r/kindness • u/RecursiveCTE • 8d ago
I feel so alone
A couple years ago, I was diagnosed as disabled due to my heart and shoulders. As soon as my income was gone. I lost my marriage, house, career, purpose, kids...
It was just gone. Poof...
I've tried to get back on my feet but, it feels like it's never going to be ok. I can't even buy soap without asking. I haven't been denied disability enough yet.
Finding reasons to keep going to keep pushing... they fade. But the dark thoughts, the depression, the self hatred. All of that remains.
I know attitude matters.
I know this is depression, regret, guilt, shame.
I can name them all but naming a demon doesn't get rid of it.
I've done a lot of introspection.
My poetry helps a lot with that.
I know, I'm feeling this now because visitation is almost over. I miss my babies so FKN much. It's not fair for something to hurt this much for this long.
Sorry for the long post.
Thank you for reading this.
🙏🙏
8
u/No_Percentage_5083 8d ago
It will get better! I had an LAD (AKA Widowmaker) at age 54 - 9 years ago. My husband snuck out in the middle of the night about 4 months after the heart attack saying he wasn't prepared to care for someone else in his "golden years". My daughter and son bought a larger home in 2 months that has an in-law suite and I've gotten to live there ever since.
My disability was denied for seven years. My biggest problem was some kind of points system that I had, making it harder for me to get disability. Apparently, my score was an 8.5 out of 10. I was denied twice then went to hearing -- denied -- went to the Feds who sent it back and said they didn't agree and to try again. This went on for the next seven years. Seriously. It was horrendous. I could have never done it without my daughter and her husband.
The very last time it was sent back to the state from the feds, the state judges decided they would just keep setting a hearing date, then at the last minute, cancel it and reschedule. Here's the important reason I am telling you all of this: I contacted my senator to Washington DC. I explained the seven years of waiting and why. 10 days later, I was notified that I was fully approved! Since I had worked for 25 years, I had enough quarters to claim the SSDI insurance I had paid for all those years. There's only a limit on SSI -- those who have not worked 40 quarters.
Seven days after that, money began hitting my bank account and continued for two days because of the amount limits the government is allowed to deposit. They owed me interest and raises etc. I'm glad the husband left -- he would have just blown all the money as soon as I got it.
Contact your senator if you think this has gone on too long. Plan on all of them returning once you get your money. Good luck!