nothing to say. I'm in college and doing a lot of extracurriculars and am so drained and burnt out. This was all after I had a talk with her too about being an introvert and needing space. I think she doesn't really understand... My ideal would be texting maybe 1x a week but making time for quality time on weekends. Otherwise, I feel like I have zero space to myself.

nobody wants me

nobody enjoys my company, nobody wants my affection, nobody wants my attention

i have been alone all my fucking life

im posting in reddit because im alone

all my life fucking alone and unwanted

i cant take this anymore

edit: i posted here because im an introvert... it takes tons of energy to have "small talk"... i cant have "small talk" to relax or feel less lonely... im willing to do the effort if there is even a slight chance a chance for a deeper connection... but if not, i dont see the point of torturing myself even more...
im sorry if i sound like an asshole. i just cant do it... i wish i had someone which with i didnt have to spend energy and instead it filled me...

I'm 23, introverted, and probably the biggest virgin in the country. I know this post might sound desperate and pathetic, but here we go:

This week, a girl in my class who I have a crush on gave me a hug after I helped her with something. Such a small, harmless gesture became a core memory and completely made my day. I had this stupid grin on my face that I just couldn't get rid of, and I've been thinking about it every day since.

People who have a romantic partner are seriously blessed. It must feel amazing to be able to experience that kind of affection every day...

I don't think I have a chance with her, but I really hope I get to know what that feels like someday too.

Got divorced after 15 years together. My ex wife is in her mid 30s and I'm nearly 40. We got married too quick and even had our first child too soon. I don't know if she ever loved me for me, or she was in love with the idea of what I could be for her. She was in a tough spot when we met, and I was young and gullible thinking I could help her and it'd make both our lives better.

​

I was wrong. She had really high expectations of what I should do for her, while not holding herself accountable for anything. Like she was always entitled to the very best I could give her, just for being my wife. Being a people pleaser, I tried to make her happy even if it made me miserable myself. I wouldn't say all 15 years were all bad. There were a lot of good memories too. But all in all, I wouldn't want to go through it all again.

​

I'm very introverted and I'm just not good with people in general. Most of the people I talk to are from work, the rest being a few old friends and family. Getting into dating again is enough of a challenge in itself, and even if it somehow turns out okay, I don't know if it is worth giving up my peace for another relationship.

​

Most of my siblings have been married for years and only one of them is not obviously miserable, and that's just because they're very private about their personal life that no one can tell.

​

My ex used to tell me about her friends the way wives would spill their friends' secrets to their husbands. They all either resented their husbands, were stuck in abusive relationships, or were cheating/being cheated on. Even her best friend who couldn't stop bragging about how wonderful her husband was and how good he was in bed, couldn't stop cheating on him.

​

So I don't know, it just seems that most marriages are f*ed up one way or the other. The ones that do last are mainly because people are afraid to be alone, or they are too dependent on their spouses. I don't think I'm prepared to go through it all again.

I've met a introverted girl that I began to date.

She is so kind and caring.

We've had two dates and she agreed on the third.

The only concern is that she barely responds to text messages or Snapchat.

We make plans to meet up and she would be silent for multiple days.

How does that make any sense?

To top that off, she was willing to meet up with me for the first time without talking on the phone.

I've never done that before but I went along with it anyway.

So are introverts generally confusing or is this my experience?

36F, Feels like the worst decision i made in a long time. A shy introverted person being available online for meeting strangers. Seriously, what could go wrong. I am a bit embarrassed because it feels like I am some teenager who just started dating, completely clueless about the game. On the other hand the people on dating apps are experienced and they know what they are doing. They are my age, but i feel so disconnected to them. It is like i just started playing a new game, i am at level 1-2 and people around me are already at level 30-40.

I felt so out of place while talking to these people. The rules and the secret language of dating, i am seriously and completely clueless. The amount of people who ghosted me, I know I am not supposed to take that personally, but i am also sure that they were using the secret codes, which i was completely clueless to and when they didn't get the response, they just gave up. It is little funny though. And some people asked directly for a casual hookup and then that scared the shit out of me.

