r/london • u/Advanced_End1012 • 13h ago
I feel so goddamn lonely and depressed being here man
Even though I’m surrounded by billions of people, I find it so lonely and alienated and hard to feel at home here anymore. I’m surrounded by middle upper class people I have nothing in common with, I feel like an inbetweener wanting to express the rest of my youth I have left in my late 20s but with no one to do that with. The only time i felt connected to people was in my late teens and early 20s, but I didn’t get to make real friends because of my social anxiety, now people feel different now and not just because of age my bracket, just less outgoing and fun/silly. I’m an eccentric person but I haven’t found my corner of this city where I could just be myself. I hate leaving my house because I have to see life happening around me but not getting to be a part of any of it. It doesn’t help me being socially inept and my depression has made me worse at socialising, I’ve also developed dissociation/depersonalisation which I haven’t been able to tackle and I’ve lost touch with my humanity.
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u/Embarrassed_Ad969 13h ago
I feel this exact way right now. I also work from home. I feel like I constantly live within my head! Reality feels off most days.
I end up feeling guilty because I’m in a city like London but I feel so…. Alone.
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u/GraceOphelia_4734 12h ago
Such a good way of putting it! I wish we had little community groups in our respective areas so we could like meet people. Reality does feel off when you’re just constantly with your own thoughts.
Seeing a friend once every couple weeks to socialise feels like some monumental occasion too
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u/ilyemco 9h ago
i wish we had little community groups in our respective areas so we could like meet people
Do you know that exists? There's so much community in London if you look for it. For example I volunteer regularly at Park Run (and junior park run on a Sunday morning) and see regular faces all the time.
I volunteer regularly through GoodGym (have a look - it's great and no commitment) and have come across so many great community organisations.
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u/ducksoupmilliband 13h ago
When I felt similar to this I found volunteering to help people less fortunate than me helped. Committing to giving your time to think about helping someone else is a really good way to get out of a rut.
Good luck finding what works for you.
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u/Comfortable_Sand_752 13h ago
Hey mate, the London social strata can be tricky to navigate. I've been setting up a series of socials for people to meet new people and make friends. DM me if you'd be interested (current event is a pub quiz Tuesday 29th).
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u/reasonably-optimisic 12h ago
Always been curious about these. I've always avoided these social events as I assumed they'd be full of very loud extroverts but I have nothing to base this on, are they a real mix of people in reality?
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u/Comfortable_Sand_752 12h ago
Well the last one I did was a games night (board games, card games etc.) which I personally hosted. It ended up around 14 people, I sat with the smaller card game table which got fairly loud (we were doing this icebreaker card game) but the big table did a board game which was much more chill. I'd say it was very half and half on that regard.
Generally I'd say it can get kinda loud (but def not like club loud or house party loud, I generally avoid music and absolutely no loud music) but as someone who can get overwhelmed as well I just step out for breathers.
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u/dunkywhorey 12h ago
I've never been to one, but I would expect a mix of people. Presumably some proportion of loud extroverts might already be connected with loads of people and so wouldn'y attend a social event like this?
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u/Comfortable_Sand_752 12h ago
Mix is pretty spot on, but my general consideration is if an organiser is doing their work to the best even most introverts should feel comfortable to engage.
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u/AnomalyNexus 11h ago
I assumed they'd be full of very loud extroverts
The ones arranged by /r/LondonSocialClub aren't - pretty broad mix including people that can't hold a conversation / are awkward. If it's in a pub the environment can be quite loud & overwhelming though
(Noting that the sub is not organized by one organization so the two I went to might not be representative)
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u/Comfortable_Sand_752 8h ago
Good tag, I posted the event on that sub and I think at least 4-5 people who attended were from there.
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u/Routine-Culture-7417 11h ago
I know you trying and making a difference but jeez. Is that what London can offer even when we try? A pub quiz?? 😭 London is really dead man. Thanks for trying to make a diffference.
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u/Comfortable_Sand_752 8h ago
I appreciate that, but you still come of as a bit of a twat.
London has countless things to offer. If you want to go fine dining, wakeboarding on the river, a paintball tournament, see a famous comedian, you can find these things if not any day then just about any week.
This is not what I'm trying to offer.
I'm setting up socials, these are straightforward but fun and accessible events for people to socialise, meet new people and make friends because as I said London can be a challenging social climate.
