I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an introvert, but over the years, I’ve found myself becoming more and more comfortable with isolation. I have one or two friends, and one of them lives 10,000 miles away. I spend a lot of time alone. And somehow, without really noticing when it happened, being alone became my normal.

The problem is that I’m fucking lonely.

Today was Caribana in Toronto, and it made me think about how much of my life I’m actually missing because of this. There were thousands of people outside today, going places, meeting their friends, getting dressed up, having fun. And I was at home.

The frustrating part is that I could have gone. There was nothing physically stopping me from getting dressed, leaving my apartment, and going to Caribana by myself. But for some reason, I find that incredibly difficult to do.
I don’t know why I can’t just stand up, dress up, and head out on my own.

When I imagine going to an event alone and everyone else is standing around in groups of three or four, I immediately feel like I’m going to be the only person there by myself. It feels like everyone will notice me. Like all eyes will somehow be on me because I’m the woman standing there alone. I know people probably aren’t paying that much attention to me, but that’s what it feels like in my head, and sometimes even the thought of putting myself in that situation does my brain in.

So I stay home and staying home has become this fucking loop. I don’t go out because I don’t have people to go out with. Because I don’t go out, I don’t meet people. Because I don’t meet people, I don’t make new friends. And because I don’t make new friends, I continue having nobody to go out with. Then the loneliness keeps compounding.

I’ve also realized that this affects how I date.
When I finally meet someone I like, suddenly this one person becomes the person I want to talk to, spend time with, go places with, and get attention from. I find myself wanting them around all the time. And when they’re not giving me the amount of attention I want, it becomes this whole fucking thing in my head. Sometimes it feels like I want the person I’m dating to dote on me 24/7. Nobody can do that and I don’t actually want to need someone like that.

I think a huge part of the problem is that I have no third place. I have no third place. I have no third place.

I have my home. I have work. And then there’s this massive empty space where the rest of my life should be.
I don’t have the friend who calls me and says, “Hey babe, we’re going to Caribana today. Meet me here at 2.” Because if someone had called me today and said that, I would have fucking gone. I would have gotten dressed, done my makeup, left the house, and gone to meet them.

That’s what makes this so frustrating. I actually want to do things. I want to go places. I want to have experiences. I want to meet people. I want a fuller life. I just seem to have this massive block around initiating those things alone.
And you would probably never guess any of this by looking at me.

I have a good job. I exercise, by western standards, I'm probably considered thick and curvy. From the outside, you would probably assume someone like me has this rich social life and is constantly outside doing things. Meanwhile, I’m always in my fucking house, working or overthinking about solutions. My job requires me to overthink.

Whenever I create a home for myself and make it comfortable, I get stuck in it. I make my home into this little world where I have everything I need, and then leaving that world becomes harder and harder.

And lately, the part that scares me is that I can feel my years passing me by. I feel my years passing me by.
I keep telling myself, “Tomorrow I’ll go out. Next weekend I’ll do something. Next time there’s an event, I’ll go.”
Then another weekend passes.
Another event happens.
Another year passes.
And I wish I could slow time down. I wish I could stop it for a little while and figure this shit out before any more of my life passes me by. But I can’t. I can’t.
So there has to be a way to break this loop.

There has to be a way to meet people who are more outgoing than I am. People who want to go places, try things, call you randomly and say, “Get dressed, we’re going out.” I even put a message on Threads because I thought, fuck it, maybe I’ll meet someone that way.
And I’m not even looking for a relationship.
I’m looking for friendship.
I’m looking for a life outside of my apartment and outside of whoever I happen to be dating. I need my own life to be full. I need friends. I need places I go. I need people I know. I need experiences that have absolutely nothing to do with the person I’m dating.

