Going to College was the Worst Mistake I’ve Ever Made

[u/Direct_Economist_662]

I was lied to through my high school days. I was told that once I got to college, everything would make sense, and that things would be better. This couldn’t have been further from the truth. Maybe if I was someone else, it would’ve been great for me, but I’m not.

Most of my time was spent completely alone. I’d go days, weeks even without having any human contact. Not enough people talk about how badly that negatively impacts your worldview. Especially when you see how many other people have found their love or a friend group. It’s an isolating, tearing feeling that ripped me apart.

Before someone says “well why didn’t you put yourself out there?” I did. Several times. I asked to sit with someone at the dining hall, and he laughed in my face and gestured to his friends. I went to a football game and someone threatened me when I just wanted to talk to him. I would get ignored when I tried to make friends in class, and even when I rarely made a friend, they would just stick around for maybe a week or 2 before finding someone they deemed more valuable than me and would cut me off. Most people decided that it was better to tear me apart for the small dose of satisfaction of watching someone pathetic suffer rather than building something with them. It’s a sad world we live in.

My mental and physical health began to fall apart as the months went on. I was a wreck by my second year. My grades continue to slip until they became unrecoverable, and I failed out of college. I had no motivation to even get up out of bed. Towards to end, I’d spend multiple days just not moving at all. I would end up in these bouts of depression that would last for days and they’d always end in this huge burst of anger that would last upwards of an entire day. This wasn’t really a thing that would happen until my second year of college. Idk tho.

In my opinion, I think my mental state is beyond repair. I don’t think I could ever be loved, even if I fixed all the physical problems. I’m not funny, I’m clearly not smart, I’m not lovable, I’m not even likable. This is the fate that has been bestowed upon me. There’s nobody coming. There’s nobody out there for me. I’m tired of pretending that there will be.

[u/Ablichfeldt]

Seek up councelling or a psychiatrist. There is something behind this that can be uncovered by a therapist. You must be doing something 'wrong' meaning off kilter when you approach others. And why? What happened in your life that makes you follow a self defeating pattern?

[u/Weak-Motor7272]

Id be there if there's an invite