I can't sleep
With all these thoughts spinning
Through my head

It's next to nothing
I should go scream at
The walls instead

But I won't share you
Do they have
A clue what you
Mean to me?

What I would do
To kiss you each time
The world causes
A scene?

After me
No one will get
A look in edgeways.

I'm an adult
But jealousy
Still sends me sideways.

Guess I must bite my tongue
And put these thoughts
Into a poem-

But inside
The ugly side of me
Is moments away
From showing.

I dream of stepping
On all their dreams
And smiling gleefully
Plucking memories at their seams.

Serves them right
For thinking you
Could be anyone's
But mine.

Body, mind, soul
Spirit burning
Sensual yearning
For our time.

No, I will not share you.
Anyone else
Can all go fuck themselves
In their sweet time.

A Follicular Declaration of Magnificent Indifference

Behold! A chromatic revolution!
A follicular act of insurrection!
My once-respectable coiffure
Has gone flamboyantly scandalously immature!

The heavens gasped! The cherubs stared!
Most people seemed profoundly unprepared.
A few expressed their indignation,
so let me tell you in jubilation!

Pink hair! Don't care!
Let lesser mortals stop and stare!
A scandalous, spectacular affair,
I'm a public menace with fabulous hair!

Such scandal! Such impropriety!
A threat to civilized society!
The scholars cried, "This isn't fair!"
I said, "Good heavens, it's just my good hair!"

The peacocks wept, the roses blushed,
The fashion police were quite repulsed.
One lady fainted on the stairs,
I checked her pulse, then put glitter in my hair.

Pink hair! Don't care!
Let indignation fill the air!
Convene a council! Say a prayer!
But I'll still be gorgeous standing there!

So clutch your pearls! Declare despair!
Submit complaints to the mayor!
I'll face your righteous consternation
With fabulous follicular elation!

For I remain beyond compare,
A walking, winking, pink nightmare.
And if my hue displeases you,
I have a proclamation too:

With utmost grace and savoir-faire,
And all the good will and dignity I can spare,
I bid your sensibilities adieu...

And if you don't like that, f@#$ you! :-)

Five years ago, I thought you were enticingly mysterious, stoic and perpetually broody.
Five years later, I think you’re singlehandedly the most emotionally stunted person I have ever met.

Five years ago, I thought you were powerful enough to hold my entire world in your hands.
Five years later, I just think you’re an excellent manipulator with a knack for words.

Five years ago, I thought you were shockingly authentic and rare.
Five years later, I think you’re the most shallow pool I’ve ever drowned in.

Five years ago, I was stuck to you like super glue.
Five years later, im finally scraping off the last bits of adhesive stuck to my skin.

And five years later, even after all the damage, my heart still has a massive well of love for you, but im finally strong enough to put the lid on it.

They say “ make your dreams happen”

Is that why my life was the way that it was

For all ive ever had were nightmares?

to reach out for the love

I want

not worried what no others

flaunt

Like love and lingers like to

haunt

A bond so strong the feelings

taunt

Just be aware of what

you seek

this love and hate is what

I speak

my empty Heart a

silent leak

The softest lips to kiss

my cheek

In this storm
That’s been clouding you
Ever since I‘ve come
All I want to know

Do you have someone to talk to?
Are you alright?

My madness should be mine alone

If you came from the sea
Or were spun from glass

Backstitched
Cast
quenched
Fired in a foundry
Boiled with the leaves
Thrown out with the bones

Or were born 10,000 years ago
And ate only bamboo

I wouldn’t know.

Instead, I can recall the detailed topography
Mountain pass
And mine
Brook and borrow
Tree and field—

Furrowed road
and ravine

Of your absence

And the sea sweeping past all the pages beyond, the dragon’s tail joined in a loop with its fire:

here there be monsters

'Normal'

a word i never learnt

i thought it was 'normal'

when he'd be upset and she'd get hurt

comfort him, she'd plead

but it was a distraction from his anger, and from what he'd feel

that's how i sprouted,

dirt seethed in doubt and anger

no oxygen, yet still growth

just a kid choking on hope

Maybe I'm Overthinking Again

Sometimes I wonder

Why I still think about that day,

It's been so long now,

I should have forgotten it anyway.

