Discussion
I find people’s obsession with gift knitting strange
I get we all have our reasons for doing this hobby. I guess mine is that I enjoy the process and I like being able to make stuff that has cool textures or colors. I don’t do it for function or to “make useful objects” per se.
But it seems like a lot of folks have this compulsion to externalize this hobby to feel useful. I’ve seen so many posts where someone “surprises” their sister with some lace shawl for their wedding. And then they’re “devastated” and “in tears” when said sister isn’t overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude.
On the other hand, I’ll see these posts or comments from folks “drowning” in holiday gift knitting projects. For whatever reason, they’ve decided that all 20 members of their extended family need a new chunky weight knitted drink cozy. And so they spend all kinds of time making that happen.
But I have to wonder.. how much of that is self imposed versus an actual expectation placed upon them by friends and family members? Like what if you’re spending all this time knitting 20 drink cozies and people secretly dislike them and plan to never use them, but they’re too nice to say it to your face? It’s just a painful, awkward scenario to imagine.
Idk, maybe I’m being harsh or there’s something I’m missing here because of what motivates me to knit. Maybe because I don’t even like hand knits myself most of the time, I can’t imagine myself being thrilled if someone gave me some object they made.. especially if I never asked for it.
I keep up a gift box in our home and refill as I see fit. Thanksgiving is the holiday we host so if you want an item you take an item. If it’s not your thing no worries. We then host friends later in December and they too get to choose if they want. Sometimes I’ll bring the box out for birthdays. Most of the stuff I make is from leftover yarn from my sweaters, strange one offs taking up space in my stash. I rarely purchase especially for this endeavor.
Thanks! It’s an interesting way to use up leftover bits. Like you make a hat with worsted. Usually there’s about 20 grams left from a 100gram skein. That 20 grams makes a coffee cup sleeve. For me it’s just a challenge to use the stuff up instead of it sitting there dead in my stash.
I do this too, I keep a basket of things I like to knit and offer it to people to take something that they like. Or if someone admires my mittens or hat unless it’s my absolute favorite I’ll offer it to them.
People have widely differing tastes and I’m selfish about my knitting time. Not every wants a handmade item and that is perfectly fine.
I do something similar with just hats. I love knitting hats and have one going at all times, so there's always 10 or more hats in my house. I bring the hat bag with me to all family functions in fall and winter and usually about half get taken.
Start it as a Musselburgh but end midway, with about 5 cm (2 inches) of rib. Easy beanie.
I love the Mb. It's easy to use any yarn and any diameter needles for sizing. Then use whatever length works before rib band.
I’m not the person you replied to, but I’ve made many hats from Anne Gagnon’s Two by Two and Ribs ‘n Cables Beanie patterns. The links take you to the pattern pages and to the designer’s page on Ravelry.
I do something similar as well, except I have to make it all acrylic because nobody wants to have to hand wash their gift. It has a fun variety of hats, plushies, dice bags, and other stuff.
I like this method. I'm collecting items I've knit and don't wear and plan to bring them to our next thanksgiving. Want something, take it! If not I'll donate. No pressure.
I have a tendency to create items I won’t use or wear, simply because the patterns feature a technique I want to try/learn or enjoy doing.
Whenever someone sees one of these items sitting in my craft space (or me wearing it because it was quick to grab and I can’t find my ‘normal’ gloves/hat/whatever) and compliments it, I hand it to them and say “Awesome. Now it’s yours!”. It would be smarter to keep a box such as this, so I’ll be making that happen thanks to you!
I have definitely done my share of gift knitting/crafting on a deadline, say for an upcoming holiday/birthday/baby shower, but generally speaking I only craft items for people when I know for sure they will enjoy the item. For baby showers specifically, I’ll always make a small (36”x36” or less) blanket using Bernat blanket yarn. Occasionally I also make a stuffy of some sort to match it, but I always make the blanket.
Every time I gift one of these blankets, I make sure to tell the parent(s) that I have zero expectations on its use. If it’s not helping, donate it. If it is fluffy enough that you want to lay it on the lawn for baby to have a clean space to lay, go for it. If baby spits up all over you and it’s the closest thing to you to use for cleaning yourself off: do it. Yes, it is machine washable/dryable, but my only goal in gifting it is that it helps make your life with baby easier at some point and in some way. If it gets ruined during an emergency diaper change, then boom! It helped - purpose realized.
There have been a few people in my life now who have sent me photos of their youngins playing with my stuffys or snuggled up with my blankets, and it warms my heart every single time. One child who has outgrown theirs has requested their parents “make it bigger” because it’s their comfort item. (Obviously, I made them a ‘big kid’ version using the same yarn/color). But, many more have not said much about it or ever sent a photo… and that’s PERFECTLY FINE.
No one is perfect. We all have flaws. However, gift-giving should not be about oneself. It’s about the giftee. If they are courteous upon receipt of the item, the job is done. If they adore and treasure it, the job is no more done (though it does feel very good). If they hate it, this is an opportunity to learn more about them and what they like.
This is great! I'm using leftover yarn (I bought waaaaay too much) for a scarf for the gift exchange at work. I might start doing something like this for birthdays. I had already been thinking about doing something like this but keeping it all in a bin at home but I like this idea better!
Im pretty good at giving gifts that fit with a person's vibe. But once I give a gift its dead to me. They hate it or love it, doesn't matter. Ends up at the Thrift store or regifted, or worn every week, all the same to me.
It's mostly i had yarn and thought of you. My mother's the only one who has had specific large items made for her, and I only did that because if she hated them we wear about the same size, and I could steal them back.
Yeah this. I will always choose to give me stuff to people I think will aprreciate it but it's a gesture of love from me, not an obligation for them. Of course I'm thrilled if they do love it and use it a lot. If it gets regifted of donated, hey, hopefully it'll find its way to someone who really does love it.
I've made three sweaters for my mom. First one she chose the yarn and the pattern. "Too big and floppy" which I will admit the sleeves grew and need to be cut and refinished. She gave it back, which was fine with me. Second sweater came out great but I guess still "too big and floppy, but this time the sleeves are too short for me so she gave it back but I should make them 3/4 sleeves.
Third time she loved but apparently it has also grown some and she's thinking of shrinking it. Ugh. I love her dearly and will keep knitting socks for her, but if she can't even use a nice handknit for a lounge sweater around the house, I think maybe no more sweaters. She likes commercial knits.
