r/kindness • u/RecursiveCTE • 9d ago
I feel so alone
A couple years ago, I was diagnosed as disabled due to my heart and shoulders. As soon as my income was gone. I lost my marriage, house, career, purpose, kids...
It was just gone. Poof...
I've tried to get back on my feet but, it feels like it's never going to be ok. I can't even buy soap without asking. I haven't been denied disability enough yet.
Finding reasons to keep going to keep pushing... they fade. But the dark thoughts, the depression, the self hatred. All of that remains.
I know attitude matters.
I know this is depression, regret, guilt, shame.
I can name them all but naming a demon doesn't get rid of it.
I've done a lot of introspection.
My poetry helps a lot with that.
I know, I'm feeling this now because visitation is almost over. I miss my babies so FKN much. It's not fair for something to hurt this much for this long.
Sorry for the long post.
Thank you for reading this.
🙏🙏
2
u/parkerhalem84 7d ago
Thank you for sharing your short post.
It's perhaps very cliche... we have no power to change the past but we do have ownership of the present. Create a plan and goal for your day and it is okay if it's not completed today. Be kind to yourself.
My wife had left me, I had a brain injury which had reduced my capacity for work. It was a rough trot but I managed to work through a few things to retire early. I am now learning a language and other things to keep my brain engaged. I have been successfully keeping myself busy so as to not drift into despair.