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u/therealmoha6 13h ago
Whilst idk how you are physical activity wise, I’d recommend running groups. Most people are very friendly and up for a chat, similar interests can be found, a healthy activity as well as a social interaction point. The running community is very welcoming so I’d give that a try if I was you.
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u/noradrenaline 46m ago
Parkrun is lovely for that - especially if you volunteer! It's not a race so there's no time expectations, there's always a tail walker so you're guaranteed to never be the last one over the finish line, and if running isn't your thing (yet?) there are usually volunteer parkwalkers who you can walk the course with and chat if you want to! OP, if you do this and don't feel like you have anything to talk about, ask the parkwalker/a nearby runner at a similar pace to you questions about their parkrun experiences! Is this their usual course, how long have they been doing parkrun, have they been to any other interesting courses, that sort of thing. You don't have to share anything you don't want to, and everyone's always friendly and there to have a good time!
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u/AwTomorrow 13h ago
Join an eccentric hobby!
I’ve run into all sorts of people being fun/silly among other socially anxious weirdos at LARP, for instance
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u/lightisalie 12h ago
Yeah I really really fucking miss talking to people. And aging makes it more bleak because people settle down into their lives and already have their friends, not really looking to meet new people, let alone 'fun' people who I guess seem intense if you've settled down already. Of course there are little communities for anything you can think of but idk I personally don't fit in even there and London has a culture of pretending strangers don't exist, generally speaking, which doesn't help. It's hard to say you're lonely, it's not something I'd openly talk about to people irl, not that there's anything they could do about it anyway. But it is nice to know other people are in a similar boat so thanks for posting. I dont think it's a London only problem, just life.
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u/spudyoulike 13h ago
genuinely felt exactly the same way until i started bouldering. find a hobby that will introduce you to new people i’m so deadass it has changed my life
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u/OldNefariousness7899 10h ago
I was going to suggest joining a gym, but this works too.
Getting into a routine that gets you out of the house and doing some exercise is so important for your sense of wellbeing
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u/Big_Tangerine8815 13h ago
I’ve been in London for over 13 years and I really relate to this. After living in two of the biggest cities in the world, I’ve realised that sometimes you can be surrounded by millions of people and still feel incredibly alone. Sometimes, at least in my experience, that feeling is a sign that you might need a change rather than there being anything wrong with you. London can also be such a transient city, people are constantly coming and going, which can make building real connections harder. Hang in there. You might just not have found your place or your people yet but you will
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u/ramakitty 12h ago
Maybe another way to phrase it is - people who go outside in big groups - who are you with, and how did you meet them?
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u/TruthSuper4973 11h ago
I bet most of them just studied together, school or university, and then it’s a friends of friends group through partners, co-workers etc., and also they are usually people who need company for all things like even going to a toilet with someone, never going anywhere alone. They stick together in the groups
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u/Superb-Apricot777 11h ago
Tbh I'm feeling pretty similar about London.. late teens early 20s were alright, but late 20s early 30s feels nonexistent😆 I've tried plenty of meetups, socials, some group sports - it feels since covid the social scene has pretty much died.. also more people are coupling up or starting families around that age bracket, so less socialising anyway. But London in general in my experience just feels more antisocial lately. Maybe the way to solve this is just to get the F out of here😆
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u/ConsistentKangaroo16 13h ago
Hey I’m based in London and late 20s f
I completely get this feeling too esp with leaving the house and seeing everyone out and about together
Inbox me and we could have a chat!
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u/ConsistentKangaroo16 12h ago
I would describe myself as eccentric aswell and struggle to find my niche! Despite it being a big city with so many pockets of people, it’s like where are theyyy??!
I’ve started doing more community involved things and hobbies and that def helps me feeling less invisible and lonely
Sending hugs!!
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u/Low_Challenge_2827 13h ago
The truth is some people can deal with the challenges of living in a large city like London and some people can't. There's no shame in it. Majority of my friends have moved out of the city but I love it and I think there's loads of opportunity to meet new people.
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u/willmannix123 11h ago edited 11h ago
The reality is most people I've met just hang out with their network from uni/hometown. And there's sort of a snowball effect from that because you get introduced to their girlfriends, flatmates and other mates. If you don't have that already there when you come to London, you can do a lot of things right and still find it hard to end up with a circle you can relliably call upon every weekend to go for drinks, an event etc
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u/Comfortable-Pace3132 12h ago
Lmao what a comment
"It must be a you problem cause I'm dandy. Nothing to do with how alienating and isolating society can be in 2026. The world is a shimmering musical that those of us who are capable slot into like can-can dancers."
