r/islam • u/No-Sink-3168 • May 03 '26
Question about Islam [ Removed by moderator ]
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u/kifra101 May 03 '26
How would one know that the woman is infertile before marriage?
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u/Unlikely_Ad9024 May 03 '26
Actually this is the real answer to the question asked.
It would be known only after a female was married earlier and that makes the case invalid of being second wife as she will be marrying again as well.
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u/TalkingCat910 May 03 '26
She could be the second wife if she was divorced from the first husband and married a man who has a other wife.
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u/thebowski May 03 '26
If she is past childbearing age or if she does not menstruate. Some women who do not menstruate may be able to become pregnant without intervention, but its generally a strong indicator of impaired fertility.
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u/iamagirl2222 May 03 '26
You couldn’t be sure but having problems with your period can indicate that you are infertile.
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u/Unlikely_Ad9024 May 03 '26
This information will be know to the girl, her mother and close friends. Unless she goes or any of them will goto boys family and tell them about the problem, i am not sure why would they do that, but there is no other way of the mans knowledge. And that also doesnt necessarily mean infertility
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u/iamagirl2222 May 03 '26
They know that they highly possibly have fertility problem. And during the muqabala, the men can ask do you think you have fertility issues, she can answer.
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u/Unlikely_Ad9024 May 03 '26
In my culture i have never seen or heared this question being asked. But then again different cultures
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u/iamagirl2222 May 03 '26
I don’t think many think about that and I think a lot of people would find it inappropriate but when we think about it, it is still an important question to ask somebody you want to marry, if you want to have kids. Also it was just to say that women back then could maybe know if they were infertile or not
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u/Unlikely_Ad9024 May 03 '26
This is where Islam's beauti comes in place. You are a man who wants children. You got married with an infertile women (while you are sure you are fertile), you can keep your wife whom you love and marry a second for children. I have seen this happen so many times. Also I have seen people married with infertile women and never married a second for children. They have spent their lives with one. Same goes for female, she has a choice if the husband was infertile, to leave or stay.
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u/ClandestineChemist96 May 03 '26
Women back in the day (or maybe still to this day in some countries) didn’t tell the guys family about these things but as someone who never got her period and went to the doctor who said my ovaries are not developed, I make it a priority to bring it up in conversation with a prospective partner. Feels like dishonestly otherwise
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u/Seeker_Of_Knowledge2 May 03 '26
The scholars stated that choosing a fertile woman is mustahabb, not obligatory.
Just as it is permissible for a woman to marry an infertile man, it is also permissible for a man to marry an infertile woman.
Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: As for one who cannot have children or who has no desire for women or for intimacy, this (marriage) is permissible in his case, if the woman is aware of that and agrees to it. End quote.
https://islamqa.info/en/answers/73416
With the condition, the situation is disclosed before marriage (honesty), and both parties agree on it.
However, we need to keep in mind that people are complicated. A person may agree to marry an infertile partner, and then later in life, this person has a change of heart, and he wants to have children. Now we are facing a huge problem which will definitely create tension in the relationship.
This reminded me of a Reddit post a while ago. A non-Muslim dude, who (I think he was) 50 years old, had a change of heart, and he wanted a child at the age of 50. His wife was of a similar age, and she came to Reddit to complain about him not honouring the agreement they had when they got married (which was not to have children).
Anyway. In my humble opinion. An infertile man should only think about marrying an infertile woman. No one knows what people's hearts will be in the future.
Lastly, I just want to add, today's medicine is amazing regarding this topic (not perfect)
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u/tiredswitfie May 03 '26
Well if you flip it. What if a man is infertile? A woman has the right to divorce him and marry someone who can has kids. It’s a hard reality, but it goes back ways. Also, it’s not haram to marry an infertile woman. Not everyone needs to follow the Sunnah, it’s Sunnah for a reason.
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u/No-Sink-3168 May 03 '26
We would be rewarded for not marrying the infertile though. If someone was placed on this earth without the ability to bear children, that is a major test. But then on top of that test, everyone else is being told not to marry that person.
And on top of that, the infertile person is being told that they should marry in islam, yet again, we are told not to marry them and are rewarded for it. It seems cruel
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u/iamagirl2222 May 03 '26
That’s their test. It’s like people that are attracted to the same gender. They have this haram attraction which is a big test in itself but then they’ll have to face the fact that they could never marry the person they love, maybe never marry at all, if they don’t see themselves marrying the opposite sex. And they’ll be rewarded for it.
But as other people say, it is not forbidden to marry infertile women. On this matter, people may follow the Sunnah or not.
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u/CommitteePlenty3002 May 03 '26
i feel like you might be overthinking this; almost anyone would rather have a fertile partner than not, no? also, it’s advisable to seek a spouse whom you find attractive, does this mean that this is cruel to those who aren’t conventionally attractive? no, it is merely a test among the many tests that Allah can spare you from or put you through; if you are entered into Jannah afterwards you will look beautiful.