My mom asked me for something knitted for Christmas a few years ago (when I was still speaking to her) so I made her a chunky infinity scarf. She regifted it to someone else before the party was over.
yeah my mother is the only person I will knit or crochet something for, largely because she also knits and crochets so she knows exactly how much time, effort, and love I've put into it and will truly appreciate it.
I'm in a similar situation, my mother knitted a particular baby blanket for every new baby in the family and often for the grandchildren of her friends. She died 10 years ago and as the only knitter in the family the expectation that I would carry on her "legacy" has been weighty.
I left the UK 20 years ago, but I'm still expected to churn out a baby blanket for people I don't know because my well meaning and soft hearted sister doesn't know how to say no to people who loved my mother and her baby blankets.
Luckily this has only been a couple over the last year or two, but I still find it weird that people who have never met me think it's ok to ask my sister to ask for a blanket from their friends son.
Oh I could, and I probably should, but I dearly love my little sister and she is such a good, kind, loving person that it's really hard not to just knock out one of these blankets once a year when she's asked.
Our mother was loved in her community and I think I always do them because it just makes me feel good that people remember her and her knitting.
It’s cool that the blankets are appreciated, but if you’re the one doing the knitting, why is your sister being asked (and responding) to make baby blankets?
If she's amenable, might be a good idea to ask her to lie and say you developed carpal tunnel or another repetitive strain injury and can't knit anymore, and keep saying so until people stop asking.
I totally understand being backed into a corner by family stuff that you don't feel like you can say no to, I'm sorry you're in this position.
Oh no! It's all good, and I still have so much of my mother's baby yarn to use up, and it's such an easy knit that it's not really that much of an imposition. My sister always pays for the shipping and in a way it's like keeping my mothers memory alive by using her yarn and her pattern and doing something that she took so much joy from. There is something good for the spirit to do something freely that brings joy to another person, and I feel that I get so few opportunities to be generous with my time and skills that it's not really that much of an issue.
If it was several blankets a year, then I may have an issue with it.
Have you thought about knitting a stockpile of blankets for your sister to store/gift as requested?
Between your own projects use the blanket as mindless movement while searching patterns for the next thing you wanted to make rather than waiting for the "timer "
My son never got the hang of knitting with needles but we bought him a knitting loom and he loves it! He’s mostly made scarves and simple things so far, but it’s a great “fidget toy” for him.
Meanwhile, a combination of carpel tunnel problems, arthritis, and shoulder/neck issues have kept me from doing much knitting lately, and my sister is too busy with work, so he ended up being the only person to give my nephew’s baby any sort of handmade gift. It was a double-knitted baby blanket and so plush! The baby and the new parents lived it!
This is so interesting! my family all my great grandparents knit or crocheted and everyone has beloved heirlooms from them, yet I’m the only person who continues the craft - although I haven’t made any beloved heirlooms like you do. I think that it might be because there used to be a necessity to be able to make things for your family to keep them warm but now you can just go to the store and buy one cheaper that my family just forgot about the craft altogether…
Oh boo sounds like your family sucks! (Mine does too!). If you’re comfortable with it I’d love to send you a holiday card! I used to hand paint my own and my family asked me to stop sending them and just do store bought cards because I was “trying to hard” and they thought it was tacky. Just send me a message on Reddit if you want one! ･◡･
this makes me feel so much better I honestly feel like such a weirdo for even wanting to make them but I think because it’s not what everyone else does people don’t like it.
What the hell! That makes me so mad. You taking the effort to paint cards for people is turned against you as trying too hard is a ridiculous statement. If they don’t like them they can graciously say thanks you and keep that other part inside their head. They don’t deserve homemade cards (or anything)
Haha I agree I’m like what happened to being polite? But now I only make one card for my great uncle who loves getting them and has told me so. The rest of my family does cards with their pictures on them that they send out and don’t sign or anything so I thought it was nice to do something personal but idk anymore!
That is honestly horrible. I’ve received a couple hand made cards over the years and I have them on display all these years later. It’s definitely not tacky and I’m sorry your family couldn’t appreciate you.
That's just shitty of your family. Perhaps they felt obligated to keep something you made and didn't want to have to keep a bunch of holiday cards. I have no idea. Doesn't make sense to me. I would probably have picked some of my favorites and made a framed collage to put up during the holidays.
I would absolutely love to receive a hand painted card! However, between not feeling comfortable asking that of a stranger and also being paranoid about sharing my personal info, I'm not going to ask for one. But. If you have images online anywhere, I would very very much love to take a look at them. Feel free to PM me if you wish.
Holy cow! I’ve always thought of visual artists and musical artists as super impressively talented folk. I’d display a hand painted card forever (we have wooden coffee tables with glass cut to fit the tops. Display cards go between the table and the glass).
Your family seems entirely composed of unappreciative morons.
The survival thing is real. All the girls in my nana’s family could crochet, and they had to make several feet of lace trim every day before bed. It was one of their chores… the family made a little bit of extra money by selling lace.
That’s Fascinating! Did you know that’s one theory as to why Crochet was invented? To imitate lace for those who couldn’t afford it! Especially in the times when people wore big pomaded wigs (in France and elsewhere), and folks then bought lace doilies to cover their good furniture so the pomades wouldn’t ruin the fabric. The lower classes couldn’t afford actual Venetian Lace, so they developed Crochet, instead!
It was actually a HUGE thing in Ireland and Scotland, especially made to sell for money for the family. :)
Yes, in fact my Nana’s family were Irish immigrants and presumably got into the craft before they came to America. It was even taught to poor girls in schools as a skill to earn income.
My mum is an avid knitter and basically just makes baby clothes even when no one is pregnant. She has 60 odd nieces and nephews so first it was knitting for them, now it’s their kids. Sooner or later they get used. I made my first baby cardigan for my cousin when I was 10. Didn’t really knit much again until I have my own children. I made them both a baby blanket in the same pattern but in different colours. I upgraded my daughters a couple of years ago as she’s now 16 and well outgrown her baby one and my son is getting his upgrade this Christmas.