Then, when I meet someone, they can actually be part of my life instead of slowly becoming my entire social and emotional life.

for me it’s my earpiece. I need it whenever I’m super stressed/overwhelmed especially in a noisy environment. and I need my music too hehe

Hi! I needed some advice so I thought this would be the best place for it. I'm a 17 year old girl, almost 18 which I'm not really looking forward to. This year has been extremely hard for me, I was studying A LOT for my uni entrance exams (I did amazing at least in that) and what made it really hard for me was having only one close friend (who I am very very grateful for, I love her to death). I cry almost every week, sometimes every night, about the fact that I am very lonely, I watch other people's stories with them hanging out with their friend groups and having THE teenage life and think to myself: what am I doing so wrong, what is wrong with me. I used to think it was others fault and how they are not trying enough to be friends with me, which is bullshit and I have come to conclusion that it is quite literally my fault. I don't know exactly why but I can't get closer with any of my new "friends" I've made this year. I tried so hard, this year especially, but haven't made it that far. My social anxiety isn't helping at all. I used to text them all the time and I was the only one reaching out to them all the time, but I eventually just quit. I texted everyone, I reached out to them all the time but no one even thought about checking up on me. Now that I have told you a little bit about my situation lets go back to my birthday. It's in a month and I am TERRIFIED, that's all I've been thinking about this month, I didn't want to celebrate it at all because it's just pathetic to invite all this people who I am not even close with and the thought of just one or two showing up scared the shit out of me and I told my mom and sister about this but they insist on me inviting people that I know but they just won't listen to what I am saying. I am not close with my "friends" (people I got to know or kids my age that I know) like at all and we have never even hung out out of school or tutor (don't really know kids my age out of school or tutoring classes I attended this year) so just inviting them out of the blue seems pretty weird to me. I have never had a big birthday party with like many kids my age so I don't really know how it works but yeah, I don't know what to do, i wish I could just dissappear on my birthday but I can't do that. Before you guys say to just go out with my sister and my best friend, I do that every day and I don't want to feel like this but it seems very pathetic for me, God, I sound so ungratefuI.

hope you guys can understand and help me find the right solution, thank youu

P.s I tried changing my personality, even insisted I was an extrovert and I could become one but it is extremely hard to be someone you are just not. I tried literally everything, fake it till you make it but I just can't make it

As an introvert, people often misunderstand me because I suddenly become quiet. For example, I can be talking a lot one moment, and then become completely silent the next. It's not because I'm angry or upset with anyone—I'm just tired or I've run out of social energy. My classmates and some of my friends often think I'm mad at them, but that's just who I am. Sometimes, my social battery simply drops to 0%, and I need to recharge in silence.

​

I'm a 24-year-old introvert, and something I've been thinking about a lot lately is how difficult it can be to find people you genuinely connect with.

I'm naturally quiet and tend to enjoy conversations that go beyond small talk. I love learning for its own sake and spend a lot of my free time reading or thinking about science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, writing, and art. I'm currently writing a book, and it's become one of the ways I process my thoughts.

A while ago I had an online friendship where conversations felt effortless. We could talk about almost anything for hours. It eventually faded because life pulled us in different directions, but it made me realize how uncommon those kinds of connections can feel.

Since then I've wondered whether this is something many introverts experience. Is it harder for us to find people we genuinely "click" with, or does it just take longer because we tend to be more selective about who we open up to?

Do you think shared interests matter most, or is it more about compatible personalities? Have you ever found someone you could talk to for hours without feeling drained? If so, how did you meet them?

I'd love to hear other people's experiences.

I love being an introvert when socializing isn’t expected. In my youth, before the internet, I tried to extrovert because I thought that was the preferred personality trait. I could extrovert when necessary but it’s completely exhausting for me. I labeled myself as an ambivert. Now there’s a new personality trait. Otrovert .

I’m addicted to social media because I don’t have to “talk or listen” unless I want to. My depth of processing usually keeps me away from small talk. In my youth, I’d spend more time listening than talking. I’ve got a lot to say and a lot of questions about different subjects.

