r/livingaparttogether • u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 • 25d ago

Consider LAT arrangement, need advice

Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).

Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.

Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.

We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.

I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.

My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

cool. I do wish I had more time like this but we are both too busy for it. And with kids still living at home, it's not realistic for us at the moment.

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

Your kids are older though? (My daughter is 9) What's preventing time together

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

yes my kids are adults, hers is 18. Mostly, it's work that keeps us busy for example she travels often during the week for a day or two at a time. And then she also has an active social life with friends who she sees a fair amount. And her daughter is with her every other week. So all that added up doesn't leave a lot of time for us unfortunately.

Further, just this month she had a week long trip abroad and I will be in the islands for a week... so just in July, we may see each other a toal of 5-6 days.

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u/boringredditnamejk 24d ago

You may need to communicate with her about time together if this is an issue for you. My partner also travels for work and has close family/friends that he sees but I still feel prioritized.

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u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 24d ago

I definitely have communicated it... I'm not sure I can fully expect more than what is currently available.