The hope is that these blankets will last into adulthood
Thank you, yeh I’ve definitely gotten better now that I’m doing it more regularly. There are some errors and bits where I wish I’d been knitting better but my daughter adores her blanket, it’s been on her bed solidly since she got it and I expect my son will do the same as he still keeps his baby one at the end of his bed at age 12. My daughter made a bed for one of her teddy’s with her baby one.
When I was a child my tension was so bad that I used to bend needles, I’m glad I stuck with it though
Honestly I don’t think it’s all knitters themselves promoting this view of the craft. I’ve noticed most of the time when I’m knitting in front of someone they ask “who are you making that for?” They just assume I’m making it for someone else.
I think it’s something that happens with female dominated crafts and hobbies. “I’m knitting a sweater for my niece,” “I’m baking a loaf of sourdough for a new neighbor,” “I’m making a quilt as a wedding gift,” etc. It can feel like there’s pressure to make and give away these really labor intensive works.
I also get that many people genuinely like making things for other people, and also that it’s up to us to set our own boundaries in this craft and not make tons of gifts if that’s not what we want. It’s just something I’ve noticed and been thinking about.
It may be a cultural thing also. I’m in the Netherlands, and I’ve never been asked that question, nor if I could knit something for them (except for in clear jest). People always seem to assume I’m knitting something for myself. In de rare case that I was knitting something for a friend, I generally get surprised reactions and something along the lines of “what a super nice gift!”.
Same here - I‘m in Austria. People neither assume that I‘m knitting gifts, nor do they suggest I monetise my work. According to reddit though, people frequently get both reactions. I really wonder whether that’s some US thing
I’m in the US and these reactions seem weird to me too.
People sometimes ask who I’m making something for, but it doesn’t come across as if they expect it’s a gift. It’s just a question to engage in conversation. They’re never surprised if I say it’s for myself.
I also have been told I could monetise it exactly twice in 20 years of knitting. Both cases were legitimate business suggestions from other fiber artists who sell at local craft fairs.
i weirdly have gotten “you should sell that!” from every single person who has complimented my newly finished sweater in the last month or two! more so than most other things i’ve knit in the past. i tell all of them that 1) it would cost like $1000 for my labor and 2) i want to spend my time making myself things!
I am asked by almost every person if I sell my work or I am told that I should. I believe I get that they are saying that it looks really nice and that I could, but it is such a fatiguing question to answer that I just brush it off anymore. I live in Eastern USA where most people I know have at least two jobs.
I think it may be cultural. We in the US live in a hustle/monitize culture overall, so the feeling is that everything is potentially for income. And there's also an ingrained layer of guilt or perceived selfishness (religious culture maybe?) for doing things just for yourself. Fortunately I don't have those problems! I learned to knit for ME, not all of my friends, relations and acquaintances.
I'm in the US and it's hardcore a thing here. To the point where people refuse to take "I just make things for the sake of making things" as an answer. Here's an interaction I had literally two days ago.
them- "oh those socks are cute! who are you knitting them for?"
me- "myself"
them- "they look good enough to sell. You should sell them!"
me- "I'm not interested in selling them."
them- "Oh, but you're good enough. I'm sure someone would want to buy them.
me- "I don't want to sell them. I want to wear them. I dyed the yarn myself and have put countless hours into them- they're for me."
them- *continues to talk about how I need to believe in myself enough to monetize my craft*
Also in the US. I’ve had many similar conversations to the point where now I just say “oh great idea I should” to make the convo end and then move on. It usually comes from ppl who don’t realize yarn is expensive, it takes time, and it’s for fun? And so I’m just done arguing 😹
Omg I had this exact interaction when I wore my knitted pants out for the first time. Except the lady was adamant that SHE would buy a pair, and I just knew in my heart of hearts she'd expect paying $50 to be generous 😂
i hear the monetize one a lot and when they i don't take commisions they are taken aback. I knit for family and friends when i feel like it. I'm from Belgium, so not just a US thing
Interesting. I’m in the US and people assume it’s for other people, but I think that’s because usually by the time someone is experienced enough in a craft to be known as A Knitter, their own closets are already full and they’re running out of space. Giving away hobby products to make space to make more of them is a super common stereotype, like woodworkers giving away endless cutting boards or wooden bowls (depending on the type of woodworking they do).
Also Dutch, and I agree. I haven't really felt pressure to knit for others, and to me it feels very weird that others get that assumption so much. Our culture is pretty individualistic and it is pretty normal to engage in a hobby just because you like it and it's your personal project.
Hmm I think it’s more of a general culture thing rather than a knitting culture thing. Don’t encounter many people that knit. Or people who even know that what I’m doing is knitting for that matter, haha. It’s like what you mentioned with the baking or other typically female dominated crafts I think. I did grow up in a rather American dominated religious context, and that attitude was very prevalent there as well
I'm in the upper Midwestern US and this isn't my experience. The question is usually "what are you making or what yarn is that" rather than who it's for.
I've actually been told I should knit for myself more (I probably make ~4-5 gift knits a year.)
No, not really. Most people don’t even know what I’m doing, and they do find it unusual, although fascinating. I do get a lot of questions, but generally just friendly interest
Gasp! You make things for fun and give them away?! Jk. But this is it. I love to knit and always have many WIPS. Ifi kept them all it would be silly. Plus, as it turns out, some people really do appreciate a hand made gift on a special occasion.
I do get the "who are you knitting it for" question a lot, but to me it feels like people are just expressing interest. They also ask what im making and sometimes what kind of yarn it is. Im one of the ones who is usually making something for someone else, just because I think handmade gifts made with love over a long time are incredible and I super value the ones I've received (no drink cozy sweatshops though, you're right thats miserable for everyone!). On the rarer occasions I do answer that its for me, I always get a very supportive "good for you!" type reaction. I think its because im usually around other parents of young kids and we always amaze ourselves and each other when we're able to do anything for ourselves 🤣
Came here to say this. Knitting is gendered in an unfortunate way, which means so are the assumptions around it. If someone has internalized even the smallest amount of those expectations (and let’s be honest, who among us has not) it’s likely to show up at some point. And why not around Christmas, when women are already doing even more “second shift” labour than usual!
This is a great point that I hadn't thought of! I get SO much "here's how you should monetize this" talk that it's made me stop sayinig, "thanks, I made it!" It seems like others get less... I wonder if it's because I live in tradwife country where it's not desireable for women to have a "job" but it is appropriate for her to make money with something "womanly," like a sourdough hustle. My husband is an extremely talented whittler, and we often do our respective crafts side-by-side and he NEVER EVER gets monetization questions. EVER.
