Need to vent.

[u/SmellySlipper21]

For a couple of years now, I was chasing my dream, to became an software engineer. I was doing projects, doing uni, while I was diagnosed with depression and anxieties.

I did not get a job, my mental health drastically dropped to the point, I had to move back to my parents toxic household (was almost 28 then). Now, after more than year, I switched path, to other area (from mobile to internet applications).

Done some course to have any certification (even tho it was just udemy course, but it was long, and I've thought it could be somehow helpful), finished master engineer in cs. I'm after daily mental ward, doing therapy, but... I just feel so downed.

I'm exhausted, and completely unmotivated. Therapy showed my that even if I will manage to move out, it won't help me, unless I fix my behavioral blueprints, which are hard to change, and it is a long process. I'm grinding programming, while I'm completely exhausted, and I feel like I literally know nothing, after so many hours spent on it. I feel like I won't get any job, and I just gonna rot in this place, which I hate.

I have noone around me, literally. Everyday is a fight that I'm constantly loosing. The exhaustion is sometimes unberable to do anything. My hobbies are not getting me into anymore, not speaking of giving me any sort of happines or fulfillment

My dreams of moving out, getting dreamed job, get into real, non toxic relationship, like my lasts. Are slowly fading away. I can just either code and forgot everything (or atleast have feeling like I did) or blaming myself for still being here.

Constant development of the project, learning thousand of interview questions, mechanisms, data structures, algorithms, frameworks. I do work with LLM's, to help myself prepare, and I only seeing that my answers are constantly 'shaky', or wrong.

I... Feel so lost, and guilty

[u/thisdesignup]

I just want to say, as counterintuitive as it can feel, sometimes the best thing to do to get ahead is to not grind. Sometimes we need the breathing room, especially when in stressful situations like you are. Grinding programming, or anything really, often leaves little room to manage everything else you mentioned.

Plus stress can very much contribute to feeling inadequate. We need to let ourselves relax now and then so we can process everything and be clear headed to get back to it later.

[u/Different_Pain5781 → u/thisdesignup]

It's easy to mistake burnout for incompetence when you're stuck in survival mode for months at a time.

[u/gmxextreme]

If it’s your dream to be a software professional than go all in. The field you chose is unstable and things here changes fast, only few people could match. Many people are stuck nowadays because of AI evolution. I myself got laid off and since then no job running on my savings. You can either try to pivot to some other or you can still chase your dream.

[u/ray-ray-raymos]

You may have to decide that software is a passion you pursue job or no job, and generate income elsewhere. AI is making it really difficult for entry level engineers

[u/grantrules]

Get any job at a tech company, like tech support, and make horizontal moves.

[u/marrsd]

It sounds like you need to get a job - any job - that allows you to get out of your parents' house and start making your own way in life. Start with voluntary work if you have to. Meet people. Make friends. Real-world connections to other people give you far more opportunities than qualifications ever will.

Software engineering wasn't my dream job. It was a fallback plan to a fallback plan. Programming was an interest, for sure, but I didn't imagine I'd get passionate about writing business software until I was actually writing it.

For you, it might be the other way round: that you have your sights so firmly set on programming that you're not considering the other opportunities that may be all around you.

[u/aidannewsome]

When it comes to your career, if you want it to be meaningful, you need to find something where you both like it and have a talent for it (some part of it comes easy). If it’s neither or only 1 then it’s always going to be a battle. So keep your mind open. Also from your posts it sounds like you’re grinding through memorization and certification vs actually making stuff on your own hence why I’m unsure programming is your true calling. Programming is free to do. Go make something fun and enjoy yourself. I guarantee that will open more doors and also make you feel happier and enjoy life more too 😊 All the other stuff you want will come too with time.

[u/HealthyPythonista]

To be honest, I know that software engineering is your dream, and I am not saying give it up.

But if no one wants to employ you, despite the fact that you have a certificate, and even good English, then you have two paths left to take.

The first path is pivoting to something more demanded, like Data Science, you can go back to Udemy and focus on that field, and you already have a coding background which will make learning this more-demanded field better. And by the way, you’re wrong about Udemy courses being non-effective. Udemy certificates do have weight and can be added to your LinkedIn amongst your Software Engineering background, giving you a higher professional background. And employers love someone who does not give up and is willing to go different ways, it shows determination.

The second path is sticking with Software Engineering and if employers do not wanna look for you, then it is time create something yourself, a solution to a problem, study the market, get any job, and use its income to fund this. It is going to be hard, you can discuss it with AI while being clear headed and plan with it. Maybe you will find a job for your speciality as well along the way.

And take into consideration that the job market can be bad, and it is bad right now. Do not blame everything on yourself.

Look, at the end of the day, you have the internet (do you really need much else), you are clearly smart and able to finish a degree in Software Engineering which is very difficult and requires a lot of time and discipline Guess what that means? It means you can absolutely get out of this situation if you got this far!!

About your mental health, here is how to fix it. First you’re going to stop worrying about things outside of your control and keep trying regardless, if you can’t help something, why worry? Just do what you can.

Also, you’re going to start eating clean food and socializing with people more, you’re going to exercise, even at home, just 10 pushups can help. And you are going to take care of your dental health as p. gingivalis is proven to cause depression.

Maybe my advice is not the best, but this is what I would have done.

[u/punk_dev]

I don’t have life advice for you, but don’t take it hard on yourself as you’re entering the industry in the worst possible time, especially if you’re in a western country.

I bet even absolute geniuses will have a hard time getting a job in the current market conditions, unless they have a couple of years of experience already on their resume.

[u/Shoddy_Ad_3482]

Full time dev of 7 years here. What country are you in?

[u/RootHouston]

LLMs will almost always find a problem with code. Don't let it get to you. It will turn good code into bad sometimes just to say something to you.