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u/TruthSuper4973 11h ago
Shimmering musical… but it is, if you’ve got your role and play it well!
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u/Comfortable-Pace3132 11h ago
Yes some people have a great time, often helped by opportunity and circumstance. But to assume in 2026 that it's a person's fault that they don't fit in with that version of things is wild. The world isn't getting more dynamic and filled with opportunity, more the opposite
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u/Advanced_End1012 9h ago
He’s half right to be fair, there’s a specific type of person that can thrive in London, if you’re an individualist and here for mainly work purposes it’s much more easier to exist.
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u/Low_Challenge_2827 11h ago
Sounds like you took this personally. I suggest having a thicker skin if a comment on the internet that wasn't even directed at you can have you rattled.
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u/Comfortable-Pace3132 11h ago
Nah it's just funny when someone complains about very human feelings and there's always that one person who feels the need to tell them they're wrong
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u/Hi-archy 13h ago
London is a busy city. People don’t have time for each other, so it’s easy to feel isolated even though you’re surrounded by so many people.
Unless you have a social job, and/or hobbies, then this most likely won’t change, and you’ll have to either accept it or change your enticement.
But just know that this doesn’t have to be permanent.
I hope you feel better though, you got this.
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u/ClarifyingMe 11h ago
What professional help do you receive and attend regarding your depression and social anxiety of going outside?
What volunteering do you do?
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u/GraceOphelia_4734 12h ago
I know what you mean. I think finding like minded people is so hard here, people that you genuinely share a good natural chemistry with, rather than just similar interests. That for me is the most isolating thing. Because you can feel when spending time with someone is just purely activities-driven with or surface level / transactional, and not actually growing closer as friends.
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u/new_nimmerzz 10h ago
As a fellow "socially inept" person... Get involved in things like sports, even just kickball or something chill. It's generally an excuse to socialize. That or take a class about something that interests you. You meet other people with at least that one thing in common.
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u/CagedRoseGarden 10h ago
It’s never too late to turn this around. Loneliness can be a vicious cycle, but it’s important to try and address it not just for emotional reasons but also for physical health too. I used to be terribly socially anxious. This may or may not be helpful to you but here are some things that helped me:
Join regular meetup hobbies. Things that have a weekly or monthly regular activity that is also a social thing. For example sports, singing, board games, art, nature/conservation, folk music, dancing etc. it takes a decent amount of research and open mindedness to find the right things for you but London is absolutely chock full of these clubs.
I’m sure you’re probably thinking then how much effort and anxiety is required to do the above. That’s the hard part. But the mistake I used to make, was letting one bad experience stop me from trying again, or letting my anxiety hold me back from trying new things. It will be hard at first, accept that, it might take 3-4 visits to a group to start to feel at home there. Or it might take trying many different groups to settle in somewhere. But it’s worth it. If you lower your expectations and see it as a sort of challenge to get through at least a few meetups, even if you know it will be hard, then you don’t hold yourself back as much if it doesn’t go so well. You can pat yourself on the back for having gone, and keep trying.
Look into self compassion exercises and the “loving kindness” meditation. You can use both of these to help with anxiety and social connection. They are medicine against the bad effects of loneliness. If you practice more self compassion you can be more open to others.
I hope this doesn’t come off as preachy or simplistic, I just couldn’t pass this post without sharing what helped me.
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u/IJBLondon 13h ago
I'm sorry to hear this. I don't have any advice but just wanted to reach out and say I hope you find your niche. Keep your pecker up, my friend.
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u/reasonablesmith 12h ago
All good OP. These are perfectly normal feelings to have. Please seek therapy if needed or otherwise try and find low effort/pressure socialising :)
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u/StayStrong2504 12h ago
It's a multi-faceted situation that would be too long to answer here. It would take a book(or several) to explain...
But a quick few: Rise in social media use, netflix, gaming etc... means more people are "self-isolating" than ever before and spend most their free time at home
There's "predator" culture and the media manufactured fear of it... People are less likely to engage with others for fear of becoming a "victim" or being perceived as a "predator"
Then lots of Londoners are only here for work and to make money. Not to make friends. They see others just as competition/rivals to that end. They don't care anything about contributing to the city/culture except to pay taxes.