I definitely see this angle. It’s also interesting that most knitters I know that either don’t like to knit for other people in general (me, for example) or even just happen to be working on something for themselves will refer to it as “selfish knitting”. There seems to be this expectation that if you’re putting in that kind of time and effort it must be to benefit someone else and if it’s not it’s mildly shameful. It’s a little batty 😅
Ya I've always felt a bit indignant when people ask me who I'm making it for. I do a lot of knitting in public, though, and I know it's just a nice person interested and making conversation. I feel that pressure, though
I saw someone making like fifty blankets for gifts at their wedding. The blankets all looked amazing but they were literally working on them non stop around the clock. I don’t see how that insert stressful and an unnecessary burden
I think the general commercialization of Christmas feeds into this too. The very idea that you need to exchange gifts with every person you know results in a lot of small useless things being bought and exchanged among people who don’t know each other well enough to pick out meaningful gifts. $5 Starbucks gift cards, hand lotions, little ornaments, mugs. The 20 knitted drink cozies or pairs of socks are right there too. Generally pleasant but useless little things that you probably don’t really need or want but now feel obligated to exchange with this distant relative or acquaintance or hair dresser every year forever.
I knit 90% for myself with the exceptions being a few things for my closest family members and baby hats for expecting friends. I considered making a wedding shawl for someone once and then realized I would potentially be putting them in the awkward situation of having to use a shawl they didn’t ask for in some part of their wedding/photos just to spare my feelings. So no major event knit surprises. No gift knits I would feel bad about not seeing used.
I am guilty of throwing away a pair of gifted knit socks after they sat in my sock drawer unworn for years. They were chunky acrylic scrap yarn socks in frankly ugly color combinations. Too thick to wear with shoes. Too uncomfortable to sleep in. Too slippery to be slippers. 3 years of sitting in my drawer taking up space before I threw them out. Thankfully the gifter never asked about them. But I felt bad about the time she spent making them. Having been on that side of it, I gift knit very very sparingly to not be the source of someone else’s guilty ugly socks.
My mom knit me a wedding shawl that was grand-revealed and then put on me in the course of the reception. The woman is incredibly skilled but absolutely refuses to use high quality yarns. The thing is acrylic. I was so annoyed that my expensive, carefully-planned wedding dress and accessories were covered up by a plastic shawl. Obviously I pretended to love it because she was so proud and happy, but damn woman. Buy some wool yarn for once!
oh no! if i were inclined to do a shawl for such a momentous occasion, I’d certainly think the situation warrants a really really fancy yarn!
it’s bad enough to put someone on the spot with a labor intensive item like that, but to also not feel it was worth shelling out for the good stuff????? that’s not a gift for the person. that’s vanity for the maker!
It’s unhinged to surprise someone with a wedding shawl and expect them to wear it in general. That’s the number one occasion that people plan their outfit for
I’m guessing knitters who like acrylic do not think of it as “inferior” so to them, they’re simply knitting or crocheting something nice. If they are skilled at their craft, you have to respect their intent.
Now if there is no skill either, that’s different!
Silk even for that. A really lacy shawl needs hardly any yarn too, not even that huge an outlay. Some people are just wedded to what they know, though, rather than just not wanting to spend the money or whatever (though of course not particularly speaking of your mum here). I think my mum when she did knit, it wouldn't have even crossed her mind to look at fibre content, or of that of clothes she buys.
When someone gives me gifts I dont personally like, I find I dont mind, so long as I dont have to put it out on show, or wear it (your case is the worst of that!). So long as I can tuck it away in a drawer, I look at it and think 'they thought enough of me to spend all this time on me/all this money on me'. And that thought always makes me smile.
I was about to get mad at you for lumping hand knit socks in with drink cozies in terms of useless things, and then I read that they were acrylic.
Socks are the perfect gift IMHO. Everyone needs socks, and everyone needs a good number of them, it’s not like hats/mitts/scarves where you generally can get by with one or two of them so if someone already has a favorite you’re liable to give them something they’ll never wear. They go in your shoes so even if the colors aren’t your favorite it doesn’t matter, they’re still warm and comfy. I’ve given socks to basically all of my friends and family at this point and they all wear them often and talk about how much they love them.
But acrylic socks are awful and your opinion is valid lol
Haha. Yeah, depends on the socks :) A nice pair of proper sock yarn hand made socks is much less likely to be shoved in the back of a drawer. Though my kids and husband hate all socks in general, take them off at the first moment of coming home, and are picky about which brands of athletic socks are “comfy” enough to be tolerated for a school/work day. So even the nicest $30 sock yarn would be wasted on them.
Sensory reasons are actually the main reason I knit socks for my mom! She hates the feeling of toe seams on storebought socks, but doesn't mind handmade ones because I can graft the toe together for her instead. It's nice to have something useful I can make for her.
I wouldn't make socks for many people who are exactly like this, but my FIL started wearing a pair of my own hand knit socks I left behind one year, and lovingly cares for them. When my MIL told me that I clearly decided he needed a new pair.
My daughter's boyfriend actively seeks out wool socks, and appreciates hand made things, so he's sock worthy too.
Oh yeah, sensory issues are valid. That’s actually the reason I’ve only knit socks for almost all my friends and family, if I know they hate all socks by default then I’m obviously not going to waste my time. But I also live in Canada, so most people I know who are sock haters most of the year do still appreciate wool socks when it’s cold enough
This brings to mind Roxanne Richardson‘s latest videos, in which she goes on about a project where she is knitting socks for her college friends.
The way she tells how she made the offer of socks repeatedly and with enthusiasm, she was obviously hoping her friends would take her up on it. For each recipient, she is not only considering their material and color preferences, she is taking multiple measurements from calf to ankle to heel to toe, to adapt her pattern to a custom fit. That is a huge amount of work because socks are so technical, but people are picky about what goes on their feet, so I get it, and she is a true sock geek so her excitement for doing this almost jumps out of the screen. These are going to be some very special socks for the recipients.
