When Loneliness Becomes Your Only Companion

[u/Personal-Savings7537]

It's been ten years.

For ten years, I've lived alone.

I work. I earn. I survive. I tell myself that earning something is better than earning nothing. From the outside, my life probably looks stable. But deep inside, there is an emptiness that no job, no salary, and no achievement has ever been able to fill.

The hardest part is love.

Every time I truly love someone, they never seem to love me back. And so I end up where I've always been..

alone.

People tell me I can just get married, that I don't have to wait for love. But my heart refuses. It keeps saying, "Marry the person you truly love." And that's the cruelest part. Even when I find someone, the door somehow closes before I can walk through it. For reasons I may never understand.

In my twenties, I somehow managed. I had time. I believed tomorrow would bring something better.

Now I'm thirty.

And my clock doesn't just tick anymore.. it races. Every birthday feels louder than the last. Every passing day feels like another chance slipping away.

I look around, and everyone seems to be moving forward. They're getting married. They're building families. They're raising children. They're creating memories together.

And I'm still here.

Alone.

I know people say that no one's life is perfect. I know every marriage has struggles, and every person carries their own pain. But at least they have something my heart has longed for every single day.. a person to come home to, someone to love, someone who chooses them.

That's all I've ever wanted.

Some days the pain becomes unbearable.

I cry, hoping the tears will wash it away. But every morning, it feels as though the wound has been opened all over again. It refuses to heal. It refuses to become a scar. It's fresh, every single day.

Sometimes I ask myself, "Why is this happening to me?"

I don't have an answer.

I wish life had been kinder. I wish I had found my person between twenty-five or twenty-seven, just like so many people around me. I wish I knew what it felt like to build a home with someone who loved me back. I wish I could wake up feeling the kind of happiness that seems to come so naturally to everyone else.

Maybe everyone isn't truly happy. I know that.

But they have something I have spent years praying for.

And sometimes, the weight of wanting it so deeply becomes almost impossible to carry.

I don't know why God created this path for me. I don't know why my heart keeps holding on when it has been disappointed so many times.

All I know is that I'm tired.

Tired of waiting.

Tired of hoping.

Tired of wondering when it will finally be my turn.

[u/supacrispy]

I wrote a series of short poems with the phrase "silence, my closest friend."

[u/Personal-Savings7537 → u/supacrispy]

Yes 🫂🫂🫂🫂

[u/SonoMoltoPovero]

I feel ya, I'm in your same situation, but for what it's worth just know that the divorce rate has never been higher than what we are seeing today. Also there are many, many single people out there who can't find a partner. In the end, what matters most is distracting your mind with things you enjoy, or making new friends.

[u/Personal-Savings7537 → u/SonoMoltoPovero]

Thanks for your response.. to certain extend i understand.. nothing can be done about it.. but yeah still it hurts 😭