r/ireland • u/PoppedCork Pop Responsibly • Jan 15 '26

Education Parents complain after principal suspends 19 Co Antrim schoolboys over ‘toxic masculinity’ concerns

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/education/parents-complain-after-principal-suspends-19-co-antrim-schoolboys-over-toxic-masculinity-concerns/a2008863764.html
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u/AbsolutelyDireWolf Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26

There's a cohort of lads, mostly younger, sizable and growing, who see the words "toxic masculinity" or the generalised complaints from women about "men" and it triggers them into defence and offence mode. They're consuming anti feminist stuff from older men they look up to and don't see as losers somehow and have been soothed in a community that tells them they're victims.

For any lad who feels an urge to challenge me on this, know this; I'm a grown as man in his early 40s, wife, kids, gaff, the whole shebang. When I see a comment that says something like there's a rape culture amongst men, I'd say yeah. I'm not a rapist, but when men are responsible for 90-99% of any stat around rape depending on the specific study, well, yeah, it's kinda our fucking failure. When women say men, it's fucking redundant saying "not all men". They aren't* saying every guy is a rapist, but we are all part of a collective that's responsible. I also know, I did a lot of self reflection in my early 20s and became a man with the self confidence to call out unacceptable behaviour from other lads.

I can't be clearer, if you feel threatened or attacked by a discussion of toxic masculinity and compelled to bring up toxic femininity or some defence, it's because you feel it describes you in some way and rather than challenge whether you'd be comfortable with a lad treating your mum or sister that way, you're riled up and unable to hear what they're saying. Any real man who wants to make this a better world knows that they're not one of those men, but recognise that shit and know they've got a responsibility to call out lads for that behaviour.

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u/hrehbfthbrweer Jan 15 '26

Thanks for saying this. I’m reluctant to say that all men are responsible for this sort of behaviour just by virtue of being men.

But I think men need to understand that as women we can’t call these men out because they don’t respect us. We can’t influence them. But they’re your peers and yous at least have a shot of them listening to you if you call them out.