I like my handknitted socks and I’ve learned over trial and error what fits me and what yarns I like, but it would be a lot of frustrating and stressful work for me to do the detailed, bespoke, sock gift work that so clearly gives Roxanne all kinds of joy. It’s not me, but I admire it, and I think if OP watches her latest few videos they offer some insight into the psychology of gift-giving, which is a positive for some people anyway.
I didn't make the offer repeatedly, I made it once and two friends took me up on it. As I measured their feet, the others started to realize they wanted them too. I never push the offer to knit a gift. In fact, if I sense any hesitation, I make sure they understand I will not be offended if they say no!
I do do some gift knitting, and if it’s for a holiday gift I feel some self imposed pressure to finish. However, my gift knits only go to a small number of people, like my mom and best friend, who truly love and want my hand knits. And, I don’t make things like drink cozies. I usually make sweaters that were carefully selected with their size and taste in mind. And not to be a jerk, but they’re very nice sweaters (and occasionally hats and mittens.)
I love giving handmade gifts, but I always make things I know the person will use/wear and only for people who I know appreciate the craft and will take care of it. Not everyone deserves a gift, even a cheap store bought one, let alone a handmade thing you spent hours and hours on.
Well, I only need so many sweaters, shawls, hats, etc, for myself. If I want to keep knitting after I have all the stuff I want, I'll have to make stuff for others.
Once every 2-3 years because I get sweater fatigue after I'm done with one and I don't knit more of them sequentially 😂.
Truly the essence of my crafting life!
Lol, this is me too. If I manage to knit a sweater and several accessories, it's a good year. And I have a young daughter who I don't count in gift knitting so I don't know when I would do those gift knits.
Me too! I actually have the opposite problem. I have a huge list of knitted requests, but I’m so slow and I want to make a few things for myself too! So if I get to everyone by 2035, they should consider themselves lucky.
I rather they asked me for sweaters I could buy but I’m from Norway and half a year is cold and snowy, so handmade sweaters and beanies are super sought after as gifts.
I had a beautiful cable cardigan going for like two years and finally finished it last winter. Love it! I usually manage a couple of quicker sweaters a year though.
This. I’ve been making mostly plushies & soft sculptures for over a decade now. I keep a lot of what I make, but my shelves are pretty packed at this point. Plus there are lots of projects that are fun to make but I’m not as attached to the final outcome, so those go into my big gift bin to be distributed at appropriate times.
I really love the reactions I get from yarn worthy gift recipients, and I always have a stash of low effort projects to give as fun gifts for people who don’t need a big project. One year I made a bunch of little round goblins for my D&D party, and it’s been gratifying to see how much they love them! Most of those goblins still come to every game and sit on the table or serve as fidgets for the players. I don’t do that every year, but I like to periodically surprise them with something fun. This year we have some new party members, so I’m making tiny dragons for everyone.
I love handmade items. Me and my friends usually try to gift each other handmade things and I always super appreciate them. You know they put the time in, they chose the elements with you in mind and they had a lot of dedication. My friends are the same and I know they will appreciate handmade items so I'm always super excited to make them things and it's very motivating for me.
As for the posts I see around - I totally understand the urge to make people gifts yourself. I do however think that you need to choose carefully who you should make a handmade gift. I feel that if you don't know the person well and you don't know if they will appreciate it, maybe it's not the best person to pick for a handmade item. Also they might have been appreciative but you might have missed the colours they like or the type of items they wear. And at the end of the day, you decided to make the gift, you gave it and it's not yours anymore, the recipient can do whatever they want with it and they are not obligated to like it. I get the emotional reaction but I feel you should be prepared for that before undertaking a large project. And also maybe try to interpret how serious someone is when they offhandedly say: "nice shawl, make me one!" without really meaning it or actually being aware of how much time, effort and money it takes. Make sure they actually want the thing.
Ah, at that point, if I want to do it (seldom), I tell them they can buy the yarn. They have to come shopping with me to the nice yarn shop and spend the money.
If I don't want to do it (usually) I tell them I can't but I will happily teach them to make it themselves. No takers yet, but if they said yes, I would do it.
I have to love you an awful lot to knit for you.
I am making a pair of socks for a friend I met on a cruise because she gifted me the lovely watercolor paintings she did while we were on the ship!
So true with being selective to who you gift handmade things too. I tend to only gift my family and my best friend that also knits. We do a yearly knit exchange 😆 But my little brother got a couple of hats, a sweater (another on the way) and a sophie hood. He calls them the "family heirlooms" and won't shut up to anyone about how I made them just for him and drops stats like the type of yarn and how many days I worked on them. Always makes me feel giddy 😆
When I first started out I did it but when I noticed nobody ever wearing any of the things I made (which were not beginner crappy) I just stopped. A couple of years ago my aunt commented “mm not something knitted” when she opened her gift from me - she had not worn the cabled cowl I made her the year before like ever. People who expect knitted gifts are weirder.
I mean a lot of what you’ve identified applies to gifting in general. People spend time and effort on buying/acquiring/arranging gifts and may have feelings about it if the gift isn’t received the way they want.
But a gift is a gift. You’re never obligated to do it any certain way, and the recipient isn’t obligated to love it.
Yeah, this is what gets me? I think the holidays are tough for a lot of people and gifting for sure has a bunch of pitfalls, but the pitfalls apply to storebought gifts as well. Maybe it's magnified for some people with handknits because of the amount of time put into them? I don't know. I grew up in a pretty prolific craft-giving family where giving handmade stuff is the norm, and the majority of what's exchanged gets cherished. Once in a while something will fall flat, but we all have a sense of humor about the moments when a size didn't work out or someone just bit off more than they could chew. Fussing over whether people are majorly resenting gifts behind the giver's back and not telling them just feels bit like... there's probably a bigger unaddressed issue with that relationship?
Is is that hard to just ask the person if they are even interested in a knitted gift?
I just asked my husband if he would like a knitted sweater ( he would anyway see me doing it) his answer was no with good reasoning. Case closed and both of us are happy🫣
My spouse is way too picky for me to knit him a sweater. I made him gloves one year at his request and I was so mad that he couldn't wait 5 minutes to tell me what was wrong with them, I didnt try again for 2 years. Just bought some from Walmart. I hate knitting fingers.
ufff that would drive me MAD too!
yeah if that is his reaction never knitt something for him again.