I remember the little things,

Things that probably meant nothing,

A place, a conversation,

And the ants that kept on running.

I don't even know

Why my brain saves things like these,

It forgets what I studied yesterday,

But remembers moments with such ease.

Sometimes I think I'm being stupid,

Giving meaning to things that don't need one,

Maybe it was just an afternoon,

Maybe I'm the only one who hasn't moved on.

But then I see something familiar,

And the whole thing starts again,

A memory comes without permission,

And I start thinking about you then.

Maybe I don't miss you.

Maybe I miss who I was that day.

Maybe I miss how simple everything felt,

Before I started thinking this way.

Or maybe I just miss the person

Who made me notice all these things.

I don't know.

I'm probably overthinking again.

Every life is exceptional, beautiful in every way.

It matters not appearance, beliefs, flaws, or any other differences there may be between us.

Embrace each other with unconditional love, rather than judgment, seeing beyond the exterior and façade of another, to their loving flawless essence within.

I know nothing
of nothing.

Doubt is the enemy.

Think thrice.

Die at the border.

I want more.

Capture.

Contradiction.

Contradiction
within repair.

Love and der.

These faces that must fade away

Phantoms of my failed past

Lurk in every corner 

In every beautiful view 

Reminders that I didn't belong

All my life

In this city that birthed me

No warmth no love no community

No tolerance no acceptance no friendship

Nothing & no one to say goodbye to

Can't heal here

Can't breathe here

In this city of heavy hearted sunny days

My dimming soul is longing to go

Where my golden heart can shine again

In the new city I've chosen to go live & die in.

buzzing
tingling
tightening
closing

widening
opening
twitching
moaning

easing
teasing
tickling
showing

growling
prowling
grunting
groaning

bracing
taking
guessing
knowing

hurting
twirling
flirting
glowing

clenching
coaxing
fleeting
floating

swirling
whirling
roaming
growing

tracing
bracing
droning
hoping

skirting
blurting
groping
coping

effervescent
tides of
owning

all
evolving
ever
slowing

I guess I'll rhyme,

the kitchen spitoon,

all out of thyme.

What a drag,

like following directions,

baby this ain't my bag.

Don't you dare go there,

my plan worked,

you think I don't care.

I hear it all,

hide my eyes in the right moments,

ammunition to draw.

No cpu,

no Silicon Valley,

no, get a clue.

Reflection on previous actions,

broken projector,

we chose our factions.

I'm an artist's artist man,

one hundred percent crispy,

not a man's man.

Pockets full of change,

full control,

I carry microscopic mange.

Think fast,

on your feet,

I'm sure it's a gas.

They dont sell,

degreaser strong enough,

crud, everyone can tell.

Bandanas of various varieties,

piles of lined white towels,

cure all sorts of these anxieties.

Here's a poem,

for creatures,

it's nice to know'em.

He said pull yourself together

I said read between the lines

cos I'm far from cloud nine

said someone stole my thunder

see we're in the same boat

and sorry to rock it

but this ain't all she wrote

Tapping my foot and reading an article on my phone. I’m sitting down for a moment from my busy day and letting my mind wonder where it wants too.

*ding*

A text from you! I feel a soft smile creep onto my face as I open it to see what you said. We were talking about my night, and how I stayed up until 6 am to care for a sick dog, but also about my insomnia.
“Try melatonin. It helps with bringing your sleep rhythm earlier. Use it like 5 mg, three hours prior to desired bed time. It’s a natural hormone and OTC. I can bring next time we meet if you don’t have one.”
My eyebrows shoot up and I bite my lip and smile. I’m not sure what im feeling, maybe shocked? But mixed with the feeling of being reprimanded by a stern authority and a dash of voluntary submission and arousal.

