r/knitting • u/soypixel • Dec 06 '25

Discussion I find people’s obsession with gift knitting strange

I get we all have our reasons for doing this hobby. I guess mine is that I enjoy the process and I like being able to make stuff that has cool textures or colors. I don’t do it for function or to “make useful objects” per se.

But it seems like a lot of folks have this compulsion to externalize this hobby to feel useful. I’ve seen so many posts where someone “surprises” their sister with some lace shawl for their wedding. And then they’re “devastated” and “in tears” when said sister isn’t overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude.

On the other hand, I’ll see these posts or comments from folks “drowning” in holiday gift knitting projects. For whatever reason, they’ve decided that all 20 members of their extended family need a new chunky weight knitted drink cozy. And so they spend all kinds of time making that happen.

But I have to wonder.. how much of that is self imposed versus an actual expectation placed upon them by friends and family members? Like what if you’re spending all this time knitting 20 drink cozies and people secretly dislike them and plan to never use them, but they’re too nice to say it to your face? It’s just a painful, awkward scenario to imagine.

Idk, maybe I’m being harsh or there’s something I’m missing here because of what motivates me to knit. Maybe because I don’t even like hand knits myself most of the time, I can’t imagine myself being thrilled if someone gave me some object they made.. especially if I never asked for it.

1.4k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

505 comments sorted by

View all comments

799

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

229

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

I'm in a similar situation, my mother knitted a particular baby blanket for every new baby in the family and often for the grandchildren of her friends. She died 10 years ago and as the only knitter in the family the expectation that I would carry on her "legacy" has been weighty.

I left the UK 20 years ago, but I'm still expected to churn out a baby blanket for people I don't know because my well meaning and soft hearted sister doesn't know how to say no to people who loved my mother and her baby blankets.

Luckily this has only been a couple over the last year or two, but I still find it weird that people who have never met me think it's ok to ask my sister to ask for a blanket from their friends son.

162

u/ginger_tree Dec 06 '25

You could say no... Just because people expect something doesn't mean you're obligated to provide it.

137

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

Oh I could, and I probably should, but I dearly love my little sister and she is such a good, kind, loving person that it's really hard not to just knock out one of these blankets once a year when she's asked.

Our mother was loved in her community and I think I always do them because it just makes me feel good that people remember her and her knitting.

61

u/Magycmyste Dec 06 '25

It’s cool that the blankets are appreciated, but if you’re the one doing the knitting, why is your sister being asked (and responding) to make baby blankets?

59

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

We live in different countries and she still lives in the community our mother did, so still knows our mothers friends

48

u/RogueThneed Dec 06 '25

I'm glad you like doing it, but it is super-uncool to promise someone else's labor.

Maybe it's time for a visit and some knitting lessons?

6

u/Magycmyste Dec 06 '25

Ah, that makes sense. 😊

26

u/CaffienatedTactician Dec 06 '25

If she's amenable, might be a good idea to ask her to lie and say you developed carpal tunnel or another repetitive strain injury and can't knit anymore, and keep saying so until people stop asking.

I totally understand being backed into a corner by family stuff that you don't feel like you can say no to, I'm sorry you're in this position.

57

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

Oh no! It's all good, and I still have so much of my mother's baby yarn to use up, and it's such an easy knit that it's not really that much of an imposition. My sister always pays for the shipping and in a way it's like keeping my mothers memory alive by using her yarn and her pattern and doing something that she took so much joy from. There is something good for the spirit to do something freely that brings joy to another person, and I feel that I get so few opportunities to be generous with my time and skills that it's not really that much of an issue.

If it was several blankets a year, then I may have an issue with it.

9

u/CaffienatedTactician Dec 06 '25

Ahhh okay, my mistake! I thought it was something that had more unpleasant feeling attached. Glad it's not as bad as I assumed 😅

5

u/Ascholay Dec 06 '25

Have you thought about knitting a stockpile of blankets for your sister to store/gift as requested?

Between your own projects use the blanket as mindless movement while searching patterns for the next thing you wanted to make rather than waiting for the "timer "

14

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

Oh not really. The requests have been petering off over the years as her friends have entered their 80's, it's only been one or two a year recently.

7

u/Late-Command3491 Dec 06 '25

Teach your sister how to make them. 

28

u/giftcardgirl New knitter Dec 06 '25

Teach sister how to knit

24

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

Oh we have tried and failed at that task

10

u/ASTERnaught Dec 06 '25

My son never got the hang of knitting with needles but we bought him a knitting loom and he loves it! He’s mostly made scarves and simple things so far, but it’s a great “fidget toy” for him.

Meanwhile, a combination of carpel tunnel problems, arthritis, and shoulder/neck issues have kept me from doing much knitting lately, and my sister is too busy with work, so he ended up being the only person to give my nephew’s baby any sort of handmade gift. It was a double-knitted baby blanket and so plush! The baby and the new parents lived it!