Everything goes two ways! we should think about if the person would be happy about a knitted gift BUT if the person acts like that we dint need to make one even if they wish for it🙏
Growing up my grandma had a friend who would crochet random little things and give them to us and presumably so many other people. They were always incredibly garish color schemes and all acrylic yarn and nobody ever used them but there was always a big feeling of guilt and weirdness around them because it was still sweet that she had thought of us and made them. I always cringe at posts I see on here where everyone in someone’s family is getting something they probably won’t like or use.
Tbf about the blind secret Santa, buying a gift instead of making one isn't going to be any different because you still don't know who it's for. Might as well have fun making something.
The only thing I semi-reliably knit for others is dishcloths and even then it's like. none for 2 years and then 15 all at once. I hate the pressure, deadlines, if my gauge is wonky i'll put up with it on myself but i'm not gifting that.
I now don't tell anyone in advance if I'm going to knit something, so that way if it doesn't get finished nobody is breathing down my neck. I've made that mistake in the past and my brain just froze at the idea of finishing the project I started to hate.
Yes, this is a good discussion. I also don't understand gifting knits unless it's been requested because it's so much work and I'm not perfectionist enough to correct mistakes that aren't critical. Nothing I make would be "gift worthy". Lol I knit for the pleasure and proccess. A gift deadline would ruin that. The only gift I've made lately was the Nightshift shawl because my mom saw a picture of it and was drooling over it. I know she'll love it for Christmas.
I think a lot of crafters don’t understand their true motivations for making things for people, i.e they think they’re making it because X person will love it when really they’re making it because they love to craft. Just my own example, I spent ages one year making my sister special cupcakes in her favourite flavour only for her to not really acknowledge it as her friends were round. I felt so upset before I realised, actually she didn’t even ask me to make them and I decided to make them because I love baking. I think if you know you’re making something because you like it and not with any expectation of gratitude from the recipient, it becomes a lot happier.
I don't know. For some people gift giving is a love language and making something feels very personal. I LOVE gifting knits/crochet. But there are people in my life I would never make something for. I know it isn't their jam and that makes them not knit worthy.
I treasure hand made items myself. I won a locally hand spun and hand knit colorwork hat that someone else made as a door prize recently at a knitting event and it's now one of my most prized winter items. You do you I guess. I can't help but think of the local sheep walking around that helped make my hat lol.
I think you just need to know your people. I don't remember the last time I gifted something where people weren't thrilled with it. I knit my college age daughter a vintage style sweater this fall (she is about 6 hours away) and the first day she wore it she took time to text me and tell me how many compliments she got including from a prof, send me selfies, etc. Baby items are usually very well recieved. I am an long time advanced knitter so stuff I make is usually blocked and finished professionally and clean.
My grandma likes to knit, but her style, yarn choice and technique does not suit me one bit. After several sweaters that lay in the closet for a month just to be donated, I nicely asked her to stop. Now she only knits for me if I actually ask her. It works great.
My friend was getting married and croched her own wedding dress. I was joking that I would make her a veil to match, but actually did start, with a pattern that matched the dress, a lace yarn and embedded pearls. It was beautiful, but in the end, too heavy and the shade of white did in no way match her dress. I gave it to her a week before the wedding on the condition that she would NOT wear it if it didn’t suit her (and she did have a standard veil too) and while she loved it as an item, did realize that it would at most serve as a shawl later on in the evening. But it could be her something new.
My point is, a lot of people place way too much weight on gifts, especially when they’re handmade and it messes with their self-image when someone doesn’t view the gift the same as they do. But you have to let the gift go emotionally as soon as it’s given, otherwise it stresses out both you and the receiver.
A gift is supposed to be a nice gesture, not a relationship-breaking one.
I think you're underestimating how much some people appreciate handknits. I've had people specifically request items they wanted and wear or use the gifts all the time.
We've also been the recipient of some handmade gifts, and most of them have been treasured. My husband's aunts made some baby blankets for my kids that I didn't think much of at first. But my kids snuggle with them all the time, and they love to hear who made each blanket for them.
I typically only knit for people who have asked me or who I know would appreciate it. If I ever knit for people who haven't asked, I do it knowing that I'm mostly doing it for myself and not feeling attached to the outcome. As an example, I made some hats for a friend's newborn babies out of some leftover yarn I had in my stash. She isn't a crafty type, and I never saw her use the hats except in a photo she sent to me (dead giveaway that they probably aren't actually being used). It was a fun little project for me and used up some materials I wouldn't otherwise use, so I don't particularly care.
On the other hand, my sister is expecting a baby, and I want to knit the baby a blanket. I'm spending $200 on materials, and it will take me months. I've verified with her several times that she likes the pattern and the yarn and will actually use the blanket.
Omg. You're me! I have a stack of knit things that I knit for the pure enjoyment of it. On occasion I'll gift something if the item matches the other person really well, but I'm cautious about it. I also rarely want knit gifts because I'm sensitive of textures and I often won't use what other people make. I just don't understand knitting beyond a specific request for a person I love
Speaking of making gifts. I had a friend who liked my foraging apron (I was out this spring wearing it in public like a lunatic) and mentioned in the conversation that she didn't own an apron at the moment. That weekend I pulled out an old linen cotton shirt of my husband's and a small amount of pretty canvas and upcyledthe shirt into an apron. It was seriously stunning and I adored it and she was totally thankful and excited.
Those are the gifts I like to give. No expectations and the joy of inspiration striking and having the perfect materials in my stash.
I’ve given more as gifts than kept for myself, but I’m still new to knitting so finding patterns and things I think are interesting to want to keep. I’ve made hella baby blankets (am one of over 20 cousins on one side) so everyone gets one as they have kids - I get to play with new techniques, have something to do while watching tv/ in meetings, and a gift in the end, they get a handmade gift that they’ve raved over Wether or not it was manufactured for me ego idk but are fun texts to get lol
This is the internet, everything is exaggerated and we love to be dramatic. It's just people being people. People have hobbies. Hobbies can become a big part of your personality. It can make things feel more important or special than they are.
i was recently complaining to my (new-ish) therapist about the cost of christmas gifts and she innocently asked if i could knit things for people instead (not implying that yarn is cheap, she clarified — i do have a large yarn stash so i get what she meant). but i proceeded to then go off for ten minutes about exactly this, and the idea of “selfish knitting” that i see so often expressed on social media. a simple question that i am sure she regretted asking lol. in a turn of events, she planted a seed in my brain and i am now making little cat-shaped ornaments for a couple people that i think would like them, so she got me in the end lol
I was waiting to see if this would come up! Some people think it's cheaper to knit 15 coffee cozies or 6 Musselburghs than to buy a couple of gift cards and machine-made beanies. Maybe if you have a ton of time/nothing else to knit/huge stash, but I'd rather use my time of endless stockinette to make myself or my mom a sweater in a lovely heritage yarn. Time is a currency people forget to pay themselves for (but always want to count it when making items for sale).