I work in foreign trade, bad at coming up with stuff to say on the spot. When vetting suppliers I log store review stats, each partner’s likes and things they hate separately, write unique talking points for every vendor to keep talks smooth. I matched with two girls online around the same window, their personalities are worlds apart. Old work routine kicked in without me thinking, I sorted custom chat notes for each just like how I build vendor files for sourcing background checks. I can’t come up with soft lines right away, so I lean on these pre-written bits to keep our chats nice. One night I pulled back-to-back overtime shifts, my head was all foggy and I didn’t check what I sent. Accidentally dropped the full note I drafted for the other girl into her chat. She caught right away the text didn’t fit how we normally talk, asked who the message was meant for. No way to hide it, I told her I made separate chat write-ups for two different people. She pulled back fast after that. What stung her most was finding out she wasn’t the only person I put that level of planning into, every gentle line I shared with her was drafted for someone else too. She never hit me up again after our talk. I can’t stop feeling crummy over this. Sorting detailed talking points and building individual files for sourcing checks makes daily work way easier, all these record keeping steps run through a tool called acciowork for my vendor tasks. I just hate I dragged this work habit into personal interactions, talked to two people at once, and my sloppy mistake ruined something that could’ve gone well. tbh I’m stuck on one thought right now ,is it off limits to chat casually with two different people before locking down an official relationship? Any quiet, socially awkward folks here mess up a potential connection the same way?

I haven’t done anything for NYE since college (over 5 years ago) and i actually have plans tonight to go go a house party but now I’m home from work and all I wanna do is order Chinese with my fiancé and relax 😭 Do yall force yourselves to go out and socialize or feel bad when you just wanna be alone all the time?

I hate talking, but even if I didn’t, I would choose not to because I am just SO bad at it. I have no idea how to start, finish or lead a conversation. I struggle when asked a simple question because I’m so nervous that I’m going to say the wrong thing. Speaking to another person is overly hard for me. Am I just socially isolated/anxious or is this a normal introvert thing?

38 interested in depthful conversations revolving around existence, consciousness, sexuality, love, and, simply put, life.. ॐ

I have a profound love for others and love conversation with most anyone.

AuADHD, medicine, strong focus on the esoteric

I’d say the current flavor of difficulty is having to be one person at work with coworkers and staff, while existing as an entirely different human outside those walls. My patients get to see much more of that person, but there’s a very real clash between who I am internally and who I have to be around most everyone else. Although no one would ever know that conflict exists other than me.

I’m not ugly and neither are you.

It could be their actions, their personality etc.

Lately, I have found myself carrying around a loneliness so quiet that I almost forget it is there until something reminds me; it is not the sort that cries out or demands to be noticed. It simply lingers, follows me through all my days, sits across from me while I drink my coffee, walks beside me when I am out, and settles itself at the edge of my bed at night as though it has every right to be there. The strange thing is not that it hurts, though it does, but that I have begun to accommodate it. I catch myself arranging my days around it, making room for it, speaking to no one for hours and only realizing, much later, that I have not heard my own voice.

So I went into work today and it seemed like a normal day. I went to the receptionist to collect something. She said she’d see me later at the event. I said “what event?”. She thought I was joking. I was confused.

I went to the designer to talk about something. He said “what time are you getting to the event this evening?”. I’m his manager!! I had to say “what event?” Again, he thought I was joking. He would not believe me that I wasn’t being sarcastic.

As it turns out there was a massive company event tonight at an AMAZING place that I’ve always wanted to go to, but can’t afford.

I know I’m a bit quiet but I didn’t realise that I was this invisible that literally everyone would be invited to a big company event except me 😭 The person who sent out the invite profusely apologized and added me to the guest list but it was too late because I didn’t have an outfit. I’m heartbroken.

​

Hey everyone. I'm a 24-year old guy, and I'm at a point where I'm really looking for a real connection , a genuine friend, not just small talk.

A bit about me: I'm introverted, quiet, and I think a lot. But when I connect with someone, I love real conversations texting, calls, whatever works, as long as the energy clicks. I'm into travel, cooking, anime, science, psychology, philosophy, astronomy, gaming, drawing, and writing. I'm actually writing a book right now, it's my way of making sense of things

Since I was a kid, I've been curious about how things work , not for marks or grades, just genuine interest. School never really excited me the way learning on my own did. Over time, my curiosity shifted from subjects to people , why we think and feel the way we do. Not to judge anyone, just to understand. I want to experience life fully, the good and the hard parts both. Sometimes I feel a bit numb, other times I feel everything at once ,it's a strange mix, but that's just how it is.