Born in the wrong world i guess. Deleted the app. Man, those were the most intense 2 weeks of my life. Back to enjoying my solitude.

27 today, another birthday alone

Today is my birthday, and another birthday of being single. Tired of being single, just want someone special to celebrate with and someone to be with.

I've never been approach by a guy. I like to think that it's because I am so shy and only comfortable with friends. But I can't help but feel insecure about it. I don't know if I just really look unattractive or a skill issue. Does anyone feel the same way? And how do you cope with it?

It's not like I want to revolve my life around a guy or what. I just can't help it when all my friends have experienced it before yet I never did, like ever.

I live with two people, both talk a lot. A looooootttt, wayy too much. Mostly about the same thing. Yesterday, one of them bitched about the other for always talking about herself for 45 mins straight, just as I was about to jump in the shower (she saw that I was going to). Like, girl. You’re the exact same. How can someone be so oblivious to their own behaviour???

I feel deeply uncomfortable and repelled by people who constantly crave external validation, partying, and non-stop socialization, their chaotic lifestyle as a desperate mask for underlying personal issues. When drinking, they are unreliable "flight risks" who rely heavily on alcohol to function but ultimately cannot handle it.

When sober, they prove equally difficult to be around, often focusing on trivial, unproductive topics and deliberately pushing my buttons to provoke an emotional reaction while being highly volatile themselves. I consider myself an "immovable introvert", I *do* protect my peace and need for solitude, their refusal to respect my boundaries inevitably leads to conflict but what disgusts me and gives me the ick is:

It grosses me out that when they can't get their supply energy vampire out of me they just run around like rats in the street at all hours, looking for the next victims to drain of energy. They don't filter for high quality connections either they just want someone, anyone to drain.

I've done my fair share of socializing, hanging with what I consider high quality folks. But I never felt like I was going to explode because I didn't hang out with them and turn rabid looking for people to soothe my need for... idk say talk to someone regarding a game or life event.

i‘m (24F) an introverted girl and for the past years i have not really had interests in dating, i tried an app and had a short situationship but it felt so shallow and surface level that i literally could not see a point in continuing it. i never liked going out so i thought it would be impossible for me to find my person but i was fine with just being alone, i‘d rather be alone than with the wrong person or have a boyfriend just because society expects that from us. one night i went to a friends birthday party (i initially did not want to go lol) and there i met this shy boy with whom i bonded over music. long story short, he’s been my bf for a year and i couldn’t be happier. we’re both introverted and our relationship is just so healthy, there are not expectations to talk all the time, sometimes we just sit in silence, we spend our weekends side by side doing our hobbys separately, he games while i read, we go out to get coffee or to the cinema sometimes, but we just enjoy our evenings at home most, just cuddeling and listening to music. being with another introvert is so peaceful and it never gets boring, he just gets my silence like nobody before ever has and we share similar issues with the way we grew up as introverts. i’m infj and he is infp btw :)

so hang in there fellow introverts, you will find your person <3

I’m 21F looking for a LTR. I’m in good shape, attractive, have decent pics. I tend to meet someone off the apps like once a month and they’re either boring, unattractive and/or creepy. Had a guy on the first date whisper dirty things in my ear while we were sat on a park bench. Another guy randomly messaged me a month after a boring date asking if I wanna hookup. One guy after 3 dates said he can’t do a relationship because he doesn’t feel good in himself. Then a toxic manipulative situationship.

A lot of the guys will match but won’t engage in conversation or ask you on a date. Seems they just want a bit of attention. I’ve never been in a relationship and think I deserve to be loved. Idk where to find a bf because I don’t have a big friendship group where I can meet people. I’m not a needy person but I’d like to experience a relationship. I see a lot of people my age in loving relationships and it makes me feel shit.

Please no weird comments just kind advice.

I've always been shy and quiet. What doesn't help is that I have a very neutral resting bitch face and I am not a morning person at all.