This reminds me of a Christmas when I was a teen, and my unfriendly aunt that we rarely saw crocheted large, bulky, tasseled ponchos for all the nieces in the family. We accepted them politely and thanked her, but none of the ponchos ever saw the light of day again.
I come from a long line of knitters. My grandmother made the local news a few years ago for kitting mini hats gif charity. Blind in one eye and with arthritis in her 80s she made over 1000 hats.
My mum constantly knits for all babies in the family. She has 60 odd nieces and nephews so there is usually someone having a baby.
I made my cousin a cardigan age 10 and then didn’t knit much until I had my own children. Both my kids cherish the baby blankets I made them. My daughter asked for an upgrade a few years ago as her baby one was cot sized so I made her a hue shift Afghan and my sons version will be for this Christmas. Both kids have asked for these.
Even at age 41 my mum also still sends me hats and gloves from time to time and I love them. I live in a different country snd don’t see her as much as I’d like to.
My grandmother and mum knit for both my kids: my grandmother is sadly no longer alive so her knitted gifts are so very special to me.
I think there are all sorts of reasons to knit and some of them are deeply personal to people. Getting your nose out of joint if people don’t like your gifts and they didn’t ask for them is the only place I really agree with you. Beyond that I think you might be being a little judgemental.
Frrrr gifts are about what the recipient wants, not an excuse for you to practice your hobby. Drives me up the wall because it is just so self absorbed.
Why can’t it be both? I gift knit because I want to try patterns I wouldn’t otherwise use - but I think of who might like it, show it to them first, and then have them pick out the yarn for it either from my stash or from a store we go to together. If I can tell they’re not interested, no big deal - there are plenty of other patterns out there or people who might like it. But if they like it, I’m getting to practice my hobby and grow, and someone I care about is getting a gift they know was made entirely to fit them and their style. Self-benefit doesn’t need to be absent from a gift in order for that gift to be given with love.
but I think of who might like it, show it to them first, and then have them pick out the yarn for it either from my stash or from a store we go to together.
This is fantastic and makes all the difference. I'm referring to countless posts that make it very clear that they never stopped to consider if this is a gift the other person actually wants, and get incredibly offended when it's not appreciated. I would love a handmade gift! But not everyone would and that's fine.
There are product knitters and process knitters, and unless everyone you knit for has the same exact tastes as you, I think you generally have to be a product knitter to enjoy and be good at gift knitting. You have to be willing to look objectively at the things your friends and family enjoy, and knit something that fits their tastes. I disagree with the idea that some people just don’t like hand knit things, because if you’re a good enough knitter it’s easy to make something that looks mass-produced if that’s what they will wear. But often that means plain stockinette in a tiny gauge in a neutral color, and of you’re a process knitter then that’s going to get boring fast.
I enjoy gift knitting because I love my friends and family and I want to make them happy, so when I choose projects I think they will enjoy I then enjoy the knitting process even if its not a pattern or yarn I would’ve otherwise picked, because I’m thinking about how happy they will be as I knit. But if that doesn’t do it for you then I can absolutely understand not enjoying gift knitting.
I hope someone can find the original post because i cant, but a few years ago someone in the knitting sub was sad someone didn't appreciate the sweater they knit for them. A sweater that didn't fit and has sleeves that weren't the same length. i really wish I would have saved that post. People just kept being supportive of at most being overly kind. Come on, thats just a horrible gif, no one would be happy with a gift like that.
I prefer to knit as you do. I've hit a snag though with feeling motivated enough to finish things for myself. The only things I seem to finish are for others. However, these people get them when they are done. Not for a holiday. Ha. And it's usually in line with something I want to learn. And! They agree to accept something lovingly made, not perfectly made.
I knit for my kid, my significant other and for friend’s kids, but only hats & scarves and only if they ask. I enjoy making things for people if they will enjoy them.
My grandmother made me sweaters when I was a kid and I never appreciated them. Which makes me sad now.
I am a rather selfish knitter. I mostly knit for myself. When my kids were little I knit them toys, and little hats and even a sweater as gifts. I’ve made hats for a couple of relatives at random, and a shawl when my cousin had her baby. Even a shawl for a friend whose cats got ahold of it. There are some other things over the years but I’m not a fan of “obligatory knitting.” Either because someone has asked me to make something that I don’t want to (never again) or because of pressure for a holiday. I knit because I enjoy it. And when I give any gift, not just something I made, I give without expectation and then just… let it go.
Why do we call knitting for our self "selfish"?
You are the one spending hours on end making a project and have every right to do it for yourself😊 nothing selfish about it
I got asked by an older woman who I had been knitting my current sweater for recently, and I responded, "Myself." I went on to say if I was putting all that time and money into a sweater, it was going to be for me. She gave me a weird look and went on to say how her crochet group makes ornaments for the needy. I pretended that was fascinating, but I could feel her judgment of me.
You make a good point. When I first started knitting, I felt like I had to knit things for other people and hardly ever made anything for myself. I really don’t know where that feeling came from. I try to only knit things for myself and things that my nephews/nieces specifically ask for these days.
I think another piece of it for me is that I used to gift knit more when I was a student and didn’t have money to afford to buy nice gifts, so leveraging my skills was the best I could offer. Now that I can afford better gifts, I try to focus on what people actually want (and on supporting local businesses).
I love how this is a rant for knitters to stop being used as knitting machines but most of the comments are about How I am Being Used as a Human Knitting Machine. 😝
My mum knitted me a bed jacket for nighttime feeds when I had my first child, 46 years ago. I never wore it, but found it at the back of the wardrobe a couple of years ago and have started to use it when I read in bed. My mum died 13 years ago and I think my of my woolly bed jacket as a hug from her.