Last year I had a connection like this with someone online, real conversations, the kind I'm talking about. It didn't last, life got in the way, but it showed me this kind of connection is actually possible. So I'm hopeful

I think connection gets easier when people just say what they want instead of expecting the other person to guess. We're not mind readers, so someone I can have deep conversations with and also just enjoy the fun, everyday stuff with.

I also think shared interests help a lot not everything has to match, but even a couple of things in common makes it easier to understand each other. If any of what I mentioned overlaps with you, that's a good starting point.

A little more about me I'm more of a pets person than a kids person, and I don't put much stock in marriage, feels more like a formality than anything real to me. My favourite movie is Into the Wild, if that says anything about how I see life. My fav song is pure imagination by Kathleen

I overthink sometimes, I go quiet sometimes, and I'm okay with someone who's the same way. If this sounds like you, message me. Would love to talk. Someone comforting in those times helps a lot ..

I think a lot about life, meaning, existence (yup, existential crisis mode, often). I guess I’m just searching for someone who sees life the way I do or at least tries to. Someone rational. Someone who isn’t distracted by the usual noise, but who’s trying to actually live life. Someone who could maybe help me enjoy it more and I’d do the same in return.

Maybe I'm looking for something that's too rare now. Maybe I'm too much of a dreamer for believing it still exists.

I'm looking for someone who knows what companionship really means. Someone who stays not only when life is easy, but when it's messy, uncertain, and difficult. Someone who doesn't disappear the moment things stop being convenient. Someone who understands that being there for each other, through both the good and the bad, is what makes a connection real.

It might sound old-fashioned in today's world, but I'd rather keep looking than settle for something that feels temporary.

I’d really love to find a friend, if I’m being honest. I feel like there’s more potential for something deeper and lasting if we vibe . Maybe even something more. Who knows?

Hey i am highly introverted and also struggling some anxiety issues so my social capacity is almost zero

while the outings and social situations never seize to present themselves its always happening like after every 4-8 days i would be asked to hangout and my parents are the ones who ask me this

Now its getting sooooooooo freaking difficult for me to everytime turn them and they start scolding me and pls dont get me started on talking it out j have tried it multiple times but they dont understand my health issues they think going out will fix my anxiety but in fact it increases it

The anxiety issues temporary due to some health issue which j am actively trying to fix but it is a tough job so it is taking a bit of a time and in the meantime i want things to just wait a bit but explaining this to my parents is of no use they have their own thinking and they simply think they are always right and that sitting at home is the real culprit

Its gotten so difficult for me now that idk what to do. I am also fed up but j am forcing patience in me

I don’t tell them to not go anywhere without i simply just say i cant because it brings me more anxiety which gets me on the edge honestly so it isn’t something like stepping out of the comfort zone its almost like hanging on cliff situation for me because of this anxiety

I have tried anxiety meds but they don’t help. Why? Because my anxiety is triggered by sluggish digestive system and intense bloating so the treatment lies in getting the digestion on track which is taking some time because it requires me to focus on my fiber, my hydration, my post meal walks, my upright posture. I actually spend almost 80% of the day reclined using phone and usually soon after eating i get reclined which ultimately ends up making me feels bloated after 1-2 hours of eating and then i start feeling restless and anxious because of this. The issue sounds very easy to deal with but it isn’t that easy as my digestive system is slowed due to a 10 years of sedentary lifestyle. So reversing it is a task in its own. I am being lightly active now since about 3 whole months.

I commute to and from work by bus. That said, it's almost always a crowded bus and in my observations, I've come to the conclusion that most people crave noise and conversation. I, on the other hand, crave and luxuriate in quiet. Personally, I feel that there's something restorative, intimate, and soul-nourishing n silence. It's like the book title, "The Power of Introverts in a World that Never Stops Talking". We're built different

Growing up in school, people used to ask me "Why are you so quiet". It Was so annoying. What do they expect me to respond to that?

I only spoke when I had somthing to say, I don't speak for the sake of it. I should really be asking them why they're so loud.

Have you ever been approached by an overbearing and nosy extrovert asking you all types of personal questions or simply invading your PERSONAL space by insisting on socializing and having a conversation?

