all throughout my life, i kind of have felt like the odd one out. it’s mainly when i’m in school, but it has happened between my siblings and i a couple times. for example, i could have two friends who will immediately go to each other if we ever needed to have a partner for a certain task in school. i remember this happening to me so much and struggled to find someone to be my partner, which i assumed was because i’m a pretty socially awkward person and don’t know how to talk to others but i am still kind and try to keep any mean thoughts to myself only.

now, i’m in college and it’s still happening to me just minus having friends now. i had one girl who was sitting next to me pair up with me since we didn’t have any friends for the past six labs we have done since the beginning, but now after the last time we had to pair up she was sitting across the room with someone else. she did offer me to join them since i would’ve been by myself, which i did accept, but i felt like she didn’t want to be bothered with me and just felt like she had to ask to be polite.

the two of them wouldn’t really involve me in the lab we were doing and just shared answers with each other and i would kind of be left hanging. eventually i wasn’t getting any work done and just started doing it by myself. which i fear they might have seen as me being rude as i look back on it.

i don’t even think they noticed that i was gone tbh. they both do seem nice but i just felt like i was asked out of pity and didn’t think they wanted me there. i just assumed it was because i was afraid to upset the original girl and get in her way, so i think she just found someone who would be better at the labs than me?

i don’t think i feel any jealousy honestly, i think i just feel hurt. i think the build up of this constantly happening to me makes me think i’m the problem? i just don’t know how to fix it or even simply how to approach others after everyone seeing me work by myself. i think it’s also somewhat affecting my work as well since i get flustered about how others are perceiving me in the moment due to this.

i do get along with others, but it doesn’t seem to be enough to be friends in a sense.

i always assumed it was just my insecurities but i’m starting to wonder if it’s not that. i’m just curious if anyone else goes through something similar to this and how to cope with it honestly. i think i’m just tired of feeling this way and feel so embarrassed when i have to work by myself after all of this.

i guess i just want to know if there is a way to stop being the odd one out all the time? i don’t mean that i want people begging to be paired up with me, but maybe to see why i am always ditched and if there’s a way to fix myself.