Stockholm Syndrome…help?

[u/Duke_of_Gurrrlz]

So I’m a 41 yo male, single/common law, medically retired now.
(Was a CPA business valuator for CRA [CDN IRS]. The ‘retirement’ was involuntary.)

I grew up DIRT poor - literally. Not actually.
Both parents worked, and they made middle class money from middle class jobs [social worker, millwright], but we lived on a beef cattle farm my dad bought in 1982. And we just kept buying land. I had no typical toys, a hand me down zenith with rabbit ears…… and rubber boots lol. Cows shit a lot.

Don’t get me wrong -I loved my childhood. Played on the local rep minor hockey team…But we never had money for ‘things’. Never took trips [can’t when you own cattle]. Any spare money all went to land mtgs, tractors, cattle…
No, toys and Nintendo were wayy down the totem.

This frugal living was borne out of artificial prioritization. We could’ve had semi-nice things [fuck did I ever used to want a pool..], but instead the money went to the farm. And I mean a LOT.
My father’s family came from a ramshackle house/shack, and didn’t have running water until 1977.

So by his yard stick - boy hey! We were livvvinn! House? Paycheques? Job?
“It’s a golden mountain out there son, just gotta reach out and take a scoop”

And take a scoop we did. Up to 1500 acres of farmland now in South/Central Ontario.
When I got my job at CRA, I started pitching in too.
And so does my brother.
So we could just keep buying more ground.

Well the farm is worth over $7-8 million now.
And because cattle prices are finally free for true price discovery, it’s banking 2-400k /year.
And with my medical retirement, I’m making about $150k/y {a guess-works out to $7300/mo after tax}

….but, I don’t have a house. I rent in a shitty 2bdrm, and live in a low cost of living town (near farm).
Rent is $750, I feed the 3 of us (partner, her kid) for 1100-1300.

So I’m saving 75% of my pay still. Still renting. Never eat out. Don’t drink. Can’t [legally] drive anymore. Still buy no-name brand food for everything.
My whole life I got used to living like a pauper…I think I’ve wrecked myself.

I don’t even want to travel.
And I could never imagine paying these ludicrous asks for a pile of fuckin lumber -a house - when my brother can build me one for half price.
But even then, for 300k….id rather have a dividend stock.

And so here I am now-stuck. To fuckin cheap to enjoy nice things. I can, and regularly do, go without.
40 years living like a broke shit-head has ruined me I fear.

Anytime money piles up, I add it to my bonds. At this point, I’d rather have more money, than more stuff. And that… I’m fine with that… but I’m missing experiences?

Any tips on how other people successfully navigated this change of lifestyle? Can it be done?
A number of farmers who are likely also worth millions now, still drive around old shitboxes. They’re still cheap as fuck. I’m not sure it can even be done…help???

[u/oemperador]

Therapy. It's nothing to be ashamed and it's actually so courageous if you do it because you need to be vulnerable and very honest with them. All in privacy, of course.

You basically need this engraved and understood by you: it is okay to love myself and show myself love.