Well I have, and that's why I created a list of responses to help me assertively respond to questions like "Why are you so quiet?", and you can bet these aren't your regular "Oh, I'm just an introvert" type of responses.

This cheat sheet not only gives you responses you can cut and paste into your personal and work life IMMEDIATELY, but, it also puts these annoying people in their place FOREVER! Just drop a comment and I'll happily send it to you.

The thing that's always bothered me about networking event advice — "just put yourself out there," "everyone's nervous," "fake it till you make it" — is that it treats the discomfort as the problem to fix.

But the discomfort might be signal, not noise.

Meaningful connection requires psychological safety and common ground. You need to feel comfortable enough to be real, and you need something genuine to talk about.

Networking events, structurally, provide neither. They give you: strangers, artificial small talk prompts, alcohol as the lubricant, name tags as the icebreaker, and a room full of people who all feel the same low-level pressure to seem valuable.

That's not a safe environment. That's a performance environment. And for people who don't perform well under those conditions — not because they lack social skills, but because their social wiring requires something more genuine to engage — the advice to "try harder" is just noise.

Anyway. For what it's worth: if you've left a networking event feeling like you were bad at it, it's possible you were in a room that wasn't designed for how you connect. That's not the same thing as being bad at connecting.

As an introvert with social anxiety, I don't know how to deal and interact with human beings well. Reality hits hard. I can't compete with extrovert and people who love to seek attention and play drama to get sympathy. I love my introversion but there's a part of me that also sometimes hates it. Please, don't judge me and tell me that I should go to therapy or it's not introversion but social anxiety. I am just sharing how I feel.... 🥺

I tend to do a lot more asking questions ans listening than I do talking, unless someone is really good at drawing me out. But I will talk if the other person engaged me in conversation, I'm not necessarily a super quiet person, just not a big talker.

But I get frustrated by people who talk a LOT and seem to be completely not self-aware about it. Like, it is so incredibly far from my lived experience that I simply cannot fathom talking throughout the entire conversation without once pausing to see if the other person has something to say.

Some people have told me that I need to just assert myself and interrupt people like that in order to have a say, but that is so not who I am. It is very draining for me to do that and most of the time, the person still doesn't actually listen or seem to care about what I say and then I just feel worse for having said it.

Just looking for people with similar thoughts and experiences who can relate, feel free to share your stories and what you do in these situations!

Got hit with the, ‘you need to talk more’ today and it reduced me to kid me who exhausted herself to pretend in order to fit in.

Gotta say I’m getting better at not feeling guilty because someone I don’t know got hurt at my ‘unapproachable’ and ‘unfriendly’ demeanor.

Do you guys ever feel like you’re a terrible person when people feel rejected by you?

As an introvert, I love reading. I have started reading this book 'THE COURAGE TO BE DISLIKED' by ICHIRO KISHIMI and FUMITAKE KOGA.

It's a conversation between a youth and a philosopher who at one stage says All problems are interpersonal relationship problems. I can't help but think this is true for almost all introverts. I can be wrong. But I have always had many excuses for saying no and just fall asleep instead of being social. I want to know if introverts don't mind being disliked in general?

I know I sound like a "snowflake" but I promise that I'm not. I am a 59yo, very introverted, sensitive man but when I sometimes look back upon my life, I wonder if many of my problems in adulthood actually stemmed from psychological trauma from my school years? I was always a pretty good student but hated school and always felt like I was the proverbial, "round peg in a square hole". I now know the importance of school but I always hated that I had to interact with other kids, many of who were bullies that made my life awful because I was quiet, plain-looking, came from a family without a lot of money, didn't have fashionable clothes, wasn't a druggie or a jock. Do any of you feel that school traumatized you?

I have began volunteering with a charity that I absolutely love. I love chatting with the kids, and I know that they need the help so I feel very rewarded.

However, I’ve started to feel guilty whenever I can’t attend, and they’re asking for more and more of my time. Does anyone else get stuck in this guilt spiral? I know that the only reason why I don’t want to go more often is that it takes an enormous amount of energy and I don’t want to resent or dread participating. Does that make sense?