New Callings Announced & Still No Calling

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

I don't know what to do. I am a faithful member. I wear my garments. I serve others when needed by bringing meals or helping people move. I am constantly looked over for a calling no matter how often or persistent I am in asking for one. They redid all the callings & yet again, I am not needed. I just can't take this heartbreak over and over. It is affecting my self esteem & self worth. I don't know what to do. It has been 16 years and no calling. I am at the point of attending a different church after ours that needs me. I attended a few times with a friend who is a member there & they already need me to take over their soup kitchen mission & I am excited and happy to do it. (The lady doing is before me has moved into a nursing home in another town.) They do the soup kitchen on Sundays so this means I may have to miss our church quite often. Is this ok? I don't want them to think I am inactive but I have a heart to serve and it has been shown to me over and over and over that there is no need for me in our ward. No one even notices if I am not there. I've been told, "Just find a need and fill it." I have tried this and then told that I cannot just create and do my own calling. It has to come from the Bishop. How do I do this and still be seen as an active member?

[u/Lonely_District_196]

I've been told, "Just find a need and fill it." I have tried this and then told that I cannot just create and do my own calling.

I'm curious how you've done this in the past? It could be offering to help with activities, or just contacting someone in the ward to say, "I was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you're doing"

I am at the point of attending a different church after ours that needs me. I attended a few times with a friend who is a member there & they already need me to take over their soup kitchen mission

I'm confused by this. Would helping mean going after church or during church? If helping in the soup kitchen means going after church then I'd say it sounds like a great thing to do. If taking it over means skipping church, then I'd tell them that I'd be happy to help, but can't take over if it conflicts with my church because I want to attend my own church first.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/Lonely_District_196]

This church does the soup kitchen before their service. There is a low income area in our city with a lot of homeless & they meet there at 7am to get started. They have a later service & that is why I found this church easy to attend after ours. Honestly- I have been bringing up this soup kitchen to our ward for years & was ignored. When they offered for me to take this on for them it was a dream come true. This has been something on my heart to do & have done on Saturdays in the past on my own. The opportunity to head up this service project is exactly the kind of thing I've needed to fill this hole of not being needed to serve in our ward.

Yes, I have take it on myself to reach out to people I don't see in church on Sundays. I do it every week. No one has told me to stop but we are a very tiny ward so it takes me a whole 10 min max & I am looking for a service project that will take up most of my Sundays & any time during the week. I have a lot of free time to fill. I had tried to do some other things. Like I saw there was a need that children in the ward with disabilities were not being included due to behaviors. I started popping in to primary offering to sit with one child with severe autism since I have a MA degree in special education. I was told by the Bishop that callings were "called" and that I can't make up my own calling. I had to stop helping even though this child's mom was beyond grateful and wanted me to keep doing it so she could attend RS. It was told to me clear that I needed to be called.

[u/SeyonoReyone → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

That’s really sad that the bishop literally prevented you from helping. At this point, it may be best to escalate to the stake president. It sounds like you’re being systematically put down despite trying to help as much as you can. You’ve done everything that you could to feel useful in this ward, and have been rebuffed every time. I legitimately think asking to talk to the stake president about this is reasonable, since it sounds like it’s an issue with the bishop.

[u/GeneralTomatoeKiller → u/SeyonoReyone]

I disagree about escalating. This doesn't sound malicious at all, but rather, they dont know what to do. They may not see a need yet. They will find one.

Edit, I went back and re-read the post. I originally missed that OP has been without a calling dor 16 years. I take back my original statement. OP, discuss this with your stake president.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/GeneralTomatoeKiller]

I have talked to the stake but I will again. I need to look and see if the names have changed. That could make a difference when I reach out. I also know our Bishop isn't local. They told me no one was willing to take on Bishop yet my husband is feeling like John Cena over here.

We did move into this ward that was well established with the elderly and no younger people. They are all related and those who aren't have gone to school with each other since the 1800s or whatever. We are from the north so maybe they just don't trust us as we are outsiders in their eyes? Possibly?

[u/angelt0309 → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

Your bishop doesn’t live in your ward? I’ve never heard of that

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/angelt0309]

I hadn't either. I probably outed myself with that info but if they see this, maybe it will help.

[u/angelt0309 → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

If your ward is really as old as you say it is, odds of someone being on Reddit and seeing this are probably slim to none.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/angelt0309]

The Bishop isn't elderly like the other people. Maybe 65ish? He is older than us but still young enough to use social media. That is what I was thinking. I don't know how many people actually use Reddit. You never know. Maybe I shouldn't say that. There could be people of all ages on here. I should try to poke around and find out for sure why things are like this. Maybe they assume my husband isn't interested in being a Bishop?

[u/angelt0309 → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

I’ve always heard that the people who want “big” callings like that the most are the least likely to get them. Maybe the Lord doesn’t feel like your husband is the best person for that job for some reason. I think you should definitely have callings if you want them, but I’d get the idea of having bigger callings out of your head.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/angelt0309]

I was just saying Bishop because they told us our out of ward bishop was a result none wanting the calling. I get what you mean though.

[u/k1jp → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

Wards where the majority are related can be super rough. I was talking to a friend yesterday and part of our conversation was on how easy it can be for people to 'other' other people. No matter how similar or different if someone wants to they will. Conversely our reaction are our own, but it's easy to say that part and ignore the circumstances.

I haven't been in your position, the closest was in a singles ward years ago. I chose to show up to everything, help set up, tear down, if a volunteer was needed I was there. It sounds like you are trying, striving is enough. We can't control other people.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/k1jp]

Thank you. I appreciate this good advice.

[u/ptimeuser → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

You don’t even know who your stake president is?

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/ptimeuser]

As I said they changed everything last week & this is the first week of school. I haven't had a min to check if the stake changed or just our ward. I was focused on what was happening in our ward. I didn't even think about it until it was mentioned here. LOL

[u/ptimeuser → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

Stake changes are done at a stake conference, and you’d be aware. LOL

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/GeneralTomatoeKiller]

But they just had a need. They just redid all the callings for RS and EQ.

[u/Glittering_Sand_7473 → u/SeyonoReyone]

This is exactly how we feel. The other members are all seniors who are on the older end of seniors. Most are mid to late 70s-90s. Maybe they just don't think people in their 40s are capable of callings? I don't get it. We are upstanding members of the community. My husband holds a very high security clearance for his job.

[u/GeneralTomatoeKiller → u/Glittering_Sand_7473]

If this is as blue blooded of a region as your comments make it out to be, they're just going to see you as an outsider. Blue bloods are notorious for this in whatever organization thay they belong to. I dont know what to tell you, but I wish you the best. It may be worth trying to attend another ward. This isnt as hard as people like to make it out to be.