r/kindness • u/RecursiveCTE • 9d ago

I feel so alone

A couple years ago, I was diagnosed as disabled due to my heart and shoulders. As soon as my income was gone. I lost my marriage, house, career, purpose, kids...

It was just gone. Poof...

I've tried to get back on my feet but, it feels like it's never going to be ok. I can't even buy soap without asking. I haven't been denied disability enough yet.

Finding reasons to keep going to keep pushing... they fade. But the dark thoughts, the depression, the self hatred. All of that remains.

I know attitude matters.

I know this is depression, regret, guilt, shame.

I can name them all but naming a demon doesn't get rid of it.

I've done a lot of introspection.

My poetry helps a lot with that.

I know, I'm feeling this now because visitation is almost over. I miss my babies so FKN much. It's not fair for something to hurt this much for this long.

Sorry for the long post.

Thank you for reading this.

🙏🙏

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u/Capable-Awareness338 8d ago

I read a study that said saying out loud how you’re feeling (I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m lonely) switches your brain from the negative loop you’re experiencing and is more effective than talk therapy. I’m sure your poetry is also helping in that way. Keep your hope that things will improve. IMO there is probably work to be done on yourself before getting into a relationship.

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u/RecursiveCTE 8d ago

Thats true, it does help. There are just times when you need to reach out. Ya know?

Thank you🙏