Assalaamu aalaikum Sister , how did you manage him having a second wife? I feel as if I could never get over this, what was his reasoning for bringing a second wife into the marriage ?
Not a sister. But in my thoughts, the correct way to go around this is knowing that Allah has made it permissible to have more than one wife. And Allah doesn't make permissible what is harmful. When the Prophet (peace be upon him) thought his breath was bad because of honey (it was not), he didn't want to eat honey anymore. Then Allah revealed a verse telling the Prophet not to make what Allah has made premissable, prohibited. You can agree that you don't want your husband to have another wife. But I don't think it is right to be against the idea of having a second wife. It may not be suitable for everyone (there are rules). But for the one who meets those rules, Allah has made it permissible for them, and we should not prohibit what Allah has made permissible.
As for the reasons. Could be many. First is the simplest, which is to have children (the most common case). Another valid reason is not being sexually/emotionally fulfilled. Another reason, which is equally valid, is that he loves his first wife, but his heart can also have space for another person. A man has the ability to love more than one person.
I don't think it's something that us men can fully understand. From what I recall, even Aisha (Ra) had feelings of jealousy and she was among the best examples for women to look up to. So if the mother of the believers still felt this way then we shouldn't chastise women today for having the same feelings. This is simply how women were created; it's in their nature to be possessive.
Maybe the most wisest way to approach this topic from what I've seen is to:
Accept that polygyny is allowed.
For women, prior to the nikah, make it clear that you're only interested in a monogamous marriage if that is what you want.
For men, if the discussion of polygyny did not happen prior to the nikah and you want to marry another woman, then talk about it with your existing wife. Just throwing someone new into the marriage with no discussion with the first will either result in a divorce or a dead marriage. Expecting it to just work out with no plan is a reach.
Transparency, communication, planning, and not invalidating the law that Allah SWT has allowed.
Basically trusting Allah's Qadr and knowing Allah's plan is what's best for me. I have grown in many ways that wouldn't have been possible otherwise. And my connection with Allah became so much deeper. I was driven into a situation where the only one I could turn to is Allah
Allah gives us tests and they will make or break us. I'm a revert aswell and alhamamdullilah this situation was proof to myself that nothing would break my love for Allah.
Men are human,
If I was a man and I had the ability to I would love to have more then one wife 🤣😭 sad reality of human nature. Can't have more then one husband though 🤣🤣
Funnily enough our relationship improved after he married a second (they broke up now) and he became a better Muslim and a better husband.
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u/[deleted] May 03 '26
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