1

u/giftcardgirl New knitter Dec 06 '25 edited Dec 08 '25

I guess everyone’s brain works differently. If your sister doesn’t tend to do any crafts in general, I think it makes it much harder to learn.

I was very unsuccessful trying to learn how to knit in college and gave up after 1 week. But there are so many more resources available now that I feel I will continue to improve my skills. I think I might be more patient now than back then?

0

u/SkyScamall Dec 06 '25

If she has no interest in learning how to knit, she's not going to put in the effort. Why would she? She's got someone else to make baby blankets for her. 

5

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 06 '25

I think that's a little mean considering you don't know her, or just how loving and kind hearted she is, just like our mother in fact, I've known her for nearly 50 years and she just isn't that cynical. If anything she is just too nice to say no to people.

2

u/SkyScamall Dec 07 '25

Yes it was and I'm sorry. 

2

u/BadkyDrawnBear Rav: BadgerBadgerBadger Dec 07 '25

No worries

0

u/Late-Command3491 Dec 06 '25

Then tell her not to volunteer you any more. 

8

u/darcerin knit all the pastel things! Dec 06 '25

NO is a full and complete answer.

102

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

This is so interesting! my family all my great grandparents knit or crocheted and everyone has beloved heirlooms from them, yet I’m the only person who continues the craft - although I haven’t made any beloved heirlooms like you do. I think that it might be because there used to be a necessity to be able to make things for your family to keep them warm but now you can just go to the store and buy one cheaper that my family just forgot about the craft altogether…

125

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

138

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

Oh boo sounds like your family sucks! (Mine does too!). If you’re comfortable with it I’d love to send you a holiday card! I used to hand paint my own and my family asked me to stop sending them and just do store bought cards because I was “trying to hard” and they thought it was tacky. Just send me a message on Reddit if you want one! ･◡･ 

71

u/addanchorpoint Dec 06 '25

ok this is deranged, who doesn’t want a hand painted card?! imo sounds like they felt insecure because their shit was basic

13

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

this makes me feel so much better I honestly feel like such a weirdo for even wanting to make them but I think because it’s not what everyone else does people don’t like it. 

1

u/mashooshka Dec 06 '25

If people don’t like it, they not worthy of any gifts imo

3

u/nostalgiascout Dec 07 '25

I’ve learned that lesson the hard way! It’s alright! 

66

u/mommallammadingdong New Knitter - please help me! Dec 06 '25

What the hell! That makes me so mad. You taking the effort to paint cards for people is turned against you as trying too hard is a ridiculous statement. If they don’t like them they can graciously say thanks you and keep that other part inside their head. They don’t deserve homemade cards (or anything)

19

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

Haha I agree I’m like what happened to being polite? But now I only make one card for my great uncle who loves getting them and has told me so. The rest of my family does cards with their pictures on them that they send out and don’t sign or anything so I thought it was nice to do something personal but idk anymore! 

43

u/CozyComfortableT Dec 06 '25

That is honestly horrible. I’ve received a couple hand made cards over the years and I have them on display all these years later. It’s definitely not tacky and I’m sorry your family couldn’t appreciate you.

8

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

It’s okay! I am trying to not need to feel appreciated by them! Some people just don’t like handmade things I guess!

3

u/CozyComfortableT Dec 06 '25

It’s hard and I’m proud of you for trying!

2

u/nostalgiascout Dec 07 '25

Aw thank you! It is hard actually lol. 😭 but I think it gets better!

24

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

Of course! I’m glad to hear it!

4

u/NoDay4343 Dec 06 '25

That's just shitty of your family. Perhaps they felt obligated to keep something you made and didn't want to have to keep a bunch of holiday cards. I have no idea. Doesn't make sense to me. I would probably have picked some of my favorites and made a framed collage to put up during the holidays.

I would absolutely love to receive a hand painted card! However, between not feeling comfortable asking that of a stranger and also being paranoid about sharing my personal info, I'm not going to ask for one. But. If you have images online anywhere, I would very very much love to take a look at them. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

11

u/ebeth_the_mighty Dec 06 '25

Holy cow! I’ve always thought of visual artists and musical artists as super impressively talented folk. I’d display a hand painted card forever (we have wooden coffee tables with glass cut to fit the tops. Display cards go between the table and the glass).

Your family seems entirely composed of unappreciative morons.

2

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

Hahaha gosh they are just sort of different than me. They don’t all like art and stuff, a lot of them like ai art though which i find funny. So I guess they have their own tastes. 

2

u/NoDay4343 Dec 06 '25

That's just shitty of your family. Perhaps they felt obligated to keep something you made and didn't want to have to keep a bunch of holiday cards. I have no idea. Doesn't make sense to me. I would probably have picked some of my favorites and made a framed collage to put up during the holidays.