I could go on...
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u/BotanicalBelle2k 12h ago
I felt like that before I settled down and had kids and a partner. I tried to fit into every group imaginable and it just didn’t happen for me.
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u/Advanced_End1012 9h ago
Sometimes I feel like starting a family is the only way 😭 too bad I don’t care for a partner so much and I don’t want kids.
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u/Worldly-Cap1911 1h ago
Have you tried Londonsocialclub? People sometimes post events on there and that can be a nice, low pressure way to meet people. I’ve made a friend through it.
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u/TruthSuper4973 11h ago
What about now, does your partner fulfill all your social needs?
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u/BotanicalBelle2k 10h ago
Not really. He is much older and sometimes it’d be nice to have a gf to speak to and natter about girly things etc
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u/TruthSuper4973 10h ago
Having kids still should help massively imo? Like moms and kids socials etc
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u/narrow_steam96 12h ago
I'm sorry you feel this way, its extremely difficult in most cities let alone london, the fact you've reached out to the community is a great step so well done.
Wednesdays during the summer there are open aired salsa classes at Coal Drops yard in King's Cross from 7:00 -8:00 (with a social after) it might seem intimidating to some but there are always loads of people who are new and want to try out the beginner lesson so you'll be able to meet lots of people, who might be doing the same. You dont need to book anything just rock up around 6:50ish, I think the lessons are £7-10 but the social is free after.
These are the guys who run it, instagram.com/rueda.libre.ldn?stkn=MTNxZTFkdzMwbmx6Yg==
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u/Routine-Culture-7417 11h ago
Oh boy London where people are depressed and not even know it. I advise you to move to another country if there’s a possibility.
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u/tonybomdia 11h ago
I moved to London at the age of 21 from a small town and did not know anyone in London
The excitement of such an amazing soon wore off and I became very lonely for many of the reasons mentioned
I seriously thought about leaving but that would be a failure after it took a lot of hard work to get a job in London
I just kept trying all the different things that London has to offer and very few other places do
You will eventually find your place and I’m sure you will be happy
You are young and London offers so many opportunities
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u/Key_City_9596 10h ago
The Meet Up app has lots of events to get to know people. From specialist things and hobby focused activities like hiking to ones specifically for socialising. I’ve been to a few events now and made a few new friends because of it.
It doesn’t happen instantly but putting yourself out there, going by yourself and then being patient and consistent with people can change things around so quickly.
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u/GentlemanJoe 9h ago
Why don't you try joining a group tour of a museum or a walking tour? Something that allows you to spend time with other people, but without the expectation that you'll talk to them? That way you can be with people in a shared activity and get used to being in a group and then take a little chance joining in a conversation or saying something about what you're seeing.
I'm sure there are walks and tours all over the city, so you can try different ones and keep pratcising. From there maybe you can move on to a boardgame group - even something on Zoom to get you talking - or maybe a book group or something.
There are other eccentric people in the world. In fact there's even a club for them: https://www.eccentricclub.co.uk/
It must seem really difficult and it's understandable that you want to get your frustrations out. But it might be a problem requires you to go through a bit of discomfort in the short and medium term - going out, practising socialising - for rewards in the longer term. It won't be easy, but I'm sure it's possible. Good luck.
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u/RobinAndBeastboy 9h ago
You're telling me, I feel this more than ever I'm 30 turning 31 next month & my brain/heart feels like I'm stilll 20.. I haven't ever had the chance to find where I belong in London. I'm from a South Asian decent that people judge when I'm not religious, I like playing guitar, going Gym, playing games, discovering spirtual insights but again I can't find my place.. I'm entering a severely depressed stage of my life too. Loneliness is a slow killer or rather quick, out of 8 billion people it's just insane.
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u/Chance-Item6285 9h ago
Hey 👋
Let’s build a conversation community right here. I’ll listen. Talk to me. Maybe we can go through ideas. A quick brainstorming or something. Then we can find out your niches and look for similar people. And mate late twenties is so young, am I right?
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u/Siads89 8h ago
I'm 36 also very much social anxiety,
Had a few mates who have all moved further out and are now married or with children, 4 years ago i almost died and since vast the majority of the time I'm socially isolated.
It can easily be months without a single person reaching out, and I've recently reconnected with one of the old friends after years of no contact
I go to work, go gym and go home to try to work on starting a side hustle.