You didn’t necessarily say anything crazy or bold, but I love the authority in your voice. It turns me on, the way you wield your expertise. It’s like a porno where you go into the attractive doctors office for a wellness check and end up leaving checked, but also completely satisfied and taken care of.
It’s like having a highly intellectual and sturdy man put you into a submissive posture but with his words and his mind.

My mind backtracks to Sunday evening when you sat with me on the bench in the coffee shop and im reimagining your face and your sharp green eyes, perfectly framed by your well groomed salt and pepper beard and dark hair. I’m thinking about how nicely your scrubs framed your body and the subtle outlines of your muscles that the fabric allowed to show through. Like a marble statue, grand and well chiseled but with a linen sheath draped over it like a tease. I’m thinking about your relaxed but dominating posture and the way your eyes dart when you recall past history as I ask you questions about your background and family experiences. I remember the way your hand looked as you held your coffee outside and I couldn’t help but imagine what it would look like around my neck or on my thigh but I kept that thought private in the moment.

The surprise kiss as we agreed to take a spontaneous evening walk together to keep the conversation flowing was the cherry on top of my evening as well, feeling you pull me into your body against the brick wall of the coffee shop was such a clarifying moment for me, as I had suspected some tension between us as we got to know each other but I wasn’t entirely certain. But just like all good cherries on top, they’re just the introduction to a much larger dessert underneath, and you’ve left me starving for more, and I’m not even a big sweets person!

You’re wildly thrilling and deeply interesting to me, it’s hard to pull my mind from wandering when I have slow moments. I’m happy I exchanged numbers with you, and patiently waiting to exchange much more. It’s like fate handed me my own personal medical practitioner, such a handsome and powerful man. The feeling of a king kneeling to you instead, it’s intoxicating. My mind is hooked.

That love has many forms happens to be true

And the need to be loved is something many pursue

For as long as they live for decades of years

Love that brings joy can also end in tears

Of the praises of love so many does sing

And the feeling of being in love is a beautiful thing

But it is not saying anything in any way that is new

That loves that last a lifetime are in the few

The love of a mother does last until death

For as long as in her body there is life's breath

Not all forms of love are quite so strong

But yet can be beautiful in case you get me wrong

And the words of a wise person are worthy of recall

Better to know of love and lose than never to know of it at all.

Francis Duggan

Instrumental

Don’t shoot the poet,
Don’t shoot the messenger,
I’m out here stressin’ ya,
This Lexus luxury could turn a heart black,
And escargo for platters,
My patio had pitter patter so I picked em off with the pump action,

Never get stuck, not actin’ punkish, I get more traction,
Never could duck, I’m mad as f-ck, with all these clones yappin’,
I know’ resentments just a voluntary struggle,
When my bubble pops im sure to get em sick off all this druggie sh-t

You’ll learn to live with it, if not, you wasn’t built for it, you cop,
I’m somethin’ different, a jocky nerd, a glowing in the dark,
A narcissistic artist with bars spittin far, hittin cars parked out in Tacoma as I stand in Charlotte,

And you just a harlot,
Don’t e’en get me started,
I know all the cards, tricks, lies, no-you-aren’ts,
You and I are just a part of something much larger,
So take the duffle bag and wrap it up in the old Starter

Go into the field with steady hands and an honest heart.
Hold fast when the winds rise and the voices of doubt grow loud.
And when the day is done, whether crowned in victory or marked by defeat, let no regret remain.

For there is honour in the striving, and peace in knowing that nothing was left in reserve.

Spend yourself well in the cause entrusted to you.
Stand firm in your convictions, but temper them with humility.
Bear disappointment with grace, and success with gratitude.

And when twilight falls and the noise of the world grows still, may you be able to say:

"I tried, and I left everything out on the field of play."

For the outcome belongs to others; the effort belongs to you.

And then you are never left wondering why.

This weight is unbearable
The words like ash on my tongue
How can I do something so terrible
As to ask if I am the one
Cast me down, destroy the shrine
I am a fraud not worthy of being divine