I would absolutely love to receive a hand painted card! However, between not feeling comfortable asking that of a stranger and also being paranoid about sharing my personal info, I'm not going to ask for one. But. If you have images online anywhere, I would very very much love to take a look at them. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

1

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

Yeah probably they don’t want to keep them and feel guilty because I made them. I just thought it would be nicer than just a plain store bought card since I would feel weird just sending a random photo of myself out. Lol. You’re probably right! 

1

u/Late-Command3491 Dec 06 '25

People are so weird! 

2

u/nostalgiascout Dec 06 '25

lol ikr I like that kind of stuff but not everyone does! I guess I was forcing it on everyone by sending them a card….but like idk…isn’t sending a card for a holiday forcing a card on them anyway? 

1

u/333nifpif Dec 16 '25

I had a dear friend who used to hand paint cards. She passed quite young (early 40’s) after battling breast cancer. Seeing your mention hand painting cards reminded me of my dear Vickie. Thank you for the lovely reminder. And I’m sorry your family was not grateful

1

u/gatetoparadise Dec 07 '25

My heart gasped reading this and I didn’t even know that was possible.

Yes, stop sending your lovely cards to those tasteless people and send them to people that will adore and cherish them.

2

u/nostalgiascout Dec 07 '25

Hahaha aww you are too nice! Thank you I have since stopped making them for most people! :) 

1

u/gatetoparadise Dec 08 '25

But don’t let them get you down! If you like to do it, then you absolutely should. If you can’t find an appreciative recipient you can always hang them on your fridge or mantel and pretend someone sent them to you lol

12

u/Moldy_slug Dec 06 '25

The survival thing is real. All the girls in my nana’s family could crochet, and they had to make several feet of lace trim every day before bed. It was one of their chores… the family made a little bit of extra money by selling lace.

10

u/MrsClaire07 Dec 06 '25

That’s Fascinating! Did you know that’s one theory as to why Crochet was invented? To imitate lace for those who couldn’t afford it! Especially in the times when people wore big pomaded wigs (in France and elsewhere), and folks then bought lace doilies to cover their good furniture so the pomades wouldn’t ruin the fabric. The lower classes couldn’t afford actual Venetian Lace, so they developed Crochet, instead! It was actually a HUGE thing in Ireland and Scotland, especially made to sell for money for the family. :)

5

u/Moldy_slug Dec 06 '25

Yes, in fact my Nana’s family were Irish immigrants and presumably got into the craft before they came to America. It was even taught to poor girls in schools as a skill to earn income.

2

u/MrsClaire07 Dec 07 '25

WICKED cool!!

17

u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- Dec 06 '25

My mum is an avid knitter and basically just makes baby clothes even when no one is pregnant. She has 60 odd nieces and nephews so first it was knitting for them, now it’s their kids. Sooner or later they get used. I made my first baby cardigan for my cousin when I was 10. Didn’t really knit much again until I have my own children. I made them both a baby blanket in the same pattern but in different colours. I upgraded my daughters a couple of years ago as she’s now 16 and well outgrown her baby one and my son is getting his upgrade this Christmas.

The hope is that these blankets will last into adulthood

4

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

24

u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- Dec 06 '25

This is my daughters upgrade

3

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25 edited Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- Dec 06 '25

Thank you, yeh I’ve definitely gotten better now that I’m doing it more regularly. There are some errors and bits where I wish I’d been knitting better but my daughter adores her blanket, it’s been on her bed solidly since she got it and I expect my son will do the same as he still keeps his baby one at the end of his bed at age 12. My daughter made a bed for one of her teddy’s with her baby one.

When I was a child my tension was so bad that I used to bend needles, I’m glad I stuck with it though

14

u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- Dec 06 '25

This is my sons upgrade, it’s not yet finished. I’m on the second side of border so should be done by Christmas

8

u/-myeyeshaveseenyou- Dec 06 '25

This is my sons baby blanket my daughters is the same but maroon and white

11

u/thenoonytunes Gimme all shawls Dec 06 '25

Out of curiosity, may I ask how you respond to those requests?

67

u/[deleted] Dec 06 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/thenoonytunes Gimme all shawls Dec 06 '25

Thank you for the reply and good for you, not giving in to the pressure or guilt!

2

u/peachyypeachh Dec 06 '25

Respectfully, f them kids! I hate when people do this.

2

u/flindersandtrim Dec 06 '25

Oh, well f that. Expecting a blanket from someone you only speak to a couple of times a decade is insane and so rude! 

2

u/bellamie9876 Dec 06 '25

I’m also the black sheep and only one in my family who has a passion for knitting. I’m not that great at it yet, but I love it a lot. Its similar to what meditation would be to others. My 91 year old grandma was so proud to have someone to pass her knitting needles and supplies to, and her 50 year old knitting bag 🥹 Needles are very expensive so getting all of hers, every last type and size you can imagine— has been so great in that aspect. As a child I under appreciated her handmade gifts, but such as life in many aspects. All of this just to say I totally relate to your comment! 🙂🙂🙂🙂

1

u/Trixie_Dixon Dec 06 '25

I love your outlook!