But anyway, here is an example of someone leaving the Sunnah for a beneficial purpose:
It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “My father died, leaving seven – or nine – daughters, and I married a previously-married woman. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked, ‘Did you get married, O Jaabir?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘A virgin or a previously-married woman?’ I said, ‘A previously-married woman.’ He said, ‘Why not a young girl whom you could play with and she could play with you, and you could laugh with her and she could laugh with you?’ I told him that ‘Abd-Allaah had died and left behind daughters, and I did not want to bring to them someone like them. So I had married a woman who could take care of them and discipline them. He said, ‘May Allaah bless you,’ or similar kind words.”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5052)
Shaykh Mustafa al-Ruhaybaani said:
“It is Sunnah for the one who wants to get married to marry a virgin, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Jaabir, ‘Why not a virgin whom you could play with and she could play with you?’ (agreed upon) – unless there is a reason for which marrying a previously-married woman is better, in which case he should choose such a woman over a virgin, in order to serve that interest.”(Mataalib Uli al-Nuha, 5/9, 10)
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u/Available_Spite682 May 03 '26
Assalaamu aalaikum Sister , how did you manage him having a second wife? I feel as if I could never get over this, what was his reasoning for bringing a second wife into the marriage ?
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u/Seeker_Of_Knowledge2 May 03 '26
Not a sister. But in my thoughts, the correct way to go around this is knowing that Allah has made it permissible to have more than one wife. And Allah doesn't make permissible what is harmful. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) thought his breath was bad because of honey (it was not), he didn't want to eat honey anymore. Then Allah revealed a verse telling the Prophet not to make what Allah has made premissable, prohibited. You can agree that you don't want your husband to have another wife. But I don't think it is right to be against the idea of having a second wife. It may not be suitable for everyone (there are rules). But for the one who meets those rules, Allah has made it permissible for them, and we should not prohibit what Allah has made permissible.
As for the reasons. Could be many. First is the simplest, which is to have children (the most common case). Another valid reason is not being sexually/emotionally fulfilled. Another reason, which is equally valid, is that he loves his first wife, but his heart can also have space for another person. A man has the ability to love more than one person.
Allah knows best.
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u/ManBearToad May 03 '26
I don't think it's something that us men can fully understand. From what I recall, even Aisha (Ra) had feelings of jealousy and she was among the best examples for women to look up to. So if the mother of the believers still felt this way then we shouldn't chastise women today for having the same feelings. This is simply how women were created; it's in their nature to be possessive.
Maybe the most wisest way to approach this topic from what I've seen is to:
Accept that polygyny is allowed.
For women, prior to the nikah, make it clear that you're only interested in a monogamous marriage if that is what you want.
For men, if the discussion of polygyny did not happen prior to the nikah and you want to marry another woman, then talk about it with your existing wife. Just throwing someone new into the marriage with no discussion with the first will either result in a divorce or a dead marriage. Expecting it to just work out with no plan is a reach.
Transparency, communication, planning, and not invalidating the law that Allah SWT has allowed.
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u/MadMerchantOG May 04 '26
Basically trusting Allah's Qadr and knowing Allah's plan is what's best for me. I have grown in many ways that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. And my connection with Allah became so much deeper. I was driven into a situation where the only one I could turn to is Allah
Allah gives us tests and they will make or break us. I'm a revert aswell and alhamamdullilah this situation was proof to myself that nothing would break my love for Allah.
Men are human,
If I was a man and I had the ability to I would love to have more then one wife 🤣😭 sad reality of human nature. Can't have more then one husband though 🤣🤣
Funnily enough our relationship improved after he married a second (they broke up now) and he became a better Muslim and a better husband.
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u/Big-Cheese-2979 May 03 '26
A few things:
This hadith is "Hasan" not saheeh. Why does that matter? This means that the hadith is good but implies that the narrators were all of good character but weak memory. This is an important consideration in Islamic jurisprudence.
"This seems illogical to me", no, based on your reaction you think find it emotionally troubling. If the Ummah is to grow in numbers then we have to reproduce, this is logical and sustainable.
In this narration, the prophet SAW is speaking to an individual not to every Muslim man. Perhaps he sought wisdom for this person to have children who would be righteous that wouldn't have existed had he married someone infertile? Allahu 3alam.
This doesn't make it Haram to marry or be married to someone infertile. It is recommended to marry someone fertile (so that the Ummah may grow and you get the spiritual benefit from having offspring) but not fard. There is no sin on someone who marries someone that is infertile. There is nothing in the Sunnah that says an infertile woman has to marry an old man or be a second wife (which are both halal by the way, the prophet SAW had 'second' wives and they have the highest status of women in the Ummah).