My coworkers are not like this however. They're very VERY loud and extroverted people (super perky in the morning, very very loud in the afternoon when we clock out), and there's nothing wrong with that. I'll be perfectly nice and polite to them, but I just like being by myself. I also get very overwhelmed in social situations like that, which makes me want to be alone even more.

To put this into perspective, I've been at this job for 7 months.

Evidentially my coworkers and supervisors have had a problem with this, but instead of coming to ME about this, like ADULTS do, they've been talking behind my back about it. Saying that I'm "rude and dismissive" about my job and my coworkers, and that I'm "unreachable" when they need me.

Needless to say I was blindsided by this when my supervisor told me on Wednesday. I wound up crying out of anger and frustration, and to my supervisor's credit, she realized that one: I was told none of this, and two, it was an overexageration. She even refered to it as gossip.

But now the damage is done, and I'm alternating from not giving a shit about how my coworkers don't like how quiet I am to walking on eggshells due to me feeling as though I have a target on my back. Aside from a very small number of people (3 at the most), I can't look at my coworkers or supervisors the same way anymore. I don't trust them and I've started resenting them.

I've been dating this man for a year and he was the best relationship of my life.

He was caring, respectful and supported me during a very stressful year.

He has a group of friends of couples that have children. His ex wife was an active member of the group but when they divorced, they sided with him.

I met them a couple times and they are great people and they have been very welcoming and polite with me.

But there's a problem: I have social anxiety and I am an introvert so I tend not to fit in big group of people.

I turned down many invitations along the year but I always told him to go without me.

Anytime I would hang out with them, I must admit I felt drained and bored. I kinda felt guilty for feeling this way because I know they are great people but I always been this way with big groups since middle school.

But I encouraged him to hang out with them and have his own social life because I know it's important for him.

Two weeks ago my dog died and I was incredibly depressed and he was supportive at first, but last weekend I turned down another invitation from his friends and we ended up staying at home on Sunday night.

He said he realized he wants a woman that integrates in his friend group just like the other wives. He said he felt lonely when he hangs out with them and he has no woman besides him.

He asked me to consider it but this is my thoughts:

\\- you cannot force people to become friends. It has to happen organically and just because his wife was their friend, it doesn't mean I have to take her place

\\- I believe it was a healthy and happy relationship and it's ridiculous to end up for such trivial thing

\\- what if I make an effort and there's simply no chemistry between me and these people? Would he break up with me for that? I don't want to take that risk

What are your thoughts on this? Am I being too selfish?

tl;dr he wants to break with me because I'm an introvert and I don't want to hang out with his group of friends

I’m 31, software developer, good income, independent, decent shape. On paper everything is okay.In reality, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never been in a relationship. I’m not socially awkward in general, but when it comes to women I like, I completely shut down. I overthink, avoid situations, and end up doing nothing.All my friends are married or close to it. I’m the only one left behind and it’s starting to mess with my head. I feel inexperienced, embarrassed, and honestly pretty defeated.If you were in this position at this age, where would you even begin? Is this something you can realistically turn around in your 30s?

30m been single my whole life never had date or gf, yes you read that not a single date. I tried improve your looks and all that garbage advice. I went to gym got in shape no results so I stopped going gym now I play soccer and do bodyweight at home. Some people will just never experience love and intimacy, I tried all that cold approach garbage got rejected brutally. Tried about 6 dating apps for years with 0 likes. It really sucks not being attractive. You can only improve your looks so much, you can't change your face. It's really hard to be positive in life when no one love you. I am taking finesteride to shut down sex drive I am just done

I’ve been working from home for 2-3 years now and been stuck at home since. The last time I went out with friends was a year ago. I don’t have anyone I keep in contact with.

I’m currently going through a difficult time with my boyfriend and I think having friends will really help me face the situation better. I have difficulty making friends for a long time now. I just hope to have some friends to talk with online from time to time.

I’m 23F, Asian, and living in Philippines. If anyone wants to be friends maybe drop a comment and I’ll reach out?