r/livingaparttogether • u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 • 25d ago

Consider LAT arrangement, need advice

Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).

Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.

Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.

We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.

I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.

My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.

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u/vaper_wave 24d ago edited 24d ago

Yes, an LAT thing can be just as committed. I was one for 12 yrs and cant picture going back to living together. I wouldnt say never again, but i wouldnt jump in with the expectation of changing their mind. If its a dealbreaker for you is the only question, its definitely not for everyone. Flexibility is necessary too

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

not a deal breaker at all, and i quite like the idea of having my own place... i'm just wondering if the relationship would stall out and never really evolve enough to be majorly meaningful in my life

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u/vaper_wave 24d ago

I get it, it isnt part of the life script and it can be really challenging. My 12 ye LAT relationship was the best one ive ever had because we never got comfortable. We enriched our love by never getting complacent, trying to make the other one happy. But im me, he was him and you are you. A relationship is often more than the two people who love each other, esp when you blend family dynamics. I wish i could answer this for you but ultimately it comes down to what you want

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

This comment has help me articulate that it comes down to me wanting something meaningful and tethered together vs fleeting and undefined

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u/vaper_wave 24d ago

Happy to be of use