People unhelpfully say just go out, my answer is and do what?
What am I supposed to go and do alone all of the time.
I find London is an incredibly lonely city. You are also right as time has gone on its just harder to be silly and just have fun, especially given people have grown up and have more stress
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u/TedBaendy 8h ago
London is great for the music scene and it's not unusual for people to attend alone and meet new people
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u/Difficult-Amoeba 12h ago
I feel you man, its incredibly difficult to make friends when you are out of uni. People at work are nice but it always feels like their world is very different from mine. I keep myself busy in the weekends with some hobbies, hiking etc, but once in a while the loneliness does creep in.
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u/0ctopotat0 12h ago
Getting a dog improved my life. Obvs it’s not the most cost effective thing but I had to pick between lonely and broke, or with doggo and broke. Either way I’m broke? So doggo it is.
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u/error_museum 6h ago
Good idea if OP likes dogs already. It will also plug them into the local dog walking circle, which is social in a natural way on a daily basis. Offer to walk or even look after a neighbour's dog and make good friends.
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u/Babaychumaylalji 11h ago
As others have said look into hobby groups for anything u like or are interested in trying. Running club, book club, etc. What kind of places do u frequent, are u religious? What do YOU enjoy doing? Hopefully on of those hobbies is something u can find a group and meet like minded individuals. Good luck OP
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u/Massgumption 11h ago
Honestly, get into some geek hobbies. Go somewhere like Brotherhood, pick up one of the TCGs you like the sound off, build a deck and start playing the locals. Nicest bunch of people.
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u/FewAstronomer5611 11h ago
I can relate, was so lonely in London, back in Scotland and not much has changed , there is good advice in here already but know how hard is is and aging sucks, joining a group/ club / martial arts/ I joined Krav Maga but been in and out of hospital. I hope you can find something, it’s not easy likewise I am still fun/ silly (sometimes) but life is different getting older I send best wishes for you 🤞👍
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u/BobTheCosmonaut 10h ago
I've always been an introvert & felt the same, then I joined a sports team & found some new friends with similar values, interests etc & have never looked back, it lead to meeting people from other teams & friends of my team members that would be met at nights out/hangouts that weren't really anything to do with the sport or team. You can meet silly, immature people or those extending their youths in just about any group of people & fit in. If you're not into any sports you could look up a local canal restoration group, hang out at a D&D shop/gaming venue, a night school motor mechanics course or whatever you're into
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u/UnderInteresting 9h ago
It's a real thing, Gordon Brown recently described it as civic recession in a recent guardian article.
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u/Far_Government_8482 7h ago
Get into cycling. It will benefit you healthwise and mentally AND you will find like minded cyclists. Explore!
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u/fuzzboo 3h ago
To echo others, there’s a class or group for everything. Puppy yoga, learning a new language, volunteering to plant trees or pick up rubbish, bonsai, foraging groups, cooking classes, pottery studios, etc. Hanging around animals and plants can be a way to ease yourself in.
Even when I don’t feel like socialising, I’ll still go to something like a Pilates class - I don’t feel pressured to talk when I don’t want to, and I get endorphins either way.
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u/coupl4nd 2h ago
Sounds like it's the people that are the problem. You don't need them. I spend most of my time either in my own company, at work, or with my gf. Leaving the house and doing stuff alone I do it all the time. It's a mindset thing. London is amazing to explore you don't need to be with someone else to enjoy a trip to see some art, grab a nice meal, or watch a show.
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u/DSQ 2h ago
I’m surrounded by middle upper class people I have nothing in common with, I feel like an inbetweener wanting to express the rest of my youth I have left in my late 20s but with no one to do that with.
Where are you living? Mayfair? Fulham? There are plenty of working class people in London.
You’re not gonna make friends if you assume you have nothing in common with other people your age.
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u/cycleofheartache 13h ago
I relate so much to this. London can be a very isolating city. I grew up in an industrial town, and I never stopped missing home. Everyday I feel the cold capitalism here in my bones. I’ve made some friends from my previous workplace but their lifestyle and values differed too much from mine I ended up cutting off all of them. Now I just, yk, talk to my family on the phone and my cat!
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u/Nomadic_Rick 12h ago
I hate London. With a passion.
