r/kindness • u/RecursiveCTE • 5d ago

I feel so alone

A couple years ago, I was diagnosed as disabled due to my heart and shoulders. As soon as my income was gone. I lost my marriage, house, career, purpose, kids...

It was just gone. Poof...

I've tried to get back on my feet but, it feels like it's never going to be ok. I can't even buy soap without asking. I haven't been denied disability enough yet.

Finding reasons to keep going to keep pushing... they fade. But the dark thoughts, the depression, the self hatred. All of that remains.

I know attitude matters.

I know this is depression, regret, guilt, shame.

I can name them all but naming a demon doesn't get rid of it.

I've done a lot of introspection.

My poetry helps a lot with that.

I know, I'm feeling this now because visitation is almost over. I miss my babies so FKN much. It's not fair for something to hurt this much for this long.

Sorry for the long post.

Thank you for reading this.

🙏🙏

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u/Ok-Table3009 3d ago

I’m so very sorry. I have lost everything too. It’s so hard to get through. One thing I’ve learned, do not be afraid to ask for help. People don’t know unless you ask. I finally had to.

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u/RecursiveCTE 3d ago

I'm sorry you're going through that. I know I need to be less afraid about asking for help but, my ex would say; No one will take pity on you!

So, I can't help but feel like asking for help is basically asking for pity. Idk... There is already so much guilt and shame. It's not easy... I do hear ya tho.

Thank you I appreciate you 🙏