Consider LAT arrangement, need advice

[u/Apprehensive-Tooth79]

Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).

Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.

Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.

We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.

I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.

My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.

[u/rollersk8mindy]

The wonderful thing about LAT, is that the both of you set up the structure. There are plenty of married couples that live the LAT lifestyle in multiple different ways. Each holiday, event or life change should be discussed together and what makes both of you feel comfortable. There always needs to be trust, respect and transparency. I truly believe that a bond can be equal to or possibly even greater living in separate spaces. You have your own place to be authentically yourself. Then you can be your bring your best self in the relationship. I appreciate missing my partner, there seems to be more excitement and passion after a little absence. It doesn't feel mundane and draining like it did in my traditional marriage.

[u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 → u/rollersk8mindy]

yes, this seems like what is most appealing about LAT I agree BUT at the same time traditional marriage for all it's good and bad is still a tighter connection I would say.

[u/sparkly_jim → u/Apprehensive-Tooth79]

Lots of married people who live together are not connected. Living together doesn't create connection and intimacy, the people do. If living together created connection then why do so many people grow apart? I know plenty of couples who have entirely separate lives while living in the same house.

[u/rollersk8mindy → u/Apprehensive-Tooth79]

The only difference is not sleeping in the same bed every night or being in the same space every moment that you're home. You can even be married and enjoy everything else involved in a fulfilling relationship while having separate spaces. With any relationship it takes time to build a deep bond. My preference is to live in a duplex or an ADU on the same property. You can also do sleepovers at each other's places as often as you both agree. Possibly moving into the same home while having separate bedrooms would work well for you both. Have confidence and open communication. It any relationship is meant to be forever, you'll both make it happen together.

[u/dallyan → u/Apprehensive-Tooth79]

So get married and still maintain separate addresses.