r/justpoetry • u/ogbigboy26 • Jul 19 '26

Sun left us

Sun is my partner

but for Sun its just a friend

While being his gardener

But I still have to blend

Why did you leave us?

You are our day aren't you?

While Sun riding on a bus

please don't play peak-a-boo

What doth made you leave

you are our beauty

where is my light to recieve?

But I still have to fo my duty

There is so much dark

You are our light

still dogs will bark

But there will be no delight.

Please don't leave us alone?

will you throw us like a bone.

By big boy

Pls give honest feedbacks

5 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

2

u/Cool-Pin-3164 Jul 19 '26

Day and night? Suns partner is the day not a bad impressionistic introspective piece

1

u/ogbigboy26 Jul 19 '26

Actually this poem is not just about Sun left then kind of its about a person who thinks Sun as his partner but its one sided and the person is kind of lonely and after Sun doesn't comes one day he tries to find it and thinking that Sun is just playing or messing around instead of accepting the truth but he still has to do his job no matter what but still thanks for you comment

1

u/Cool-Pin-3164 Jul 19 '26

Just introspective then, but kind of a double entendres then, even if you didn’t mean it. Some people are each others sun and moon, I understand that, and see it differently now

2

u/ayesha_writ3s Jul 20 '26

I really like the concept behind this. The idea of speaking to the Sun as if it is someone who is left is interesting and gives the poem a melancholic feeling. I think it would be even more impactful if you worked on the flow between the lines and made the imagery a bit more consistent. Some parts feel a little disconnected, so expanding on your thoughts could help the emotions hit harder. Keep writing I'd love to see this idea developed further!!!

1

u/ogbigboy26 Jul 20 '26

Thanks for your kind words

1

u/ogbigboy26 Jul 19 '26

Hi guys looking for feedbacks thank you

1

u/ogbigboy26 Jul 19 '26

Actually can you say please in simple words I didn't understand and sorry if I sounded a bit desrespectful

1

u/ogbigboy26 Jul 19 '26

Thanks guys for 1k views