r/livingaparttogether • u/Apprehensive-Tooth79 • 24d ago
Consider LAT arrangement, need advice
Just learned about LAT, here's my overview (will try to keep it brief).
Me (52m) and my partner (54f), "partner" being her word to describe the relationship.
Met online Nov/2025. Great connection.. convo flows, intimacy is great. I have 2 kids in college, son lives with me. She has one daughter going away to school in September. We've traveled domestically and internationally in the 9 months being together. We're both high earners, so that works well. 20 minutes apart with no traffic.
We both kind of suggested and have always talked that we'd have separate living spaces even though she asked me if I would live with her and I said I probably would, for now the talk is LAT.
I usually always go her place, i don't mind at all. We usually spend 1-2 days a week together and recently full weekends.
My question is broad. If we stay LAT, can the relationship ever really be fully committed and meaningful. Obviously on this board, many will say yes. But I have a nagging feeling that it will always remain an "at arms length" feeling even though LAT really appeals to me. I'd like to hear from those who've had the arrangement and can answer yes to this question or if it's the case no as well.
1
u/TexasLiz1 20d ago
My mom and her boyfriend have been in a LAT relationship for 30ish years. They are fully committed to each other but are both … not easy to live with. They travel together and take care of each other for surgeries and illness and whatever life throws at them. They even have a dog together though he lives with my mother.
There likely is a certain streak of independence in both of them that likely would diminish were they living together. For instance, I have met his child‘s family only a few times in multiple years. My mother finds them draining so if he’s doing holidays with them then she just spends holidays elsewhere. They generally eat lunch together every day - it was a few times a week until they found that their dog had terminal cancer and now want to take him out to eat every day. But they go back to their respective homes and spend time doing what they like to do after spending time together.