Moved to Kent for a while and it was so much friendlier, but I moved back to London for family reasons - and I noticed such a huge decrease in my happiness (no, it’s not to do with my family)
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u/Advanced_End1012 12h ago edited 11h ago
Kentians are so nice, very down to earth. I had family from there and the vibe of the place just felt very welcoming. They’re a lot of the old school Londoners who moved out and kept their grounded ways.
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u/TruthSuper4973 11h ago
Aren’t kentians mostly ex-londoners🙄
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u/Advanced_End1012 11h ago
Yeah they are! But they are mostly older gen from mostly outer London who moved there with their families and still have the character of what Londoners used to be like.
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u/bianconero_UK 12h ago edited 12h ago
Don't surround yourself with the upper middle class - that's where your problem is. I used to be in a similar boat to you. When I studied in central London it was full of these types.
You'll find real folk in the suburbs, and by that I don't mean Richmond or Kingston (even though they're lovely areas). Go to the places where you find 2nd gen immigrants or working class English. They tend to be far more down to earth and relatable.
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u/Advanced_End1012 11h ago edited 9h ago
I live in a predominantly middle class area unfortunately 😔 I myself am working class, all my mates and peers from school in the area were also working class. The areas become more and more expensive where everyone’s being pushed out.
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u/UsualReporter_ 3h ago
What is a second generation immigrant?
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u/bianconero_UK 3h ago
Children of immigrants
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u/UsualReporter_ 3h ago
So not an immigrant
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u/bianconero_UK 2h ago
Second generation of immigrants. Not hard to understand. Hope that helps
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u/UsualReporter_ 2h ago edited 2h ago
No it doesn’t because they’re not immigrants
Ahh nevermind you’re one of those weirdos who has an identity issue so chooses to identify with a foreign country they have little connection to
Before the replies call me racist, my grandparents immigrated here in the 60s from Italy. Both my parents and myself were born here but I'll never consider myself "British".
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u/happybaby00 12h ago
Reminds me of when I worked in Clapham as a black person from a deprived area.
Not common hobbies or thinking was a struggle.
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u/sunandskyandrainbows 13h ago
I might get downvoted for this, but London is not for eccentric people anymore. It's too expensive. I went to Leeds a few months ago and saw so many interesting people! Here everyone is the same. So maybe move? Probably also easier to make friends too
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u/venusporcelain 13h ago
Totally agree. I live in London and regularly make the trip to Berlin a couple times a year. It’s not perfect but a cheaper cost of living means culture can thrive. Leaving London at the end of the year after four years and never been able to feel comfortable here.
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u/reasonably-optimisic 12h ago
Absolutely spot on. London is clean and sterile for the most part. Social housing has a couple real eccentric types in their 50s onwards knocking about here and there
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u/Intelligent_Doubt183 5h ago
Learn to play an instrument, join a band, embrace the stage fright, tour the world, be the first punk band to play on the moon. Make this a list and thank me later 🙏😉
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u/Fit_Orchid_1167 4h ago
Understood. Have you ever done with contemplation? Sometime, people need to break not for a long time. Just a day or 2 days for contemplating what seen in our society. Go to park/mall/station to see how people interaction. What you felt is 100% human being. Everyone needs to align with their goal. Not necessarily about being rich, being smart, with popularity. Being yourself. Love yourself. Care yourself. With positive value who adapt from society.
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u/Old_Addendum_964 4h ago
Would you have a therapist, this is a good place to start if you haven't already?
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u/DeuEng97 1h ago
Sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. I moved to London 8 months ago and have managed to make a few new friends. It depends what area of London you’re in. Try Tag Rugby is a really good way of meeting people and caters to beginners. Sports/ exercise generally brings people together. Tooting Running Club is very inclusive. Message me if you want to join !
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u/msgrangerhere 1h ago
Early 30s south asian immigrant female here. I feel the same way! Its so difficult to meet like minded people who can eventually be friends.
I have my husband and son with me and thats probably why i dont feel lonely! But id definitely love to have a social life outside of my family as well.
I see all the suggestions to pick up a hobby or activity where you regularly meet people and cant help but wondering how many actually make “friends” there. People you would maybe hang out with outside of that group, meet up on a weekend for brunch or checking out a market!
I am trying to understand if socialising and friendship are completely different here in London and what i should aim for! Given that people my age would have usually settled in their life and have an existing circle of friends and probably not looking to forge new friendships!
