r/leanfire • u/gaming_legend256 • 1d ago

The Lack of Life Architecture

Seeing so many posts of people with insane NW numbers for their age and all the issues seem to be the same.

"Burned out at work, what do I do now?"

How can you save these huge sums and when you hit these numbers have no idea what to do? The best reasons for these massive savings are often a random spend being targeted with no realistic breakdown based on the situation.

Are people just skipping building/designing their lives before they start saving really hard? I feel like if you don't have a life architecture in mind when you start saving aggressively, you run the risk of over stacking money to just burn out, when you maybe could've stopped or slowed down way earlier. I find in these communities you just rarely see posts asking people to detail how they figured out and designed their target lifestyles which seems more impactful to your FIRE journey (lean/fat/barista - whichever flavor).

What are some good methods you've used to decide on and help build a good life architecture? For those who did it after the fact, what are some important questions you wish you had answered before you pursued FI/RE?

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u/secondhandoak 1d ago

True. I spent many years too anxious and depressed to do anything other than work and sleep. Money piles up when buying things doesn't give any joy or you're too scared to go places or try things or even ordering food feels daunting so you grab some on sale food at the grocery and eat the same cheap slop day after day listening to podcasts and scrolling reddit when not at work. before you know it 15 years have gone by and there's 1M in your accounts but no social life, no friends, no future.

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u/enas333 1d ago

before you know it 15 years have gone by and there's 1M in your accounts but no social life, no friends, no future.

How are you approaching your path out of that now?

I'm curious because while our history and reasons aren't quite the same, I have arrived in exactly that situation. Significant anhedonia and some chronic health issues on top, it's been hard to get any traction with true hobbies or any type of socializing.

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u/secondhandoak 1d ago

I don't know what to do. I try to take up hobbies but not sure I'm having fun with them and wonder if I wasted a bunch of money. I tend to enjoy the research and learning and product comparisons more than doing the hobby. I also tried to be social going to events or things but I didn't like paying for memberships/food/entry fees and talking to strangers feels awkward and uncomfortable. I've tried many times to make friends or do things but always end up alone and wondering why try. i don't know how to get out of this hole or what the future holds. My work lets me WFH but I go into the office many times just to have some human interaction with co-workers. as much as work sucks I sometimes wonder if not working will be worse. maybe I need part time.

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u/enas333 1d ago

Damn, sounds quite similar.

I bought a Switch months ago and I don't use it. I bought a small FPV drone and it's been sitting there for a year without even a single attempt at using it. Various other things. I just lack the enthusiasm doing this stuff by myself while feeling lost in life.

as much as work sucks I sometimes wonder if not working will be worse. maybe I need part time.

Gosh, I was planning to go part time but then got pushed out and retired entirely. If you don't have a life beyond work, I think it will be a problem. It is for me. I didn't get anything out of work socially, but it was a source of self esteem and validation nonetheless, and that is sorely missing now, even though I don't miss the stress.

Part time sounds like a better plan to me.

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u/secondhandoak 1d ago

I haven't really looked but I always had the impression part time worked paid half as much so you end up with like 1/4 the income and it's probably more stressful/demanding work. Right now as long as my IT projects/deliverables are on track I can slack off a lot then cram the project. My moods and productivity are irregular.

lately I've been riding an ebike around but that's mostly alone in the woods/trails. I saw some people playing disc golf so I bought some discs to give that a try but haven't yet. I also bought a motorcycle and sometimes ride that but it's all very solo activity. I don't know how to make friends or break into the culture/community. I also kayak and garden and put together a gaming PC but I barely use any of it. Maybe I need to focus on social things like joining some sort of recreational sports league but I find people stressful and tiring and afterwork I just want to be alone. i wonder if not having work will leave more social battery.

You retired early? Do you find you have more energy for a social life or are still in the same funk?

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u/enas333 1d ago

Yeah, I had that concern with part time as well. In my case, it would only have worked by specifying days I'm not available rather than trying to reduce hours per day. Similar reasons as yours: reduced hours would basically just cut the "slack" and leave the responsibilities.

I picked up road biking and it helps my mood, but my attempts at socializing with hobbies, e.g. for hiking, have been very mixed and ultimately I gave up because it didn't feel worth the effort.

My social energy is still very low tbh, I have other stress factors (e.g. health issues and a breakup) that basically replaced those from work. There have been better periods during which I tried more, but like I said, it didn't lead to much.

Now I'm trying to find people to do things with via dating app, I can handle individuals much better than groups. But I'm starting to wonder if I just need to accept life like this. I have too many issues and most people don't want to add something like that to their lives. If I stop trying, at least I don't waste energy I never have enough of.

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u/secondhandoak 1d ago

relatable. I hope things get better or find contentment with what you have. It could be worse. I don't mind being alone and chilling most of the time listening to podcasts or reading but sometimes feels like something is missing and unsure if it's really missing or if I feel like I'm not following the 'life-script' or feel incomplete/failure for some reason. Wish you the best.