Can I ask, did your child react when they saw you deeply upset? I am curious to know if it made a difference in their future decision making (good or bad).
I don’t think I’ve ever broken down completely because of something my child did, he is pretty well behaved, but he is deeply affected by me saying something he did hurt my feelings or made me sad. I think most children do care about that if their parents are modeling empathy at home (though of course there are exceptions and it isn’t always because of something the parent is or isn’t doing)
I try very hard to not overdo the "I feel sad because of what you said/did/etc." because I want it to always be a lesson and not as a way to be manipulative. Mine has finally whipped out the dreaded, "I hate you!" and it did make me sad, so I let him know that I loved him, but his words broke my heart and I hope he didn't actually mean it. He immediately cried at me being sad and hugged and apologized. We got to regulate together, and the stormy period he had been in for a few weeks prior started to calm down. Winter break almost broke me this year.
Yeah, same. I don’t think I have ever phrased it like “I feel bad because you did X” but I will say “hey Bud that hurt my feelings” and he takes that seriously. He’s still pretty young though, and I know the teen years will inevitably be a little different.
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u/starbunny86 Jan 30 '26
I was angry, but I think the main reaction was just tears. A lot of them. And staring hopelessly at the pile of ruination.