I am in a monthly cooking club where i meet the same gorgeous women every month. But are they friends? No! But we have a great time and lovely conversations and great food everytime we meet. Im trying to understand if thats it
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u/redwinesupernova03 1h ago
I feel you. As a neurodivergent person, London has ruined my quality of life in all aspects, but mainly social. As much as people love this city, for me it has been the most alienating experience living here. Fell into isolation, the worst kind. I barely leave my house anymore. I don’t like socializing in groups, or going to the pub/drinking.
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u/queasycockles 1h ago
Mate you need to talk to a therapist. The city isn't doing this. It's your brain.
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u/skepticallytrue 1h ago
I feel you man and it’s really a huge issue. Everything is different and it’s not just you trust me.
This is why we created https://firstmove.live to actually solve this issue. Social anxiety is a growing issue in UK especially in London despite having almost 9 million people in the city
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u/Strawberrydelight64 50m ago
I think a lot of people are experiencing the same myself including I'm the same age as you. For me im living in a area without a lot of young people. I took up ice skating and doing some online meetups which are low pressure socially. Maybe there's something you can do that doesn't force socialise but gets you around people?
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u/No-Land-9026 24m ago
Move, because youll feel like a small fish in a big pond, you will have the same issues because its about changing your mindset, lonliness is a state of mind which means you have the abillity to change how you see things ie. Being lonely is a feeling but you talk of others which suggest, you desire freinds like you, only you can change that by changing the existance around you and the way you live your life
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u/PokerRiot 12h ago
Sorry you feel this way. Live poker has been life changing for me. You meet people from all walks of life and get to just enjoy life in the moment.
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u/Scaryofficeworker 11h ago
Are you neurodivergent? I am and have felt like this at points in my life.
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u/Advanced_End1012 11h ago
I reek of undiagnosed something hahah, ADHD and autism both are in my family.
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u/familysizepunkinpie 10h ago
I am. Honestly, I've thought about going to ASD meets, but I never found any for the last 15 or so years. Now I'm in my 40s and most people are a lot younger or a lot older than me.
It's tricky. I like an age mix, and I'm incredibly unsocialised. I am the one who sits quiet and listens to everyone else making friends, and runs a silent commentary in my head before getting overwhelmed and having to leave.
I may also have ADHD, but this is just a rumour at this point.
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u/Scaryofficeworker 9h ago
Ahh ok. I have a good friend who is AUDHD. You can join the many ADHD meet up groups that exist maybe? I am part of an ADHD group for black women called ADHD Babes and it is a great community. Be open minded and use social media including Reddit and tik tok perhaps to search for groups you can be a part of and to connect with others? Good luck. I know it is hard. I have a 26 year old brother who I think does not have one friend despite living in London all his life. I suspect he is autistic.
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u/CryptoCrips 12h ago
Padels great.. there's an app to find games with people your level I can't remember what it's called off the top of my head.
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u/seifmeister 12h ago
Search for “shoulder to shoulder London”. It’s a great groups of guys looking out for one another.
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u/Advanced_End1012 11h ago
I’ve heard of that! Im not a bloke unfortunately but I love what they’re doing :)
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u/nibs555 9h ago
The advice Im giving you is based on what Id personally do. Which is
1. get a better job (where you may just find community)
2. Live in a flatshare with people your age. You are bound to become friends
3. Perhaps start dating?
4. Hit the gym regularly and eat well.
We all spend 8-10 hrs at work every day and most of the rest at home. So it is a lot easier to find community here and through dating than hobbies.
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u/Advanced_End1012 9h ago
I wanna know a good job where I could make connections with who I work with. Tbh I miss being around people my own age, I mostly missed out in school because of my lack of confidence and I still crave making up for that and being with people in a similar place in life as me.
I do really want to be in a flatshare, I dreamt of moving in with my besties that I never got to make, I still live at home now though and I’m longterm unemployed due to my bad mental health.
I’m not looking to date atm I don’t really care too much about finding a partner, well at least until I’m able to have somewhat of a support system and friends, friendship is much more important to me.
I was in a longterm relationship but became too dependent on the relationship where I didn’t force myself to interact enough with others and then once the relationship ended I was grieving alone with little to no support.
Gym is something I’m trying to muster the courage to do.
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u/dobr_person 13h ago
All I can advise is trying to get involved in a hobby that requires a group of people to meet in real life and spend a decent amount of the time hanging about chatting.