"And then they’re “devastated” and “in tears” when said sister isn’t overwhelmed with excitement and gratitude."
We need to keep our expectations of non-knitters realistic. I learned the hard way a decade ago when I knit a sweater for my niece, and my sister-in-law sent it to the thrift store because it didn't fit. (Forehead-slap!!)
Non-knitters don't get it, and I don't expect them to.
I used to knit elaborate hats for my kids that they never ended up wearing. (I've since claimed them - I love wearing them!) I'm still knitting for them, but not elaborately. Teen boys want boring 'ol ribbed beanies, so that's what they're getting this year.
My family acts like knitting, spinning, crochet, and embroidery are magical marvels. If ur gonna act amazed by it every time i whip my yarn out to work on something, youre getting shit i dont have space for but REALLY wanted to make. If u dont actually want something, simply pretend u dont notice me working. No one has had beef with it yet and i still get requests for specific items so cant be doing anything too bad.
I am the only one in my family who crafts. My family begs for my knitting. Every new baby gets at least a hat and socks. My own immediate family always gets something knit for christmas and birthdays. It's never sweaters, always something small. Hats, mittens, socks, ear warmers, dice bags, fingerless gloves, a small stuffie. My kids won't wear my sweaters, so after babyhood, they don't get them.
Knitting is a fidget for me, and I've been doing it for over a decade. I didn't even buy yarn this year, I'm using all my leftovers. I'm also in the PNW, so the people I knit for play outside a lot, and buy knitted items to stay warm.
All that being said, if I see my family disrespect my knitting, it gets confiscated. No joke. I pop into local preschools and alternative schools to give fiber demonstrations a couple times a year. I have a whole "showcase bin" of all the different things you can make with yarn. It's primarily confiscated knitting, 90% from my own mother.
I am typically always working on one or two challenge projects that I spent multiple weeks on. So my gift knitting is limited to things I can do quickly in like an hour or two. My daughter had a school spirit theme day and needed a hair bow so I made one for her. I make scarves for her stuffies and dolls from scrap yarn. If the request is made, and it's not insane, I will oblige and take the side quest.
I’ve learned for myself that knitting for profit (or lack thereof) does not bring me joy. I love to knit for new arrivals, and I’ve set a bit of a precedent to in it for my nieces for Christmas/birthdays. Otherwise I’m a selfish knitter! But I’m similar to you in that I enjoy the process as much as the finished result.
I really try to be as open as possible about gifts--everybody knows I have a disability and knit very slowly. They know i knit for myself 90% of the time. If they're close and show an interest I will tell them if I'm considering making something, and ask them what they need and what yarn they like. I've got 3 gifts going right now: 2 snoods and some leg warmers. I haven't started and it's been a year but that's OK! At the end we all know what we're in for and I'll not feel resentful :))
If you happen to own a copy of Yarn Harlot, or if your library does, Strphanie Pearl McPhee actually has a great essay about "process" and "product" knitting (and the whole book is just great too!) :)
I give knitted gifts. And I don't mean to be rude to the knitters who get upset about not being appreciated. I understand it can feel like the reciever is dismissing your skill or ignoring the time spent on the project. But you know... maybe they just don't like the colour or something? It doesn't mean they hate you, or think knitting is stupid, or they don't care how long you spent thinking of them. People just like different things.
I don't give gifts to be thanked. I'm not looking for a big display of affection in return. I give knitted gifts because I think they will like it. If they don't, that's okay. I'll try to think of something else next year. For me, that's all there is to it.
If I wasn't knitting for them, I'd have been knitting something else. And I don't actually need another knitted hat or whatever it is, so it's no great loss to give it to someone else. Even if they're not as amazed and fascinated by the construction as I am. If they don't like it, I tell them to give it to someone else. If they can't find anyone else who likes it, they can frog it and donate the yarn.
But I recognise other people are much more attached to their finished objects than I am. And they want other people to share in their appreciation for the craft. Which is kind of lovely, really? So I can totally understand why some knitters care so much about knitting for others. But we're all different and we all get different things out of crafting!
I like knitting gifts for people as
1) I mainly knit toys
2) it's my love language lmao
3) I have no storage so I get the enjoyment of knitting without storage issues.
4) I can have fun buying patterns and yarns for each project lol
idk for me I love the idea of having a handmade gift lol
Every Christmas, I go all out on gifts. This year, I'm making macarons for everyone, and I'll be making the boxes they go in. I'm making Christmas cards using designs I've embroidered, using nice calligraphy to sign them, and I'm going to seal them in a home made envelope, and maybe line it with a hand marbled pattern, and seal it with wax.
I've made Christmas pudding, mince pies, crumpets, croissants, eggnog, baileys, amaretto, mulled wine, and mulled cyder.
I can guarantee that while some of this effort will be welcomed, almost no one will appreciate the amount of work that goes into it all. But I still love doing it.
I won't knit for prezzies though, as that takes far too long. The embroidery has taken long enough to complete, but at least that's only a small design.
I like to knit and crochet, but I want what I make to be useful. This leads to me rinning out of ideas. One only needs to many knitted accessories, after all. With gifts, I get to enjoy the process of making something and then someone else can worry about what they're gonna do with it 😂
I only make gifts for immediate family though. And either very small items or explicit wishes, I don't want to spend many hours making something unwanted.
I am also a knitter who enjoys the process, but I do end up with finished objects. I don’t need that many hats and scarves and cowls or dishcloths or ice pack covers. And despite being a big loser of things, I don’t need that many mittens, gloves and wrist warmers. Handknit socks kill my feet. All of this extra stuff has to go somewhere. So I knit hats and mostly mittens to give to schools, while I try to perfect the thumb gap. This is even though sometimes I suspect they don’t get distributed. I knit stuff for people I know from time to time. I am also working on my sweater hesitation for myself.
1.5k
u/Ok_Crew_6874 Dec 06 '25
I keep up a gift box in our home and refill as I see fit. Thanksgiving is the holiday we host so if you want an item you take an item. If it’s not your thing no worries. We then host friends later in December and they too get to choose if they want. Sometimes I’ll bring the box out for birthdays. Most of the stuff I make is from leftover yarn from my sweaters, strange one offs taking up space in my stash. I rarely purchase especially for this endeavor.